


Leather and Lace

by iamgizy (saddle_tramp), saddle_tramp



Category: Backstreet Boys, NSYNC
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M, Unfinished and Discontinued
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-02-25
Updated: 2001-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:06:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 73,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddle_tramp/pseuds/iamgizy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddle_tramp/pseuds/saddle_tramp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pairings:  Chris/JC with a side order of Justin/Lance, Joey/Brit, and AJ/Nick</p><p>Rating: R<br/>Summary:<br/>AU... This isn't a song fic, it's just how my mind reacted to hearing the title song and then ran with it. Chris owns a gay-friendly retreat and dude ranch in the mountains of Montana, and JC comes up with some friends, trying to forget the past.</p><p>This was written and posted originally ten years ago, long before the <i>Falls Chance Ranch</i> series was begun, so please don't try to accuse me of stealing their ideas. It would just make me roll my eyes and have to call you an idiot in public. ;-}</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note:  
> This story is unfinished and will stay that way. I lost my inspiration about two-thirds of the way through, years ago, and never could find it again. I love it too much to throw it away, and people have told me they love going back to read it again despite the unfinished state, so I still keep it with all my other popslash.
> 
> This is one of my favorites of my popslash stories, one of the ones closest to my own heart. Many of the horses in this story lived in my stalls, once upon a time, and I knew real horses that inspired every single one.

~ ~ 1 ~ ~

 

" _I don't want to go_ ," JC said again, emphasizing each word and frowning at Lance, who was methodically packing JC's clothes while JC watched from the battered old wingback chair in the corner. Both of them were ignoring the music softly playing in the background, JC because he had heard the song a dozen times in the last hour and Lance because he _really_ didn't want to think about why JC was playing _'Just Like A Pill'_ over and over again.

"You can't stay here alone and we both know it," Lance replied patiently. "Justin and I want to get away, and _you_ nee—" Lance broke off in mid word, then looked over at JC. "You need to move on."

JC's eyes were very close to angry in his otherwise expressionless face as he said, "Whether I 'move on' or not is none of your business, Lance."

Lance frowned. "Yeah Josh, it _is_. You're my best friend besides Justin, and _his_ best friend, and it hurts us both to see you like this. Ryan was an asshole who used you and cheated on you and then threw you away six __months__ ago. He didn't deserve you, and he sure as hell isn't good enough for you to sit around here pining yourself away to nothing over him."

JC stood abruptly and walked over to his window, putting his back to Lance and wrapping his arms around himself as he said quietly, "It's hard to just forget four years." JC blinked a few times, then added, "And I'm not pining away to nothing, I'm just like I've always been."

Lance snorted and shook his head, and then he walked over to JC to pull at the waistband of JC's track pants, which were elastic and _still_ so loose they hung too low on his hips. "Quit lying to yourself, and to me. You've lost thirty pounds in the last few months and you didn't have any to spare to begin with." Lance rested his hand on JC's back as he went on inexorably, "You have a panic attack if we leave you alone for very long, you won't leave the house, you're so depressed we have to _beg_ you to get out of bed and to eat, and those damned pills your doctor gave you aren't helping at all. They just make you throw up what little you _do_ eat and give you mood swings, and you don't need more of those."

JC looked at the floor, tightening his arms around himself as Lance gently rubbed his back and said, "I'm getting you out of here, Josh. I think you need the sunshine and fresh air and just to get away. Howie says this Kirkpatrick guy has some really nice horses, which I know you love, and a beautiful place too. The change will do you good."

JC looked at Lance, all the anger gone from his eyes, which now just looked lost and sad like they had for much too long for Lance's peace of mind. "Seeing some trees and horses isn't going to fix me, Lance," JC said softly, then added, "I'm beginning to think nothing will. Sometimes I feel like everyone would be better off if I just disappeared."

"Don't even _think_ that, sweetheart, we wouldn't," Lance replied quietly as he slowly ran his hand over JC's back, trying not to let the stab of fear he'd felt at JC's words show. "We love you and want you to be with us, we just want you to be _happy_ too. Maybe you're right and this _won't_ help, but you'll never know until you leave this house and try. If nothing else, this trip will take your mind off of him for a while. Do it for me and Justin if not for yourself. Please?"

JC was silent for a long moment and then gave him a weak smile as he nodded. "Okay."

 

* * *

 

Chris got out of his battered pickup and looked warily at the brand new Navigator parked next to it – that car wasn't from around here, he _knew_ – before he walked down the sidewalk towards Belle's Diner, where he'd told the five person group he would be riding herd on all week to meet him. He knew they had flown up from California, and that Lance, who Chris had spoken to, had gotten his name from Howie, an old college buddy of Chris' who had just spent a week hiding out in one of Chris' cabins with his newest boyfriend. Lance wanted to go camping with a few friends and had made sure that Chris knew he was a farmboy from Mississippi that could handle a horse and camping out quite well without a nursemaid, then asked what it would cost him to get some privacy on Chris' mountain.

The guy had waited for Chris to come up with a figure and when he didn't after a moment he had said he was willing to pay double Chris' usual fee to get out there alone with his boyfriend and two other people. Chris knew he shouldn't take it because his insurance would lapse if they managed to get hurt while no one was supervising them, but he really needed the cash to get through the winter so he had agreed, hoping the guy wasn't lying about knowing his stuff. Then Lance had told him he had another friend who was coming along who was a special case and would not be going camping with them because he was recovering from a breakdown and needed peace and quiet someplace where he wouldn't be left alone unless he wanted to be.

Chris had asked Lance what he thought he was running, a business or a daycare center, and Lance had offered to pay double for the other guy too just for Chris to let him roam around his house and look at his horses. Chris couldn't make himself refuse – the extra money would keep him from having to sell a filly he wanted to keep – so he had agreed with the stipulation that the guy who'd had the breakdown could go with Chris anytime he wanted to, but Chris was not going to sit around the house watching him.

Chris reached Belle's then and jerked himself out of his thoughts as he paused at the window to scan the late lunch crowd for strangers. Chris moved to the side a moment later so he could see the back tables and groaned when he saw the group seated around the booth in the very back. That _had_ to be them, those four were definitely _not_ from around here. There were only four of them though, so maybe he had gotten lucky and the breakdown guy hadn't come. Chris looked them over again with more than a little distaste, trying to picture any of the four as having been a 'farmboy' and failing miserably.

' _Why me?_ ' Chris thought plaintively after a moment, looking up at the bright blue sky. ' _What did I ever do to you? Gay I have no problem with man, even flamers, but_ ** _them_** _?!_ '

Chris looked back into the diner just as a guy in jeans, a flannel shirt and a white Stetson joined the four at the table, dropping his hat on the table as he sat down and then immediately began to argue with the one wearing the pink t-shirt and dorky glasses. They didn't seem very friendly at all, and Chris really couldn't picture a redneck like that hanging out with the other four so he sighed and headed towards the door to go rescue them from him, thinking that with his luck the one in pink was probably Howie's friend Lance. He looked like the type Howie would hang out with, queer as a three dollar bill and vaguely geeky in those ugly glasses.

Howie had a thing for geeks.

 

* * *

 

"I still can _not_ believe I let you make me come out here," JC said as Lance sat down next to him again, the other three at the table just watching them with interest. The current argument had lasted over two hours and it was getting more and more fun to watch as Lance finally lost patience with JC, who Lance had been tolerating fairly well as JC slowly went from being quiet and withdrawn to bitchy and annoying over the course of their drive. "I just want to go _home_."

Lance snorted, giving JC a level look. "You can sit around in one of Kirkpatrick's cabins being miserable just as easy as you can at home, or you can go sit outside and watch a horse or something, Josh, but you're here and I'm _not_ driving you back to Billings to the airport. You've hidden away in your room for long enough, dammit, and you're going to take your head out of the sand and _live_ again if I have to force you to!" Lance knew that would make JC mad – he hated it when Lance pointed out his problems in front of Nick – but he also knew it would probably shut him up to keep Lance from going into more detail.

" _You_ ," JC said, glaring at Lance and completely missing it as a short older man with a goatee walked into the diner and quickly towards them, "are being a complete and utter _asshole_. I don't want you sitting by me, man, go sit with someone else!"

Lance snorted and was about to reply – there wasn't room for him to sit in the other side of the booth and it was just stupid for him to have to switch with Justin – when a short guy put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Hey buddy, c'mon, leave him alone."

"Yeah, leave me alone," JC said, shoving Lance's shoulder. "Go play cowboy for Jup, he's into that kinky stuff."

"Hey!" Justin said, grinning and trying to make light of it before Lance got pissed. "It's not kinky to like the outdoorsy type!"

Chris began to wonder if the guy in the Stetson was with them then, watching as JC gave Justin a dirty look and said, "It _is_ kinky to get him to wear his hat to bed though, Justin, and don't even try to deny it."

Lance blushed at that and Chris rolled his eyes. He was about try and break it up – Belle would _kill_ him if they got into a queeny screaming match in her diner – when Justin stuck his tongue out at JC, then smirked and said, "You're just jealous 'cause I'm getting some fine-ass booty and you aren't."

JC snorted disdainfully. "You lost your contacts again, didn't you?"

Lance glared at JC. "You're _really_ being a bitch right now, you know that, right?"

Justin ignored Lance and gave JC an even bigger smirk, saying, "I thought only girls got PMS, but I have some Advil if you need them..."

JC spluttered and the other two men at the table started laughing as Chris finally managed to get a word in edgewise. "Are you the group going up to Kirkpatrick's?"

Lance turned his head to look at Chris, his still-angry eyes taking in the battered Doc Martens, dusty torn jeans, Sum 41 t-shirt and the faded old baseball cap that said 'Bad Example'. "Yes," Lance said finally, obviously wary, "we are. Are you one of his employees?"

Chris snorted. "No dude, I'm _him_. There _are_ no employees other than the girl who cooks for me and helps keep the house. Where's your stuff?"

Lance looked surprised as he said, "You're _kidding_ me! Kirkpatrick is supposed to be a professional, not an overaged reject from a _punk_ concert!"

Chris' eyes narrowed. "Your buddy's right, you _are_ an asshole."

JC laughed, suddenly deciding he liked this guy. "This might not be such a bad week after all." He leaned past Lance and gave Chris a grin as he offered him his hand and said, "I'm JC. Nice to meet you."

Chris took JC’s hand, shaking it and giving him a quick smile, wondering if this was the one who'd had the breakdown. "Welcome to Judith's Gap, JC. I'm Chris Kirkpatrick."

"Howie said you're the best, man," one of the others at the table said as Chris let go of JC's hand. Chris looked over at him and the other guy half-stood, leaning across the table to offer Chris his hand as he said, "Alex. Howie said you've got some great horses, too. I haven't been riding in a few years, but I had my own horse as a kid."

Chris shook Alex’s hand, grinning. "It's like ridin' a bike man, you'll do fine. And Howie's right, I do have some good stock, but you shouldn't rely on his word. He wouldn't know a horse's withers from its hocks."

"And you do?" Lance asked suspiciously. "Forgive me but you don't exactly look like a horseman."

Chris snorted and gave Lance a flat look as he said, "And looks say everything about someone, don't they." He looked pointedly at Justin, who looked _maybe_ eighteen and was fairly buff but looking more than a little like a slut in his tight jeans and a tighter brightly tye-dyed t-shirt, then at Alex, who was wearing a black wifebeater that showed off his numerous tattoos with baggy skater jeans, and then the tall blond in the corner who looked a few years older than Justin and was wearing faded, torn jeans and a Metallica t-shirt. Chris gave JC a quick once-over then, fighting the urge to grin at the combination of the pink shirt and dorky glasses, then looked at Lance and asked, "I guess that means you're guiding JC and Alex while they babysit somebody's little brother and his wannabe badass boyfriend?"

JC and Alex both started laughing as Justin and the blond said, "Hey!"

Lance just gave Chris a measuring look and then asked, "What kind of horses do you have available for us?"

"Rangerbreds and Ranger/Mustang crosses," Chris answered immediately. "Toughest horses ever, surefooted on any trail and smart enough not to let you tell them to do something stupid."

Lance looked a little mollified as he asked, "Colorado Rangerbreds? Appaloosas?"

"Spotted, yeah, but not _Appaloosas_ , the Appy registry has ruined 'em by letting in all the damn Quarter horse blood and turning them into showboats with bad legs and feet." He paused a second, then looked pointedly at his watch and asked, "Are you coming or not dude? I got stuff I should be doing if you're going to pack up your boys and go home."

"I'm not a boy dammit," the tall blond said, glaring at Chris.

Chris raised an eyebrow at him. "How old are you, kid?"

"Twenty-one," the blond replied, "And my name is Nick."

Chris leaned across the table offering Nick his hand as he said, "Nice to meet you." Nick shook his hand, then Chris said, "But even if you are legal, you're still a kid to me. You probably don't even shave everyday yet."

Alex laughed and elbowed Nick. "He's got you there, Nicky!"

Nick made a face at Alex as Lance said, "We're coming. Our stuff is out in the truck I rented for the week."

"Then let's get going." Chris stepped back and gestured for them to precede him outside, trying not to look at any of the other people in the diner – he'd be hearing about this for _months_ – as he said, "After you."

Lance grabbed his hat and stood, letting Chris see for the first time that Lance was barely as tall as Chris was. When the others stood up, Chris noticed that Justin was a good six inches taller than Lance, while Alex and Nick were an even more drastic contrast mostly because of Nick's heavy muscular build.

Chris looked expectantly at JC as the other four started towards the door. "C'mon, man, Belle won't let you stay here forever and there ain't no taxis out here. If you still don't want to be here in the morning, I'll have someone drive you into Billings."

JC gave him a wry smile and scooted out of the booth to stand. "Sounds good to me. Can I ride to the ranch with you, though? I've been cooped up with those four for _hours_ and I'm so tired of Lance right now it's not even _remotely_ funny."

Chris chuckled and started out of Belle's with JC following him as he said, "Sure man, whatever you want." He opened the door and held it for JC to go out, then let it swing shut behind them and started down the sidewalk. "Plenty of room in my truck for a skinny little guy like you, but I don't want you to fly out the window when we hit a bump. Maybe we can put you in the glovebox or something."

"Hey!" JC said, half laughing. "I'm not _that_ skinny!"

Chris grinned. "Dude, if you turned sideways you'd disappear! You make _stringbeans_ look fat!"

JC looked like he was going to argue, then laughed and said, "Okay, so maybe I _do_ need to gain a few pounds," as he followed Chris to his truck.

Chris snorted and waved JC towards the passenger side of his dually, ignoring the fact Lance had left the passenger door of their rented Navigator open for JC to get in. "A few, my ass! You're even thinner than a guy I knew in high school, and we used to call him Twiggy."

JC laughed again at that while Lance and Justin exchanged a surprised look, then Lance got out of the back and into the front seat, shutting the passenger door and looking back over at Chris' truck just in time to see JC stick his tongue out at them before Chris said something that made JC grin.

 

* * *

 

Forty-five minutes later Chris pulled his truck around to the side of the main house, waving Lance on to park at the front steps as he looked at JC. "Hope you don't mind a walk, I need to park this thing by the barn. I've got feed to unload later."

JC had been good company for about half the drive up, then had seemed to slowly run out of steam again until he was quiet and withdrawn, two things Chris had never been accused of being and didn't really know how to handle. For the last few miles it had been nearly silent in the truck, the only sounds coming from outside the open windows or from the truck itself as JC stared out through the windshield or his window and Chris mentally lectured himself about greed.

"I don't mind a bit," JC answered quietly, looking towards the pasture of brightly spotted horses the truck was steadily drawing closer to, then he made a decision and looked at Chris. "Can I go pet your horses while you go get the four stooges settled in their cabins? It won't take me but a minute to settle in later wherever you want me, I promise."

Chris nodded, surprised. "Sure, just stay away from the corral out back, Demon doesn't like strangers."

"Demon?" JC asked, watching Chris' face as he turned the truck around to back up to the barn door.

Chris grinned at him, then looked in the rear view mirror again. "Yeah, I got him from a buddy at the BLM. He's my only wild-caught mustang, tougher than hell and he knows it, and more than a little rank from being mishandled by a couple of the BLM guys who didn't know you just can't push a horse that smart without him fighting back. He'll barely tolerate me messing with him without going postal and I've been working with him for over a year, so you need to stay away from him."

Chris parked the truck and turned it off as JC said, "I will, I'll stick to petting the ones who look friendly, or the babies if they'll come to me."

"Good idea," Chris said as he got out of the truck, leaving his door open. "You'll have to get out my side, I think. The fence is too close on the other side."

JC slid across the bench and hopped out Chris' door, then shut it and looked around with a smile. "Howie's right, it's beautiful up here. You must get a lot of business."

Chris laughed. "I wish I did! If Howie hadn't pointed y'all this way I'd be looking at selling a couple of my broodmares right now."

JC gave Chris a surprised look, then looked towards the pasture on the far side of the truck where a dozen or so spotted mares and their foals could be seen walking towards the barn. "Do you usually sell them?"

Chris shook his head and looked towards the small herd, suddenly serious as he said simply, "You don't sell family." Chris stared at the approaching horses a long moment, then seemed to realize where he was and gave JC a quick self-depreciating grin. "I'm gettin' sappy in my old age man, sorry. You can go on out in the pasture there with them if you want, the foals especially would love the attention. All the mares are gentle and friendly except one, and she's just shy so you'll be perfectly safe out with them."

"Don't be sorry," JC said, impulsively reaching out to put his hand on Chris' arm. "I think it's great you can admit you care that much about them. And I'll try to make them happy, but I don't know much about horses."

Chris chuckled at that, moving his arm away from JC's touch to gesture towards the horses as he said, "All you have to do to make these moochers happy is pet them and talk to them, or feed them some carrots out of the blue bin just inside the barn, but it's about empty I think. I wish I could stay too." He looked wistfully over the back of the pickup at the horses who were now standing along the fence, then gave JC a smile and said, "Have fun and come on up to the house when you feel like it. I'll carry your stuff in. Do you want a cabin or a room in the main house?"

"A room, please," JC replied immediately, smiling. "I hate living alone, even for a week."

Chris grinned. "Me too. Like the girl says, it's bad when you annoy yourself."

JC looked surprised. "I love that song! _'Don't Let Me Get Me'_ could be like, my life story or something."

"I sure didn't picture you as the type to listen to Pink," Chris said, also surprised.

"Oh yeah man, it's not just a good color," JC replied, grinning suddenly. "I _love_ her new album, it's great."

Chris laughed and shifted his weight slightly, thinking that JC's grin lit up his whole face as he said, "Yeah, it is. I just got—"

" _Christopher_!" a female voice yelled from the front of the house, startling both of them. "Quit talkin' to the horses and get your butt up here!"

Chris rolled his eyes and gave JC a grin. "Brit's on the warpath, I gotta go. Have fun."

JC smiled and nodded, not letting the little twinge of disappointment he felt show. “I will, thanks."

Chris gave him a wink and then started towards the house just as the girl yelled, "Did you hear me, Kirkpatrick?!"

"Yeah, yeah, I _heard_ you, keep your shirt on!" Chris called back.

A brunette stuck her head around the corner of the house then. "You don't pay me enough to go topless, Kirkpatrick!"

Chris snorted and called back, "Don't nobody around here wanna see your hooters anyway, girl, payin' you or not!"

JC chuckled softly and walked around the truck to the fence, leaning on it to pet the horses for a moment before he slipped between the rails and walked in amongst them talking softly. Ryan and all of the problems he'd caused were out of JC's mind for the first time in a long time, his complete attention on the horses as he stroked sleek hides and marveled at the bright patterns of their spots, smiling when the ones further from him crowded closer. He didn't notice when the smallest foal, one that was white with black spots all over it, decided it liked him and began following him as he walked a little further from the fence to pet the oldest foal, a big buckskin filly with black and white spots over her hips. The littlest colt rubbed up against JC's hip as he started to pet the yearling, pushing him away from the bigger horse to make JC pay attention to it while JC laughed delightedly.

JC didn't even notice that Lance watching him from the corner of the house, smiling and silently congratulating himself. JC was not only talking and making friends – something JC hadn't really done since _long_ before Ryan left him – he was also striking out on his own for the first time in months and _laughing_. JC being happy had become a rare enough occurrence over the last few months that even a chuckle was a small victory, so the happy laughter Lance could barely hear had just made this whole trip worth every penny to his mind.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

~ ~ 2 ~ ~

 

JC was grinning and dusty as he walked up the steps to the front porch, thinking again about how much fun it had been to watch the littlest baby run and play. The foal had obviously wanted to follow him when JC decided to go into the next pasture, and it had run and jumped and had a bucking fit that had JC laughing again and boosted his ego quite a bit. He might not always do well with people – he never seemed to be able to do or say the right thing around Lance especially, not anymore – but the colt definitely liked him and wanted his company so he must be doing something right.

JC had loved knowing he could do _anything_ he felt like doing, and after a few minutes of just laying in the grass watching the horses through the fence he had gotten up and started off across the pasture, wondering how big it was. He walked through the knee-high grass in the general direction of the road that had led them to the ranch, pausing often to look at wildlife he spotted or to look out over the sheltered little lake he found hidden back in the trees, and felt free for the first time in years. He was only a little surprised when he came to another fence half an hour later and recognized the main driveway. He'd thought about it a moment and then gone through the fence to follow the driveway the quarter of a mile back up to the house at an easy jog, grinning and enjoying the exercise and the complete peace and quiet, totally happy even though he was more completely alone than he had been since he started college.

When JC knocked on the front door just after sundown, he looked quite a bit different from when he'd gotten out of Chris' truck a few hours ago, much more relaxed and obviously happy with a healthy flush to his cheeks and sparkling eyes. His glasses had disappeared into his pocket because the horses kept knocking them off, and he had liberal grass stains on his khakis and t-shirt and grass and a twig in his hair, which was now poofed out and sticking up instead of neatly combed back.

JC waited for a few minutes for someone to answer the door, then opened it and stuck his head in to look around as he slowly moved inside, checking out the room. The furniture was all western themed but without being done in cowhide and leather like he had somehow thought it would be, instead using varnished wood and patterned fabrics on the overstuffed furniture that reminded JC of the blanket he'd seen laying in the back seat of Chris' truck. There was light shining through a doorway in the far left corner of the room next to the stairway that led to the second floor, and JC decided to try the lighted room first since he thought it was the kitchen and figured someone would be in there soon to fix supper.

JC was almost to the brightly lit door, which he was now sure was the kitchen because he could see the refrigerator, when a pretty little brunette came out of a darkened hallway he hadn't seen and said, "Hi!" brightly, making him jump and whirl around to look at her.

The girl giggled. "Sorry I spooked you, you must be JC, right? Chris mentioned you were out with the horses, but he and Lance thought you'd be back long before now. Chris is helping your friends move their things into the cabins they chose further up the mountain, but he'll be back soon and then we'll have supper, okay?"

JC nodded and smiled at her. "Yeah, sounds great, I'm starved. You're Brit, right?"

The girl nodded, smiling as she walked towards the kitchen. "Yep! Britney, but everyone calls me –"

"Brat!" Chris said as he walked out of the kitchen, grinning.

Britney closed the short distance between her and Chris to swat his shoulder, and then looked back at JC and smiled. "Everyone calls me _Brit_."

JC smiled. "Nice to meet you, Brit."

"Nice to meet you too, JC," she replied with a grin. "We can eat as soon as you two wash your hands," Britney said, then looked at Chris and added, "Make yourself useful and show JC where his room is while I set the table."

"Yes _ma'am_ ," Chris said, making a face at her. "Whatever you say, _ma'am_."

Britney patted his cheek with a smirk. "And they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks!" She walked into the kitchen, leaving Chris spluttering.

JC chuckled at the expression on Chris' face as Chris found his voice and called, "You better shape up, Brat, or you won't be riding my horses!"

"And _you'd_ better go get your hands washed or you won't eat in _my_ kitchen, Kirkpatrick!" Britney called back. "You have ten minutes!"

Chris made faces in the general direction of the kitchen, then turned to JC and gave him a grin. "She's a saucy little heifer, but she's a great cook and damn good on a horse, and she likes it up here. C'mon, I'll show you your room."

Chris started for the stairs and JC followed him as he said, "It must be nice to have someone who shares your interests like that."

Chris looked over his shoulder at JC, surprised, then laughed as they turned to the left to continue up the stairs. "God no, Britney just _works_ for me. Didn't Howie tell you anything about me?"

"Not that anyone told me, why?" JC asked, curious.

Chris chuckled and turned to the right at the top of the stairs. "I'm not just an old friend of his, Howie and I were together for almost two years back in college."

"So you're...?" JC trailed off questioningly.

"Gay," Chris replied as he stopped next to an open door. "Just like your buddy Justin and you too if my gaydar hasn't gone completely nuts."

JC laughed more from surprise than amusement and nodded. "Yeah, me and Justin are both gay, but the others are too, pretty much."

Chris grinned and gestured towards the door. "Your room," he said, and then he pointed down the hall and added, "Mine's next door, Brit's is the one after that. And your friends _can't_ be gay dude, they noticed Brit."

JC started into his room, turning just inside the doorway to give Chris a sudden grin. "I said gay, not _blind_." JC shut the door then as Chris walked off down the hallway, laughing.

 _'I think this is going to be a nice change after all_ ,’ JC thought as he walked towards his bed, still smiling. He had really enjoyed his time outside playing with the mares and foals, and the walk had been at least as nice. He hadn't been outside just for fun in longer than he could remember and he thought he had made several friends amongst the horses, especially the little colt who had decided to follow JC everywhere. His smile widened a bit as he thought of the colt, wondering if Chris would have some more carrots in the kitchen that he could take out for its mother. She loved them but JC had already fed the few carrots that were in the barn to the other horses before she finally came to him, so she had only gotten one little piece.

JC pulled a brush out of the smaller bag on his bed and then dug a clean t-shirt out of his suitcase before he went into the bathroom to get cleaned up, humming softly to himself and wishing he had thought to bring his little portable stereo. He didn't like being alone – well alone indoors; for some reason being alone _outside_ didn't bother him – and silence just made it worse. When it got too quiet his mind would sometimes randomly kick into overdrive, and he would have thoughts and memories hitting him faster than he could really handle, which he hated because he started reacting instead of thinking and he would do stupid things. As soon as that thought crossed his mind he remembered the last day he had spent in his ex-boyfriend's apartment, also the last time he was really alone for any length of time, and flushed in shame.

After Ryan told him to get out and left him alone in their apartment, JC had tried to kill himself by overdosing on some sleeping pills. He hadn’t eaten before he took them, and he had a sensitive stomach so all he had managed to do was make himself violently sick, causing him to throw up most of the pills before he passed out. Justin and Lance had come by on their way out to dinner a few hours later and found him unconscious, and they had taken him to the emergency room. It was quite obvious JC had tried rather ineptly to overdose himself – the doctor later told him that even if he hadn't thrown up he didn't take enough pills to kill him – so they had put him on suicide watch, and Lance and Justin had made him move in with them when the hospital released him a few days later. JC had been living in their guest room ever since, even though he _knew_ he was getting worse the longer he stayed there instead of better.

JC pulled off his shirt to change then but stopped instead and looked at himself in the mirror, _really_ looking for the first time in a long time, and the sight that greeted him wasn't a welcome one. He remembered a time when his body had looked a lot like Justin's and he had weighed almost as much, but now he looked like he had been starved, his ribs easily visible above his too-flat stomach. He had some muscle in his chest and shoulders still and even faint abs from working out with Justin a couple times a week, but it was a pitiful contrast to JC's memories of himself even a year ago, much less five years ago. He probably weighed a good fifty pounds less than he had back then, and there hadn't been an ounce of fat on him, just lean hard muscle from spending all his free time in clubs dancing or out playing basketball with his friends. Ryan hadn't liked him hanging out with his friends though, and over the last two years JC had become a hermit even though he hated to be alone, seldom leaving the house except to go to the gym or to buy groceries.

JC sighed softly, looking into his own eyes in the mirror as he let his mind roam even though he knew it wouldn't be pleasant. He knew quite well that he was screwed up and had been for a long time, but he hadn't been able to make himself care enough to really try to change it. He usually did quite the opposite in fact, trying to forget all his problems. His psychiatrist said he was a textbook case of dependent personality disorder complete with associated eating and adjustment disorders plus agoraphobia and depression. He hated visiting her because he was very tired of having that little slip of a woman look for the magic spot in his psyche to poke to make him be normal, or berate him for not even trying to get better. He wasn't sure he would ever get better, truthfully, and he didn't really think he needed anyone else to point out each and every way he was screwed up. He could tear _himself_ down just fine, thank you.

JC's shrink reminded him quite a lot of his mother, really. When Karen found out her precious son was gay she had been sure that she could talk JC out of it, and had spent hours lecturing him before he finally told her off and she told him to get out of her house. JC had packed some clothes and left, and he hadn't talked to any of his family since except his little brother, but even Tyler didn't call very often anymo—

JC broke off in mid-thought as he realized that he was on the edge of tears and glared at the mirror, angry at himself for letting them hurt him again even though it had been years since his family turned their back on him. He firmly pushed the memories away again as he turned on the sink and bent to wash his face, scrubbing it roughly with cold water and again wishing for his stereo. If he had music playing he would have been able to get lost in it instead of thinking about himself, something that always depressed him. He was pretty pathetic even by his own admittedly relaxed standards, and the more he though about it the more pathetic he found himself to be.

JC had just pulled on the clean t-shirt and was brushing his hair when he heard a knock at his door. "Come in, it's open," he called as he quickly finished brushing the grass out of his hair.

Chris opened the door and stuck his head in, grinning when he saw JC walk out of the bathroom. "You don't want to miss Brit's barbequed brisket, man, it's out of this world." Chris wasn't wearing the hat anymore so JC could finally see that his hair had a faint purple tint to it, something JC was glad Lance hadn't seen before or he never would have believed Chris owned a ranch. Lance had very few prejudices, but one of them was a complete dislike of what he termed 'punks', which took in everything from softcore Goth to true punks with their safety pins, headbanging music and wild hair.

JC smiled at Chris and crossed the room towards him. "I was just about to go down."

Chris opened the door wider with a big grin and said, "Well c'mon, then!" as he turned to go and JC couldn't help a little grin at Chris' obvious enthusiasm. JC followed him out of the room and towards the stairs, consciously pushing everything out of his mind except Chris and the ranch. JC liked it here already and liked the happy, enthusiastic man who was leading him towards the kitchen, and he figured thinking about them would help keep him from depressing himself again.

"What did you think of the horses?" Chris asked with a grin as they reached the bottom of the stairs a couple of minutes later, falling in to step next to JC as they both headed towards the kitchen.

JC grinned back at him as he said, "They're great, especially the littlest one. He decided he wanted to be my little buddy, and his mom – I think she was his mom anyway – finally decided she agreed with him."

Chris stopped in surprise. "The black leopard mare?" he asked, then when he saw JC's confused look he clarified, "The white one with black spots, like a dalmation."

"And some grey around her head, with a faded red halter?" Chris nodded quickly, still looking surprised but smiling as he started walking again, and JC followed him as went on. "Yeah, her. She didn't want to come too close at first but after a little while she let me pet her." JC stopped talking when they walked in the kitchen, but after only a moment he added, "She loved the carrots too, but I had already fed all but one piece to the others before she came to me."

"We've got more in the pantry," Britney said then with a grin, looking at them from where she was standing by the table pouring a glass of tea. "We have more carrots around here than anybody in their right mind could eat, but almost all of them go to Chris' babies."

Chris grinned and moved to sit down at the table, gesturing for JC to sit to his right. "Yeah, I'll take more when I go after supper to unload that feed." Chris watched as JC sat down next to him before he added, "You must be good with horses, Kayla usually won't come to anyone she doesn't know."

Britney looked up from pouring Chris a glass of tea in surprise to meet JC's eyes. " _Kayla_ came to you?"

JC blushed slightly. "If Kayla is the one we were just talking about, yeah, but I didn't do anything really, I just petted whoever wanted me to."

"Still," Chris said, grinning, "Kayla carries dudes for me but she hasn't come to _anyone_ but me and Brit since I got her. You must be pretty special."

JC's blush deepened as Brit tactfully changed the subject, asking, "What would you like to drink, JC? We have tea, water, Dr. Pepper, and root beer, or I could make you some coffee if you'd like."

"Water, please," JC replied, giving her a grateful smile.

Chris grinned at JC's obvious hope that they'd drop the subject and changed it slightly, asking, "So the little guy decided he liked you, huh?"

JC nodded, still smiling. "Yeah, he kept chasing the biggest baby away from me when she wanted me to pet her, and then he got mad when I left and had a little hissy fit, running and jumping all around and kicking at the fence."

Britney giggled and sat a pitcher of ice water on the table by JC's glass as Chris laughed and said, "Sounds like Pepper alright, he's gonna be a _handful_ when he's bigger. He's my first foal by Demon and definitely has his spunk, but he's got Kayla's gentleness too, which is great. He'd be pure hell to handle if he was like his daddy."

"Speaking of foals by Demon," Britney said as she finally sat down and dropped the dishtowel she'd had draped over her shoulder onto the table by her plate, "have you checked on Lacy this evening? She was acting a little restless when I was out there just before you got back from town, but the predictor strip said right around twelve hours so I didn't stay."

Britney took a couple of slices of brisket as Chris nodded and said, "That's what took me so long, I stopped at the barn. She's definitely restless and waxed too, and when I tested her it said less than nine hours, so I'm going to stay out there tonight, at least until she foals."

Britney passed Chris the plate of meat and then picked up the bowl of potato salad. "You think you'll need my help with her? Joe called a few hours ago, and he wanted to go out tonight. I told him I'd call after supper and let him know if I'd be free."

"Go ahead and go," Chris answered, smiling. "Lacy's a trouper, I doubt she'll have any problems I can't handle alone, and I know you've missed Joe. Lance and the others are going to stay in the cabins for a few days before they head up the mountain to camp out, so I won't need you again until tomorrow around noon."

"Thanks!" Brit replied with a big grin as she set the potato salad down where the other two could reach it. "Joey's gonna love you, he's been complaining something fierce about how he never has time to come up here and stay on the mountain anymore now that he's working full time for his dad."

Chris chuckled and handed JC the plate of meat, then looked at Brit. "Joe's _so_ not my type girl, he'll just have to stick to followin' you around like a lovesick puppy until you decide to take pity on him and marry the guy."

Britney giggled. "Not my fault, he hasn't asked me yet."

Chris laughed then got some potato salad as he said, "You and I both know Joe has his heart set on you and him living in some big ol' rambling house with dogs and kids and sawdust everywhere."

JC smiled at that mental image and put the plate of meat back on the table as Britney grinned and asked, "You're gonna let us have all that in your house?"

"Who said anything about _my_ house?" Chris asked, going wide-eyed at the very idea. "I'm too old to have screaming babies waking me up at two in the morning! You two can build on to one of the cabins, or we'll clear y'all some land and you can let Joe's brother build you what you want, but the day you come home from the hospital with a baby is the day you move out. There's a perfect spot to build a house up on that ridgeline back behind the round pen, and I bet Joe could even set up a workshop in the pink cabin. We hardly ever use that one anyway, and that way he wouldn't have to go down the hill to work every day."

JC watched with a smile as Britney stared at Chris in shock and asked, "You'd let us live up here? Really?"

Chris grinned. "Wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it, girl. There's plenty of room, and I kinda like having you around."

Britney squealed and jumped up to reach for Chris and throw her arms around his neck, laughing and crying at the same time as she said, "Thank you," over and over again.

Chris patted her back awkwardly, looking bemused. "Aww, c'mon, Brat, calm down. I'd do the same thing for any of my sisters, you know that. Besides, I don't want to give up the best cook I've ever had just 'cause you wanna get married, so that means your man has to come up here, right?"

Britney pulled away, smiling happily even though her eyes were full of tears. "Kirkpatrick, you may be a crazy old reprobate but you are _still_ one of the sweetest men I have ever met."

Britney kissed his cheek then and Chris blushed bright red. "Girl, sit down and eat!"

Britney giggled and sat back down in her chair, wiping her eyes with the dishtowel, then she looked up at Chris. "You have no idea what this means to me, and what it'll mean to Joe. The main reason Joe hasn't asked me to marry him yet is because he's been saving up to buy us a little place. Joe senior has already promised him the stuff to set up his own workshop as a wedding present, so Joey has just been saving and watching property prices around here." Britney bounced repeatedly in her chair like a hyper child then, grinning like a fool as she sing-songed, "I'm getting married!"

Chris shook his head, chuckling. "Not even gonna let Joe ask you, are you?"

"Why bother?" Britney asked, still grinning.

"It's the _principle_ of the thing, girl," Chris answered, laughing. "A guy only gets to ask someone to marry him once in his life if he's lucky, and most want to do it right."

JC smiled at that, remembering when Justin got down on one knee one night just a few weeks ago and asked Lance to marry him. Lance had a such fit about Justin asking him as though he was 'a freaking _girl_ ' that he totally forgot to say yes, and Justin actually had to ask him a second time. Lance told him yes, of course, but said they were going to have a long engagement so their mothers could plan the wedding. Justin had quickly agreed because he knew just as well as Lance did that Lynn and Diane would kill them both if they just ran off and got married, and the tentative date had been set for a week after Lance graduated college, which was about six months away.

"Joey can ask me if he wants, I won't mind," Britney replied with a smirk, "but it'll be tonight I bet. As soon as I tell him he's going to go nuts, I know it."

Chris chuckled. "Kind of like you just did, huh?" Britney just grinned and started eating instead of answering him so Chris did the same, hurrying just a bit so he could go out and get busy unloading feed.

Chris glanced over at JC a few minutes later to see he hadn't eaten much, then watched him covertly as he ate, noticing that JC had drunk half the pitcher of water but had pushed his food around without eating more than a bite or two. Chris finally spoke up just as he finished his own meal, giving JC a teasing smile as he said, "You're gonna dry up and blow away if you don't eat somethin', man. If you don't want brisket there's other stuff around here you could eat."

JC looked up in surprise, and then blushed and looked down at his plate. "The brisket's great, really, I just drank too much water."

Chris chuckled. "You were pretty dry, huh?"

JC looked up, smiling slightly and still blushing as he nodded. "Yeah, I had a lot of fun playing with Pepper and the other babies and then took a nice walk, but I haven't really been outside in months and I was _really_ thirsty when I came in." JC looked at Britney then and added, "It's not the food, I promise, this is the best brisket I've had in _years_ , I just drank too much water like an idiot."

Britney smiled. "Don't worry, JC, it'll keep and you needed the water or you wouldn't have been so thirsty. You should carry a water bottle with you if you're not used to being outside a lot though, that way you won't get dehydrated. We have a whole box of them in the pantry if you'd like one."

JC nodded quickly, his smile widening. "Please. I used to go hiking a lot and I always took a bottle with me. Justin made fun of me for it, but he wasn't shy about drinking it the few times he went with me."

Chris chuckled at that as Britney smiled at JC and asked, "Justin is the hot redhead with the curls, right? Is he your little brother?"

JC laughed softly. "That's Justin, yeah, but he's not quite my brother. We've been together for years now, ever since his mom hired me to keep an eye on him over the summer back when he was ten and I was fourteen. Justin's mom Lynn had just started going to church with my mom then, and when she heard I was looking for a summer job she came by and asked if I would babysit her son while she worked. I said yes since it was a lot better than mowing lawns and showed up with a couple of easy video games I'd rented, expecting to watch a kindergartner. I wound up with a kid who was old enough to resent the fact I brought 'baby games' instead, and we started arguing before his mother even left." Britney giggled at that and JC grinned at her, then went on, "That was almost ten years ago. We've stuck together through school and coming out to our parents, albeit separately, and even moving away to college," JC looked down at his plate then, fiddling with his fork as he finished, "Justin and his mom are pretty much the only family I have anymore."

Britney gave him a sympathetic look and said softly, "I'm sorry."

JC looked up quickly, giving her a smile. "Don't be, I'm not. They couldn't accept me for who and what I am, and when I wouldn't change to suit them they told me not to come back. Justin's all the family I need anyway, him and Lynn. They both love me a whole lot more than my family did and accept me just like I am, weird flaws and all."

"How did Justin wind up staying with Lance this week?" Britney asked then, looking surprised when Chris snorted softly.

JC looked confused and then made a face. "Eww, no, Justin's _not_ my boyfriend, not now or ever, it would be just too weird. He and Lance have been living together for over a year now, and they dated almost a year before that." JC grinned suddenly and added, "They just got engaged a few weeks ago. Justin's been beside himself waiting for this trip so he could get Lance off alone for a while, but it was really Lance's idea, sort of a honeymoon before the honeymoon type of thing."

Chris chuckled, nodding. "I gathered as much when I was helping them carry their stuff up to their cabin. Justin was grinning like an idiot, and every time Lance looked at him Lance would grin too and move a little faster, and there was no doubt what Justin had on his mind, not in those tight jeans of his." JC and Britney both giggled at that, sounding remarkably similar, and Chris grinned as he asked, "What does he do, paint them on?"

"Sometimes I wonder!" JC answered with a grin, his eyes full of laughter. "Those jeans he wore today are only a couple of sizes bigger than what _I_ wear, I'm sure of it, and he hasn't been able to wear my clothes in years."

"I'm not surprised," Chris said, grinning. "But he definitely had Lance's attention so I guess they did their job."

"Justin could keep Lance's attention no matter what he's wearing though," JC replied, chuckling. "Lance can't resist it when Justin pours on the charm, even though he tries to pretend he can just to keep Justin guessing. I'm surprised Justin didn't just drag Lance off and leave you to carry everything, really. He was trying to get Lance alone all afternoon. Lance had a terrible time convincing Justin not to follow him into the bathroom at that diner, and Justin only behaved himself then because a big guy who looked like he probably juggles _cows_ for fun went in the bathroom just before Lance did." Britney giggled again as JC added, "I'd be willing to bet Lance threatened to make him sleep on the couch to get him to behave after we got here. There's not much else that scares Justin into behaving himself."

Chris laughed. "That's probably why Justin was pouting when they got out of their truck up at the cabin."

JC nodded, chuckling slightly. "Probably. The pout doesn't work anymore and he knows it, but he still tries when he really wants something. Sometimes I think Justin's twenty going on twelve, but there are other times I have to wonder when he went and grew up without telling me."

"My little sister did that," Chris said with a grin. "It seemed like she went from Barbie dolls to a wedding dress in no time flat. I remember when I gave her the talk about the birds and the bees because my mom hadn't realized she was fooling around with her boyfriend yet and I wasn't gonna see my sis unmarried and pregnant at sixteen. There I was explaining to my _sister_ that guys are horn-dogs and she'd better make him work for it and use protection, blushing red as a beet, and she just sat there and listened patiently to me until I was done. Then she said 'I know all that but thanks anyway, I haven't gotten to see you blush so much since Mom caught you with your first boyfriend.'"

Britney giggled at that as JC laughed and then said, "Justin and I went through sort of the same thing. Lynn had me tell him about the birds and the bees when he was fourteen because she wasn't comfortable with the subject and trusted me to make sure he knew to stay safe. Lynn knew I was gay by then but Justin didn't, so she figured that no matter which way he swung Justin could ask me if he wanted to know more. Justin listened to me and then said he couldn't understand why he didn't want to do stuff with his girl since all the other guys his age seemed to think about sex all the time. I told him that he might not be ready yet or that he could be like me and not like girls and that it was okay, but Justin didn't agree."

JC gave Chris and Britney a wry grin. "He didn't talk to me for a week, but when I came out to my parents sort of by accident one day he did a complete turnaround and he and his mother both stood by me, letting me move in with them. Jup was still sure he was straight though, even though he admitted that he didn't really like girls that much, and that's all he dated until after he graduated high school. He had a reputation by then for being really easy, mostly because he was trying to convince himself he really was straight." JC grinned suddenly as he added, "Then we both went off to college and we were assigned to Lance in freshman orientation for him to show us around. Justin hasn't looked twice at a mini skirt since."

Britney giggled as Chris laughed and said, "So the kid's bi. I had him pegged for gay for sure."

JC shook his head, still grinning. "No, man, you had him pegged right, he's gay, he just tried _really_ hard not to believe it until he met Lance because he was a jock and ‘everyone’ knows jocks can't be gay." JC chuckled. "You should have been there when he tried to explain to Lance that he really didn't like girls even though it was less than week after we moved into the dorm and he had _already_ earned a rep on campus as being really easy. Lance wouldn't date him at all until Justin convinced him he really was gay and was staying away from girls, and he hasn't dated or even seriously looked at anyone else since."

Chris grinned. "Sounds like the kid fell hard."

JC nodded and returned the grin. "Oh yeah, Justin took one look and he was toast, he couldn't talk about anything but Lance for _months_. It was probably adorable if you didn't spend every waking minute with him, but he and I were roommates. By the end of the first week, I was wishing he would just go back to being 'straight'. At least when he was dating girls he wanted to talk about basketball instead of incessantly telling me how wonderful they were."

Chris laughed and stood to start clearing the table as Britney grinned at JC and asked, "Did you pick on him about it?"

"Of course," JC replied with a grin, "that's my job."

Britney giggled and stood up to put the food away while Chris cleared the dishes, and it wasn't long before they were both done. Britney gave Chris a kiss on the cheek and told him goodnight before she left to go call Joey, leaving Chris leaning back against the counter smiling at JC.

"I have to go put up that feed and then stay with Lacy until she foals," Chris said after a moment, "you're welcome to come along if you like, but I warn you it's liable to be pretty boring until she actually has the baby."

"I'd like that," JC replied. "I'm not even close to being tired enough to sleep yet."

Chris cocked his head to one side, smiling. "You could watch TV, we get just about every channel known to man on the satellite and there's a couple of computers in the den you're welcome to play with if you want."

"I'd much rather sit out in the barn with the horses if you don't mind," JC answered with a suddenly hesitant look. "I'll stay out of your way, I promise."

"Hell no, I don't mind a bit," Chris replied with a quick grin, remembering finally that Lance said JC didn't like being alone. "It'll be _nice_ to have some company on foal watch for a change, usually I'm out there all night long with nothing to do but stare at a horse and listen to my stereo." Chris chuckled, then added, "Before we go I'm going to get some carrots to refill the bin at the barn and make a snack for later. If you've got any music we could listen to while we're out there, you could go get it now – I'm getting tired of the stuff I have out there – and then we'll go. That sound okay to you?"

JC nodded quickly, smiling as he stood up. "Sure. What kind of music are you in the mood for?"

Chris cocked his head to one side, thinking, then shrugged and pushed off of the counter to start towards the door in the corner of the kitchen. "I listen to just about everything but rap and pop country, so anything from punk rock to jazz is cool with me."

"Same here," JC replied with a sudden grin, happily surprised. "I'll just bring my CD folder and you can pick something."

Chris paused at the door to grin at him. "Thanks! I'll wait for you on the back porch, okay?"

JC nodded and gave him a quick smile before he left the kitchen to go upstairs and get his CDs, actually looking forward to an evening of sitting in the barn. He didn't bother to wonder _why_ , and if someone had asked him and made him think about it he would have been hard-pressed to pick a single reason. He thought seeing a foal born would be amazing, yeah, but the idea of spending a few hours talking with Chris was just as attractive, and listening to music while watching the horses had quite a bit of appeal too. Any one of them would have been enough to make JC look forward to the next few hours, so the prospect of doing all three had him smiling in anticipation as he hurried to his room.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

~ ~ 3 ~ ~

 

Ten minutes later, JC and Chris were walking down the kitchen steps to head towards the barn in the dark, both of them quiet. JC was carrying his CDs and a burlap bag of carrots while Chris carried a small cooler he had packed with a few drinks and a snack for later just in case they wound up staying out longer than he expected.

They were about halfway to the barn when JC suddenly asked, "Do you think Lacy will mind me being out here?"

Chris shook his head, smiling at JC in the darkness. "Nah, some of my girls would mind, but Lacy actually likes company when she foals. Last year she was due about the time Demon broke my wrist and some of my ribs, and she wouldn't have her filly – the oldest one you were petting earlier, the buckskin – until I got out of the hospital even though she was almost a week overdue. She didn't have a bit of trouble, but I'm _sure_ she waited on me. She was really happy to see me when I got back that night, and an hour later Scotch was already trying to stand."

"Wow," JC said quietly as they reached the barn, then watched Chris open the sliding door and flip on the light, unable to help a chuckle when several horses nickered.

Chris grinned at JC and put the cooler on the open tailgate of his pickup. "You can drop the carrots in the bin, then I'll show you where we'll be watching Lacy from."

JC nodded and put the bag of carrots in the bin he had emptied earlier, and then set his CDs on top of it and walked after Chris towards the stalls as one by one the horses came to stick their heads over their doors to watch them. Chris gave each of the horses along the row of stalls on his left a quick pat as he passed them, pausing at the only stall without a horse leaning out to talk softly to Kayla before he entered her stall.

JC didn't want to make Kayla back off so he moved over to the row of stalls on the right while Chris talked to her, petting each of the horses there as he walked along, much like Chris had done on the other side. He reached the end of the row and paused to look at the spotted black horse that was in the last stall, surprised to see bars on the door to its stall so that it couldn't put its head out. JC looked the horse over more closely, wondering why the stall was barred, and was almost shocked at how dirty the horse was, its short mane and tail tangled and unkempt and its hooves slightly ragged looking. As JC looked more closely he saw it also had one ear that was actually split at the tip and quite a few scars that nearly blended into the multitude of white and black spots that covered the horse from the shoulders back. JC hadn't seen any other horses that looked as rough as this one in Chris' herd, and his curiosity was piqued as to why so he moved closer, his eyes on the horse at it watched him over its shoulder from across the stall.

The horse snorted softly as JC reached the door and whirled around to face him, the tangled tail switching around muddy hocks as its ears flicked back and forth. "It's okay, I just want to look at you," JC said softly, taking in the powerful build and the wary, distrustful look in its eyes as the horse snorted again more loudly and pawed the shavings in its stall, shaking its head suddenly and making the halter it wore rattle.

"Don't get any closer," Chris said then, making JC look towards him as he came out of Kayla's stall across the aisle. "That's Demon, I brought him in to feed him and haven't let him out yet."

"I won't," JC answered, immediately stepping away from the stall as he turned to look at the stallion again. "Why is he afraid of me, though? Doesn't he know he's safe in there?"

Chris walked over to stand next to JC, looking at the horse. "That's not fear, JC. Demon isn't afraid of anything. He's warning you not to get any closer, or he'll have to do something about it."

JC's eyes widened and he looked at Chris. "Could he get out of there?"

Chris shook his head and gave JC a reassuring smile. "Not without a fight he couldn't, this is the strongest stall in the barn. Even if he did, I could probably get to my rifle before he got out of the stall, so don't worry."

"You... You'd _shoot_ him?" JC asked, shocked.

Chris looked at the stallion again, his gaze finding the stallion’s intelligent eyes almost the same shade of brown as his own. "Only if he made me. When I took Demon in, it was because I was the only person willing to try and gentle him, even though he nearly killed a man, and for my trouble he tried to kill _me_. He's more dangerous than any other horse I've ever met, but he and I have a sort of truce now. I don't push him or expect him to act like he likes me, and he doesn't try to kill me anymore. Well, not often." Chris gave JC a quick grin, then looked at the horse again as he added, "If he _does_ ever get to be too much for me, the kindest thing for me to do would be to put him down. _Nobody_ but the BLM would take him, and they would just sell him to a meat buyer like they were going to do until my buddy Jeff told me about him. There's people out there who adopt mustangs just to dump them in a feed lot for the two years until their titles are final, then take them straight to slaughter."

JC shuddered slightly, looking at Demon, who seemed to almost be listening to them. "Sounds like you're his last chance."

Chris nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. I'm the only guy in the country crazy enough to keep a stallion who would probably kill me if I turned my back on him when he was in a bad mood." Chris made a sudden decision then and looked at JC as he said, "He hates being locked up, so I'm gonna take him back out before he gets mean. I don't want him to kick at you on his way by, so why don't you move over into Kayla's stall? She won't mind and Pepper would like to see you, I bet."

JC nodded quickly. "Sure. Is he going to let you lead him out?"

"Oh yeah," Chris replied with a confident grin. "I'm the only one allowed, but he'll let me do that much." Chris turned to go open the sliding door at the back of the barn and then opened the heavy wooden gate that was just outside the door.

JC gave the stallion one last wary look and then crossed the aisle to Kayla's stall, pausing at the door to say softly, "It's okay girl, it's just me." He watched for a moment to be sure Kayla didn’t seem upset by him being there before he opened it and stepped inside. Pepper immediately walked over to JC as he turned to shut the door and look over it at Chris, who was walking towards Demon's stall with a thick black leadrope. JC let the colt push in between him and the door and began absently scratching Pepper’s back and shoulder as he watched Chris, hoping Demon would behave.

Chris opened the stall and the stallion snorted, tossing his head and taking a step back as his ears laid back against his tangled mane. "Don't give me any of your shit, Demon," Chris said firmly, "We do this every night. Come." The stallion stared at Chris for a moment and then it walked over to the door of the stall, letting Chris clip on the leadrope even though the horse was obviously nervous. "Good boy," Chris said more quietly, reaching up to brush the horse's forelock aside and rub its forehead for a long moment as the stallion slowly relaxed.

Chris stopped petting him once he was sure Demon was calm and turned to go, saying firmly, "Walk." Chris led him out of the stall then and to the open gate at the back, leading the stallion out into the darkness where JC couldn't see them.

JC bit his lip and stopped scratching Pepper as he watched the door, listening closely for any indication of how things were going while the colt leaned against him, content just to stand there. When JC felt a gust of warm breath against the side of his neck a moment later he was so surprised he yelped, and Kayla jumped back to stand near the back of her stall, wide-eyed and trembling. JC turned his back to the door and the colt, putting a hand to his chest as he said, "Oh God, you scared me." Kayla's ears flicked back and forth nervously and JC spoke more softly, holding a hand out to her. "It's okay. I won't hurt you, sweetie, you just surprised me, that's all. Why don't you let me pet you so I can say I'm sorry for scaring you, okay?"

The mare watched him, obviously unsure, but when JC stepped towards her she didn't try to move away again. JC moved slowly and was soon petting her shoulder, smiling when Pepper nudged him and asked for attention too. "You're a little jealous pest, did you know that, Pepper?" The colt ignored him, instead shouldering in between JC and Kayla, and JC chuckled softly, keeping one hand on the mare's neck as he began petting the colt with the other.

"You're really good with them," Chris said suddenly a moment later, making JC and Kayla both look quickly towards him to see Chris was leaning on the door, grinning.

JC blushed. "Thank you. When I visited my uncle's horse farm as a kid he used to tell me that horses can tell how much I like them, that's why they like me. His horses are the only real experience I have beyond a few visits to a barn that gave riding lessons, but I really love being around them." JC looked back at Kayla, reaching out to stroke her face as he added, "I was thirteen when he died and his wife sold all of his horses. She wanted to move to New York."

"That sucks," Chris said, "but it happens pretty often. I have a few I bought in dispersal sales like that." Chris watched JC petting the mare for another moment, smiling, and then he suddenly straightened up. "I gotta get that feed put up, it's looking like it's going to rain. Feel free to look around or pet the horses or whatever, with Demon outside they're all safe."

JC gave Kayla a final pat and turned to walk towards the door of the stall. "Would you like me to help you? I know I'm not as strong as you are, but I could still help carry."

Chris shook his head and gave him a grin as he opened the stall door to let JC out. "No, I'll get it, it's only a week's worth of feed. You could go in the tack room and get the CD player to put some music on though if you don't mind, I can't stand it when it's quiet."

JC's eyebrows went up as he walked out of the stall, asking, "Really?"

"Yeah," Chris replied, looking a little wry, then he latched the stall and turned to look at JC as he explained, "It's not as bad when there are other people around, but when it gets really quiet I think too much. I've been alone – single – for a few years now, since before I bought the place, and sometimes it gets to me." Chris suddenly turned to walk towards where his truck was backed up to the main door of the barn as he said, "And I can't believe I just told you that, you probably think I'm pretty pathetic, huh?"

"No," JC replied quickly, "I don't, really. I hate when it's quiet, I always get depressed. And I'm alone too, I have been since I tried to kill myself six months ago." JC bit his lip then because he hadn't meant to say that and watched as Chris turned to look at him.

"Why in the world would you do that?" Chris asked, obviously surprised and concerned.

JC shrugged slightly, his expression ashamed as he looked down at the ground and said quietly, "My boyfriend kicked me out, and I was so hung up on him that I didn't want to live without him, so I took a bunch of pills. It was really stupid, but at the time it seemed like the thing to do."

Chris walked over to JC, impulsively reaching out to tip JC’s chin up and make JC look at him. "It's never the right thing to do, JC, running out on your problems just makes them worse." JC just looked at him and Chris gave him a reassuring smile as he added, "And as long as you know it was stupid, then you learned something from it and you hopefully won't ever make the same mistake again."

"I won't, it would kill Justin," JC said softly after a moment. "He feels like it's his fault I'm like I am."

Chris let go of JC's chin and turned to continue towards his truck. "Why?"

JC followed him as he said, "Justin introduced me to Ryan and he's been beating himself up about it almost ever since."

"Did this Ryan guy treat you badly?" Chris asked as he reached his truck, and then hoisted a bag of feed to his shoulder with the ease of long practice.

"Well," JC said, thinking about how to answer that a moment as he watched Chris walk to a nearby door to open it and flip on a switch, revealing several feed bins and pallets of grain. "I guess it depends on what you mean by badly. He never hurt me really, but Ryan is a very controlling type of guy. I guess the worst part was that he didn't like me hanging out with anyone unless he was there too, so after I moved in with him I started spending a lot of time alone. I hated it – if I _never_ have to be alone in a house again, it'll be too soon – and Justin knew it and made sure that Ryan knew it too, but Ryan wanted me to be alone so I was."

JC shrugged and was about to say something else when Chris started back out of the feed room and said, "Sounds like this Ryan was an asshole."

JC smiled wryly. "That's Justin's favorite word for him, yeah, only Justin usually adds 'manipulative'."

"You don't seem like the type to fall for a guy like that," Chris said as he reached the truck and grabbed another bag. "Why did you love him enough to die for him?"

JC looked surprised because nobody had ever asked him that before, not even Justin or Lance, and he thought about it a moment before he said slowly, "Well, I don't know _why_ , not really. Why did you love Howie?"

Chris laughed. "I never loved Howie, not like you mean, I was just with him. We were sharing an apartment and we like a lot of the same things and, well, it was easy to be with him." Chris dropped the second bag of feed on the first and then walked back out to stand next to JC, smiling at him. "Did you date often before you met Ryan?"

JC shook his head, still looking slightly surprised. "Just a few times, after high school. Nothing serious though."

"And did you figure out you loved him before or after you two got serious?" Chris asked.

"I—" JC started, then looked thoughtful a moment before he tried again. "It was after. We had been seeing each other a few months by then. He said he loved me before that, though."

Chris nodded and turned to go get another bag of feed. "Of course he did."

JC watched Chris carry that bag of feed into the feed room and dump it into one of the bins before he said, "You don't think he really loved me, do you?"

Chris put the now empty feed bag in another feed sack by the door and then started towards JC and the truck. "I'm sure he liked being with you, JC, and I don't know how he could help but love you. I have to agree with Justin though, I think the guy was an asshole."

"Why?" JC asked, his expression serious and thoughtful.

Chris paused to look at him, another bag of feed on his shoulder, then turned to carry the bag of feed to put it away. "Well, to start with he didn't trust you and he used your feelings for him against you to keep you locked away in a lonely house all the time even though he knew you hated it. That's just plain wrong, and proves he didn't love you enough and you deserved better. I mean, if you _really_ love someone you want them to be happy more than anything, so you'd never ask them to do something they don't want to do."

Chris glanced towards JC then and saw the odd look on JC's face, the fleeting thought crossing his mind that JC looked like he was in shock. Chris dumped the bag of feed in the bin and tossed aside the sack before he walked quickly back over to JC, looking a little worried. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to upset y—"

JC cut him off. "Chris, no, it's okay. You just— Wow." JC was silent a moment, searching Chris' eyes for something as he tried to get his thoughts in some semblance of order, then he said, "You're _right_. I ruined my life – nearly _ended_ it – for a man who didn't even love me. Ryan _is_ an asshole."

Chris suddenly grinned and reached out to put a hand on JC's shoulder, giving it a squeeze before letting his hand drop. "Good for you! Recognizing that he's the one that was wrong and that and you deserve better is the first step towards getting over somebody like that."

JC gave him another smile, then said, "You sound like you know from personal experience."

Chris chuckled wryly, nodding. "Yep, I think it's a law, everyone has to have one bad experience before they can find the person they should have been with all along."

"With a few notable exceptions," JC said with a sudden grin, "like Justin, the lucky brat."

Chris laughed and JC watched him get another bag of feed and carry it all the way to the feed room before he noticed how quiet it was and suddenly asked, "Where's that CD player I was supposed to set up?"

"Tack room, last door on this side of the barn before you get to the aisle," Chris replied immediately, looking over his shoulder to give JC a quick grin. "And you pick the music."

JC returned the grin. "Thanks." He turned to get his CD case off the carrot bin and headed for the tack room, already trying to decide what to listen to.

JC had no clue as he walked down the aisle towards the tack room that he had just done anything special, but if his 'shrink' had seen him during the last two hours she undoubtedly would have been cheering him on. For the first time he was doing what she, and to a lesser extent Lance and Alex, had been trying to get him to do for months. He was taking the chance and opening up to people, actually living life instead of hiding himself away in his music and books and letting the world go on without him.

JC had always done his best to put whatever his shrink said out of his mind as soon as he left her office though, so he didn't dwell even for a moment on why he had just told Chris more about his relationship with Ryan than he had ever told anyone else. He just wondered what sort of music would be good to listen to while they watched the mare.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

~ ~ 4 ~ ~

 

JC walked into the tack room a few moments later and easily found the portable stereo on a shelf straight across from the door, along with a box of batteries. He opened his CD case and rested it on the edge of the shelf, flipping through it slowly and still trying to decide what to listen to.

Chris had said _anything_ , sure, but JC had over fifty different albums to choose from, everything from Boy George to NoFX, so there was a lot of 'anything' to choose from. He immediately dismissed India Arie's debut album because he had listened to her on the flight, trying to calm down because he hated flying. After that he had talked to Lance a bit and got into a bad mood, so he had listened to Papa Roach and AC/DC because he felt like just losing himself in the beat. Right now he was feeling pretty good though, so he decided that all of his heavy metal collection was definitely out and flipped past them.

JC continued through his collection for several minutes before he finally grinned, pulling a bright orange disc out of its sleeve to put it into the portable stereo. He zipped the folder of CDs closed again before he checked the volume, pushing random and then play, grinning again as he heard _'You're An Original'_ start playing quietly. He picked up the little stereo then and started out of the room only to run into Chris, who was carrying the cooler of food into the tack room just as JC tried to go out.

Chris laughed and reached out with his free hand to put a hand on JC's waist to steady him as he stumbled. "Careful, man, don't drop the tunes. I was beginning to wonder if you got lost."

JC shook his head, giving Chris a quick smile as he shifted his grip on the handle of the stereo. "I won't drop it. And I wasn't lost, it just took me a few minutes to pick a CD to listen to."

Chris had been trying to place the quiet music playing while JC spoke, then he suddenly grinned again. "Dude, that's Sheryl!"

"Yeah," JC said, returning the grin. "Her newest one, but if you have it I can change discs, I don't mind."

"Naw man, don't do that, I _love_ Sheryl," Chris replied immediately, grinning. "You wanna get comfortable in the stall next to Lacy's while I check on her? Might be a long wait."

JC nodded, smiling. "Sure, whatever."

Chris nodded. "Good." He walked out of the tack room, leading JC across the rear aisle to one of the stalls at the back of the barn as he pointed to the next one on the left and said, "Lacy's in there, but I've got a good place to watch her from set up in here."

Chris opened the door to the dimly lit stall and let JC walk in ahead of him as he pointed to a stack of hay bales. "Just climb up there and get comfortable while I go check on Lacy again. You'll be able to watch me from up there, but I won't be long." The hay was stacked a bit more than waist high at the lowest point along the left wall and filled more than half of the stall with a couple of horse blankets thrown on the bales near the back of the left side.

"No hurry," JC answered quickly, giving Chris a smile as the older man set the cooler on the floor by the stall door. "I'll be fine."

Chris returned the smile and then left the stall, and JC looked critically at the piled bales before he decided it would be easiest to climb on top of them against the left wall. He moved over there and leaned up to put the little stereo and his CDs far enough from the edge of the bales that they wouldn't fall off, then the door in the next stall opened and he paused to look over the half-wall. JC smiled and watched as Chris walked in the stall and moved straight to the tall, nearly white mare that was standing in the corner closest to JC, almost disappearing from view behind the big mare when he got close to her. He listened as Chris talked softly to Lacy for a moment, then watched Chris lead her into the middle of the stall where the light was brighter to begin running his hands over her belly.

JC took the opportunity to look the mare over, admiring her markings now that he could see she was a very pale palomino with a rather scraggly white mane and tail and a big white blanket that covered her from the shoulders back and looked almost like lace around the edges. JC assumed that the look of her blanket was where Lacy had gotten her name, and he admired the mare a moment longer before he turned to scramble up on the hay bales. He picked up the CD player and his CDs and moved over to the horse blankets to spread one of them out and sit down on it, grateful for something between him and the prickly hay.

JC looked towards Chris and the mare again then to see that Lacy was standing quietly with her head half-lowered, looking tired while Chris stroked his hand slowly over the top of her rump towards her tail. Chris moved to her shoulder a moment later though, facing towards Lacy's head as he stroked her neck and spoke too softly for JC to make out the words above the soft music coming from the CD player. JC found himself looking more at Chris than at Lacy within a few moments, his gaze slowly roaming down over Chris' muscular shoulders and back to dwell on his ass and thighs, which were set off perfectly by Chris' slightly bent posture. Lacy shifted then and Chris moved to follow her, his snug jeans leaving nothing to the imagination, and JC just stared until he suddenly realized what he was doing.

JC blushed and took his gaze off of Chris' body to watch his face instead, or what he could see of it at least, and when he saw the fond smile on Chris' face his curiosity about what Chris was telling the mare began to grow. JC was just about to turn the music down so he could hear him when Chris straightened and patted Lacy’s shoulder, then walked out of the stall. JC looked towards the door to the stall he was sitting in and then smiled at Chris when he walked in a moment later, giving JC a grin.

Chris walked quickly to the hay, putting one hand on the wall as he easily climbed up on the bales, then he walked over to sit next to JC on the blanket, bumping his shoulder against JC's with a big grin as he said softly, "Won't be long."

JC's eyes widened and he looked quickly at the mare, surprised to find she was looking at them. "Are you sure?"

Chris grinned and nodded. "Yep. Lacy was just waiting to hear me in the barn again, I think. She's a smart mare, and knows that when I come out after feeding time it's to stay for a while. You can't tell from here, but she's sweating because she's already in labor."

JC just stared at the mare, momentarily speechless, then he asked, "Will you have to help her?"

Chris shook his head. "I doubt it. I'll go in the stall after her water breaks because she's made it plain she wants me around, but mostly I'll just let her do her thing."

JC looked at Chris then, his eyes still a little wide. "Do the other mares usually need help?"

"Not really," Chris replied, giving JC a grin. "Easy foaling is something I've looked for in my breeding stock, and something I breed for, so they don't have trouble very often. Sometimes a mare will need a little help with her first because she doesn't know what's going on, but Lacy's done this before and knows the deal." He gestured towards the mare, who was standing with her head lowered again, looking like she was asleep. "She knows there's no reason to get all nervous and upset like some do, she's just going to stand there and wait."

JC looked at the mare for a long moment, thinking, then looked back at Chris. "What if she does have trouble, what then?"

"Then I help her," Chris replied immediately. "When I first decided that I might want to breed horses I decided I needed to know as much as possible about them before I bought my first mare. I took a job at a big Arabian farm a few months later and worked there all the way through two foaling and breeding seasons, learning everything I could about breeding horses. Arabians are more prone to having trouble foaling than most horses, so I saw just about everything that can go wrong from twins that were tangled up to foals that were turned wrong and a whole slew of other things I won't bore you with." Chris grinned. "I moved to California and started college on the money I saved while I was working in Arizona, and I worked my way through school as an assistant to a track vet at Santa Anita. In all the time I've owned the ranch I've only called the vet out here once for an emergency call, and by the time he got here I had already figured out what was wrong and the mare was on her feet again."

JC looked thoughtful, watching the mare as he said, "Living this far out it's good that you know, I guess. It's not like the vet is just down the road."

Chris nodded and watched JC's face as he said, "Yeah, I've had to do a lot of things for myself because it's so far to a vet. I have a pharmacy in my office in the house that'd rival most doctors, plus a complete vet kit here in the barn. I can put in stitches and take care of most injuries, even a broken leg, and I know enough to know when I have to put one down." Chris looked away then, his eyes on the mare as he said quietly, "That's the hardest part about raising horses. You're responsible for them and their lives, and you have to be able to end it when that's what's best for them. It's hard as _hell_ to put one down, but it's worse to watch them suffer."

JC looked at Chris then as he said softly, "I don't know how you could stand to do that."

Chris looked back at JC quickly, shrugging slightly. "You just have to. Once you've watched a horse suffer because you didn't have the balls to shoot it when you should have, it's much easier to make the decision the next time. My first stallion got out in a storm and tore himself up pretty bad on some rocks up the mountain from here, and he died hard because I couldn't make myself kill him. Remembering how he suffered made it much easier to go get my rifle the next time one was too far gone to save."

JC looked sad as he asked quietly, "Does that happen often?"

"No, thank God," Chris said. "I've only had to put two down in the five years I've been up here, so I've been really lucky."

"You've had this place five years?" JC asked, surprised as he remembered Chris had said he had been alone since just before he bought the place. It seemed almost beyond belief to him that Chris – that _anyone_ as great as Chris seemed to be – had been alone since even before JC met Ryan.

Chris nodded, smiling suddenly. "Yeah, five years of workin' my ass off keeping the trails clear and guidin' dudes, then shoveling horse shit in my free time 'cause I'm too cheap to pay somebody to do it for me." JC couldn't help but return the smile as Chris added, "I wouldn't give it up for all the money and cushy desk jobs in the world, though. I love it out here."

JC nodded and was about to say something when a slight noise from the stall drew his attention, and his eyes went wide as he saw that the mare had turned around and laid down, her head towards them.

Chris followed JC's gaze and then grinned, leaning closer to JC as he said quietly, "Told you it wouldn't be long. We'll have a foal here in just a bit."

JC gave him a quick smile and then looked back over at Lacy just as she rolled, then watched as she stood up again to pace around the stall with her head down, pausing occasionally to kick at her belly or paw the ground.

 

* * *

 

In just under an hour Chris was kneeling in the straw near Lacy's back legs, rubbing a thick brown towel briskly over a small buckskin foal while JC watched raptly from the next stall. JC was still sitting on the hay bales, but he had moved over to the wall between the two stalls to get a better view. He was smiling as he watched Chris run his hands over the foal's forelegs and fold them so that they braced its body and it was easier for the foal to hold its head and neck up. JC had never seen anything to match what had happened in the stall in the last half an hour and was sure he'd never forget it.

Chris looked up suddenly a moment later and gave JC a happy grin. "C'mon in here and meet the baby, Jayce, I know you want to."

JC sat up straighter with a grin, his eyes shining with anticipation. "Are you sure Lacy won't mind?"

"Nah, Lacy loves people, I told you," Chris replied immediately, glancing up again as he lifted one hand and made a 'come here' motion. "Get your butt in here and I'll show you how to help me imprint the baby."

JC grinned and turned away from watching the mare and foal to scramble down off the hay, and a moment later he was at the open door of Lacy's stall, where he stopped. Lacy had shifted to lay on her chest with her head turned towards Chris, and after a moment the mare nickered softly, stretching her head towards Chris and the foal.

Chris grinned and said, "That's right Lacy, this one's yours. You don't have to try and steal anybody else's baby anymore."

"She tried to steal another foal?" JC asked, surprised.

Chris looked over his shoulder at JC, grinning as he nodded. "She sure did, almost managed it too!" Chris paused a heartbeat, then asked, "I thought you were going to come help me?"

JC nodded and Chris began drying the foal again as JC stepped into the stall, pulling the door shut behind him before he walked slowly towards Chris, freezing when Lacy turned her head to look at him. "Easy girl, I just want to see your pretty baby."

Chris looked up from rubbing the foal to say, "It's okay, JC, she's just curious."

"If you're sure," JC said, watching the mare as he continued over to join Chris by the foal, which had lifted its head and was watching him. JC smiled as he knelt next to the foal so that it was between him and Chris, watching Chris rub the towel over its brightly spotted blanket while the foal watched them both, occasionally tossing its head slightly. JC offered the foal his hand after a minute or two as he said softly, "She's beautiful."

"He," Chris said, grinning at him and watching as the foal tried to nibble JC's fingers. " _He's_ beautiful, and exactly what I hoped for. This little guy's got a good chance of growing up to be my next herd sire if he has his momma’s temperament."

JC looked up at Chris in surprise, letting the colt mouth his fingers as he asked, "What about Demon?"

"He's got a home here just as long as he'll put up with me," Chris answered immediately, "but I need a stallion I can trust to use with outside mares. There's a dozen ranchers around here who like my stock and would pay good money to breed to a stallion like this little guy ought to be, papered or not." Chris grinned back down at the foal and ruffled its skimpy black mane as he added, "He couldn't be any closer to what I wanted if I had special ordered him."

JC chuckled and was about to say something when Lacy suddenly lunged to her feet, making him flinch away before Chris reached over the foal to put a hand on his arm and said, "Easy, she's not going to bother you, she just wants to see her baby."

JC looked quickly at Chris and then watched as Lacy turned and walked over to them, nickering softly to her colt again. The little colt answered her this time with a tiny little rumbly noise as he craned its head around towards the mare, trying to reach her with his muzzle as the mare began to lick at his hip to dry him off. The colt stared at her a moment and then suddenly lurched, trying to stand up as Chris grinned.

Chris reached out to pat Lacy's neck and then stood, offering JC his hand. "She's gonna make him get up now, you might want to get out of the way."

JC accepted the hand up quickly and then followed Chris about five feet away from the mare and foal before they both turned to watch the colt try and struggle to his feet. "Shouldn't we help him?" JC asked the third time the colt fell back to the straw, looking curiously at Chris, who was still grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

"Nope," Chris said immediately, "not unless he isn't on his feet in another," he glanced down at his watch, "twenty minutes." He paused a second as they both watched the colt lunge forward to get both back feet under him, then Chris added, "This little guy'll be up though, I have no doubt."

JC looked back over at Lacy and her colt, watching them a moment before he asked, "What are you going to call him?" JC watched the colt try to stand again as he waited for Chris to answer, and he laughed in delight when the colt stood on wobbly legs that looked much too long for its small body.

Chris grinned at JC's obvious enthusiasm, and then looked at the colt again. "He'll name himself before long, I'm sure."

JC tore his eyes away from the colt then long enough to grin at Chris. "Name himself?"

"Yeah," Chris replied, still grinning. "He'll do somethin' or I'll hear a song and it'll fit him or something like that. I don't name foals after their parents like a lot of breeders do, I'd rather the name fit the foal."

"You name your foals from songs?" JC asked as he looked back at the colt, who was trying to walk and mostly just succeeding in making his already shaky stance even shakier.

"Sometimes," Chris replied, then he laughed as the foal picked up one of its back feet and lost its balance, collapsing to the straw. "His older sister was the same color as a butterscotch cake Brit happened to make the day she was born, and 'Scotch' stuck."

JC was quiet as he watched the colt try to stand again, smiling when it made it to its feet much faster this time. "He learns pretty fast," JC said a moment later, watching as the colt stumbled towards Lacy, who stood very still and let the colt run into her forelegs, where he leaned a moment to catch his balance before he started nosing her side.

"Yeah, he's quick," Chris agreed, grinning. "It's always a good sign when one is standing and walking so quickly without any help."

JC gave Chris a grin then. "I thought you don't help them."

Chris looked just a tiny bit sheepish. "Well, if they don't manage after the first few tries, I've been known to help a bit."

JC just grinned and looked at Lacy and the colt again, watching a moment as the colt tried to nurse before he looked back at Chris. "What's imprinting?"

"That's what we have to do once he's got a full belly," Chris replied with a bright grin. "Imprinting is something you have to do in the first few hours and then again sometime in the first day or so. You rub the foal all over and get it used to being touched and handled, put a halter on and off of it a few times and rub a leadrope over it, things like that. It makes the babies much easier to handle later when they're old enough to really work with them."

"Is that why Pepper is so friendly?" JC asked, looking at Chris.

"Not the only reason, but definitely one of them," Chris replied, nodding. "I didn't want him to get a wild start like his daddy so I spent a few hours imprinting him before I left him alone with Kayla for the rest of the night. I did it again in the morning and then played with him again several times that day and the day after, and he was so good that I've just let him be a baby since then. Pepper's pretty smart and definitely remembers all the handling he had, and he isn't afraid of anything as far as I've seen which always makes training a baby easier. He's old enough for me to start working on halter breaking him right now, but I've been so busy I haven't had time."

JC didn't know what to say to that so he was quiet, watching the little buckskin colt nurse while Lacy continued to lick the colt dry, occasionally nickering softly to him and completely ignoring the two men who stood nearby watching her and her foal.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

~ ~ 5 ~ ~

 

It was well after midnight when JC and Chris finally walked back up to the house, leaving Lacy and her colt to themselves for the night. JC wasn't at all sleepy yet but he didn't feel like it was right for him to keep Chris awake, especially after he caught Chris yawning while they ate the sandwiches they'd brought to the barn and watched Lacy's colt explore his stall. JC knew Chris was a busy man, he _had_ to be if he was taking care of all those horses by himself, so when Chris suggested they head back up to the house JC had agreed immediately.

JC remembered to grab his CDs when they left the barn and within half an hour he'd had a quick shower and was in bed, wearing only an old pair of sweats as he listened to _'Mystic Morning'_ by Ken Bonfield on his Walkman. Justin had bought him the CD along with two others by the same artist while visiting an aunt in Boston who had dragged Lance and Justin out to a little local music festival. Justin hadn't liked Bonfield's music but he had recognized it as something JC would probably enjoy so he'd bought all three of the man's albums. Justin was right, JC loved the way the acoustic guitar blended seamlessly with bass and cello and occasionally flute or harmonica into mellow, soothing music that always helped him empty his mind and calm down when he couldn't sleep.

Tonight was no exception, and before the end of the fourth song JC was sound asleep even though he had forgotten to turn off the overhead light, his last conscious thought to wonder if Chris slept with a stereo on.

 

* * *

 

Chris was on his way to bed after doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen when he saw that JC's light was still on and glanced at his watch, surprised to see it was nearly two am. Chris paused at JC's door a second and then knocked quietly, intending to tell JC he was welcome to roam the house and make himself at home if he couldn't sleep. When there was no answer Chris knocked again, then waited a minute before he slowly eased the door open to look inside. Chris smiled when he saw JC curled up on his side in bed with a pair of earphones holding his damp, slightly curly hair back from his face and a pillow clasped tightly in his arms like a teddy bear. Chris watched him sleep for a moment before he turned off the light and headed to his own room to get ready for bed, trying not to think about how much he liked his guest.

Chris had been pretty much alone for years, ever since he and Howie parted ways when Chris finished out his associate degree in business and left college, and he had made it a point not to get involved with guests at the ranch, even the ones Howie sent up just to meet him. Howie had come up to stay with him a few times and had accused Chris of being a hermit quite often in the last few years, but he knew Chris hated being alone so he kept trying to find someone who would interest him. Chris wasn't a hermit, not really, he just didn't want to fall in love with anyone. He had done that once before and really didn't want to go through it again, _especially_ not with a guest who would just disappear from his life again.

 _'He's not_ ** _part_** _of your life dumbass, so he can't disappear from it,'_ Chris thought, mentally slapping himself. Just because JC seemed to be everything he had always wanted in a man didn't mean it was a good idea for him to get attached.

In a week JC would be gone and Chris would never see him again. Getting close to him would obviously be the height of stupidity, and Chris prided himself on not being a stupid man. He sat on the edge of his bed then, turning on his stereo before he began to take his boots off and concentrating on the music, doing his best to push away the mental image of JC curled up in Chris' bed instead of the one in the room next door.

 

* * *

 

It was well after one o'clock the next afternoon when absolute silence woke JC up and he began feeling across his bed, trying to find his earphones. JC heard a familiar chuckle then and opened his eyes with a slow yawn to see Justin kneeling next to his bed watching him.

"I knew that takin' your tunes would wake you up," Justin said softly, reaching out to ruffle JC's hair as he smiled at his best friend. "You've slept half the day away, Josh. Time to get up."

"What're you doing here?" JC asked sleepily, stretching slowly as he blinked away after-images of the vivid dream he had been having. He was absurdly glad his sweats were loose and hoping that Justin wouldn't say anything if he noticed JC was filling them out a bit more than normal. Explaining just why he was so completely aroused would be difficult to say the least. Who he was dreaming about surely would be the first question, and it would be very embarrassing to admit that he had known Chris only a day and was already dreaming about doing _that_ to him.

"Came to wake you up and see if you wanted to go for a ride," Justin replied, still smiling as he watched JC run one hand through his tangled hair, obviously waking up more by the moment. "Kirkpatrick's been in the barn since daybreak according to Brit, and when she told Alex and Lance that he was going for a ride they went out and talked him into letting them go too. Nick and I are gonna hang out here and watch a basketball game, but I thought you'd like to go and Kirkpatrick said you were welcome to if you wanted, so here I am."

JC gave Justin a smile and nodded, all trace of sleepiness leaving his eyes as he sat up quickly. "Yeah, I do want to go, thanks!"

Justin grinned and stood up, watching JC scramble off the bed and grab a pair of boxers out of one of his bags as he said, "No problem Josh." JC headed into the bathroom then but Justin went on, sure that JC could hear him through the half-open door. "They're gonna leave from the barn in about twenty minutes. Brit said I was to tell you she's making lunch now and already has a water bottle for you, ready to go."

Justin picked up the smaller of JC's two bags and put it on the bed to dig around in it until he found a pair of old faded jeans and a grey t-shirt, then he sat down on the bed to wait for JC, grinning and wondering if maybe all JC had needed was just to get away from home for a while. JC was obviously happy and even _excited_ for the first time that Justin could remember since long before his relationship with Ryan ended.

JC came back out of the bathroom a few moments later in his boxers, brushing his hair and yanking the tangles free more roughly than most would have as he walked back towards the bed. "Would you get my boots too, J? They're in my other suitcase."

Justin nodded and hopped up off the bed. "Sure." He moved over to where JC had put his suitcase and opened it up.

The only dance club in the little town where they were from in Tennessee was a country bar, and even though JC and Justin had resisted being 'country' in most ways they had both enjoyed dancing there, so they had both owned boots and several western shirts when they headed west to college. Justin had outgrown his boots a long time ago and they had both given the shirts away – Lance had a few of them – but JC still had his beat-up old pair of low heeled lace-up ropers.

Justin stood up as soon as he had the suitcase zipped shut again and walked back over to the bed, plopping down on it and laying JC's boots on the bed in front of him as he watched JC tuck his t-shirt into his jeans. Justin's eyes took in the way JC's t-shirt, one that Justin could well remember used to be tight, hung loosely on him, and then as JC buttoned his jeans Justin said quietly, "You gotta eat more, Josh."

JC sighed and looked up, giving Justin a wry look as he reached for the belt he'd left on his bedside table. "I know. I'm trying Justin, really I am, it's just gonna take time."

"Did you eat supper last night?" Justin asked, watching JC thread the belt through the loops on his jeans.

"Yes, and then we had a couple of sandwiches around midnight," JC replied, giving Justin a quick smile. "Brit makes the best brisket ever."

"We?" Justin asked, his eyebrows going up.

JC nodded and buckled his belt, then got a pair of socks out of the bag on the bed before he sat down to put them on. "Chris and I took a snack with us when we went out to the barn after supper to sit with one of his mares." JC looked up quickly then, giving Justin a bright grin as he reached for one of his boots and added, "Lacy had a beautiful little colt, it was so amazing! You should have been there, Justin."

Justin grinned at JC's happiness and watched him pull the boot on and methodically tighten the laces. "So you had a good evening?"

JC nodded enthusiastically, still grinning as he reached for the other boot and began putting it on. "Oh yeah, it was great! Lacy's such a pretty thing and _so_ sweet, and Chris says her colt might be his next herd sire. He's exactly what Chris was hoping for, all golden with a white blanket and black spots and white markings on his little feet and his face, and he's almost as friendly as Pepper is."

"Who's Pepper?" Justin asked, grinning at JC's enthusiasm and wondering if there were any horse farms near their house back home in California. If being around horses made JC this happy, then Justin figured JC needed to be around them a whole lot more often.

JC grinned and jumped off the bed, his boots making his footsteps loud in the quiet room as he walked over to his suitcase and dug out a thick button-down denim shirt that he was glad Lance had packed even though JC hadn't worn it in years. "Pepper's one of the babies, the littlest black leopard." JC shrugged into the shirt as he explained, "A leopard is one of the ones that looks like a dalmation, and the ones with white on the tops of their butts have a 'blanket'. The white spots some of them have are called 'snowflakes'."

"Sounds like you and Kirkpatrick must have spent a lot of time talking last night," Justin said then, grinning as he watched JC roll up the sleeves on his shirt to just above the elbow. "You do anything I should know about?"

JC blushed slightly as he said with only a little exasperation, "Chris is real nice, but we just talked about the _horses,_ Justin." JC finished rolling up his sleeves, then gave Justin another bright grin, trying to ignore his fading blush as he said, "C'mon, let's go, I want to see which horse Chris is going to let me ride."

Justin grinned and stood to follow JC out of the room, his basketball game almost forgotten as he wondered if JC even realized that he was acting like a completely different person than he had only twenty-four hours before. _This_ was the JC that Justin grew up with and had grown to love, the bright, animated man with a seemingly endless supply of patience and a heart of gold. The old JC had slowly but surely begun to disappear the day they moved to California, and Justin had often wondered how things would have been different if they had stayed in Tennessee when Justin started college instead of moving out west. He never would have met Lance, true, but a tiny corner of his heart couldn't help but wonder if maybe JC would have realized Justin loved him a lot more than Ryan did.

Justin pushed that thought out of his mind and started down the stairs, knowing it wouldn't do anyone any good. Justin had Lance now and loved him more than anyone in the world except JC, and he was happy with Lance and determined to help JC be happy again too, no matter what he had to do.

 

* * *

 

JC was in a hurry on his way downstairs and quickly outdistanced Justin as he headed straight for the kitchen, grinning again when he heard Brit's voice say, "Joey, get out of that! If you want some brisket get some out of the fridge and slice it yourself, this is for their lunch!" JC walked into the kitchen in time to see Brit swat at Joey with a dishtowel as she said, "I mean it, Joe!"

Joey grinned and moved out of range, munching happily on a slice of cold brisket as Britney looked up to see JC walk in. "Good morning, JC," Brit said brightly, grinning at JC as she lifted her left hand and showed him the ring there. "I was right! Get in here and find yourself something to eat."

JC grinned crossed the kitchen to where Britney was building sandwiches. "Yes ma'am." He quickly stole a small slice of brisket as he added "Congratulations." He looked towards Joey then, still grinning. "Hi, I'm JC. You've got yourself a great girl here, she's a terrific cook."

JC took a bite of brisket as Joey grinned and swallowed, then Joey offered JC his hand. "I'm Joe. Nice to meet you."

Justin walked into the room as JC shook Joey's hand, and watched as JC quickly swallowed his own mouthful, then grinned at Joey and replied, "Nice to meet you, too."

"Chris is out in the barn getting the horses ready," Britney said then, making Justin grin as JC turned back towards her, obviously interested as he popped the rest of the piece of meat he had stolen into his mouth and licked the barbeque sauce off his fingers. "You need to eat before you go out though, Chris said you missed breakfast."

JC grinned and gestured towards the sandwiches Britney was making as he swallowed and then said, "I'll eat with the others while we're gone."

Britney snorted and offered him the sandwich she had just made. "Eat something now, JC. By the time y'all get up to where Chris usually stops for lunch you'll have drunk your water and not be hungry again." JC opened his mouth to say something then and Brit said, "Don't argue with me, just eat the sandwich! It's good."

JC gave her a wry look and took the sandwich. "Yes ma'am."

Brit grinned and patted his arm. "That's better." She turned back to making more sandwiches as JC leaned against the counter to eat his sandwich and listen while Joey and Justin started discussing the basketball game.

By the time JC finished his sandwich, Joey and Justin had already disappeared into the den to watch the game and Britney was packing up the lunch she had made into two sets of insulated saddlebags. JC watched her work as he asked, "Anything I can do to help?"

Brit looked up, smiling, then looked back down at the bag she was working on. "You sure can, you can carry this and those water bottles in the sink on your way out. If Chris asks you can tell him I'll be right out with the rest of it, okay?"

"Sure, no problem," JC replied, moving to the sink to get the water, only a little surprised to see they were sports bottles with carry straps instead of canteens. He quickly ducked into the straps so that they wouldn't slip off his shoulder, then he turned back to Britney and let her drape the saddlebag over his arm.

"Thanks, JC. Enjoy your ride," Britney said, giving him a bright grin.

JC nodded, returning the grin. "I will, I'm sure." She turned back to the counter to finish what she was doing, so he went out the kitchen door and started walking towards the barn, immediately noticing that Chris had moved his truck. When JC reached the open barn doors he stopped, grinning, and looked down the aisle to where Chris was critically watching Lance and Alex as they brushed two horses standing tied to the outside of Demon's stall, which was empty. Lance's horse was fidgeting slightly as he brushed it and he kept rattling it's leadrope and talking firmly to it in an attempt to settle it down while Alex's sorrel and white horse dozed, ignoring everything that was going on around it.

JC moved to join Chris after only a moment, missing the surprised looks he got from Alex and Lance as he stopped next to Chris, grinning. "Morning."

Chris returned the grin, reaching to take the saddlebags from JC and hanging them on the door of the closest stall as he said, "No man, _afternoon_ , morning's long over. You slept half the day way!"

"You should have told me when you got up, Chris," JC replied, still grinning as he shrugged out of the straps of all but one of the water bottles. "I could have helped you with the horses this morning."

"You needed the sleep, Jayce, we were up late," Chris said, taking the water bottles JC offered him and setting them on the ground against the wall. "You going with us or just playin' packmule for Brit?"

Lance kept brushing the big bay roan gelding Chris had told him to ride, watching over the horse's back as JC grinned at Chris. Lance could hardly believe the difference in JC, who was acting almost like the man Lance met two years ago instead of the depressed, withdrawn person JC had been for so long, and Lance found himself wondering just what had happened the evening before.

"Of course I'm going!" JC replied immediately, enthusiasm making his blue eyes sparkle. "I haven't been riding in _years_ , I'm not about to miss the chance now."

Chris chuckled. "Good! Which horse do you want to ride?"

Lance's eyebrows went up at that – _he_ didn't get to choose his mount! – but JC just grinned at Chris as he asked, "What are my choices?"

"Well, Kayla could use some exercise so you could ride her, and Pepper would love the excuse to explore," Chris replied, grinning at the way JC's face lit up.

"Can I really?!" JC asked, beaming and clapping his hands together like a schoolgirl, which made Chris laugh.

"Yeah really, Jayce. You think you can catch her, or do you want me to help?" Chris asked.

"I can get them," JC replied immediately, beaming like Chris had just offered him a million dollars. "I just need a leadrope, right?"

Chris nodded. "In the tack room. When you bring them in, come through one of the stalls so the others won't follow you."

JC nodded. "Okay, thanks."

Lance watched as JC walked quickly over to the tack room, emerging after only a moment with a thick black cotton leadrope to walk to a blue bin by the main door of the barn and take out a couple of carrots before he left. Lance looked at Chris then and asked, "You really think he can catch one by himself?"

Chris' eyebrows went up. "Of course I do, Jayce is great with horses."

Lance still looked skeptical. "I know my way around a horse, but you didn't have me catch my own."

"That's because I haven't seen you handle one of mine yet," Chris replied immediately, "and you're a stranger to them all, too. Jayce spent hours out here with me last night, playing with Kayla and keeping me company until one of my mares foaled, and then he helped me imprint the new baby. He may not know a lot about horses, but Jayce is a natural with them. I'd trust him to handle anything on the place except Demon."

Lance just looked at Chris a moment, his lack of belief obvious. "A natural."

Chris nodded impatiently, wondering why Lance seemed to think JC was helpless or maybe stupid when he was quite sure JC was neither one. "Yes, a _natural_ , horses like him and he's obviously crazy about them too." Chris gestured towards the gelding Lance was going to ride then, asking, "You through grooming Danny yet?"

Lance started brushing the horse again. "Not quite."

"I'm done I think," Alex said then, and Chris walked over to check over his gelding before he gave Alex a grin.

"Good job, I told you it was like ridin' a bike," Chris said, patting the horse's shoulder. "You think you can saddle him too?"

Alex nodded. "Sure, just point me towards his stuff."

Chris grinned and pointed towards the tack room, and then Alex started walking in the direction he'd pointed. "You want the tack on the stand that says 'Hank'."

Alex was just returning from the tack room with a saddle, bridle and blanket a couple of minutes later when Chris heard the door to a stall open and turned to look towards it. Chris grinned then, absurdly pleased that JC had caught Kayla so quickly _and_ brought her in through her own stall without any problems at all. Chris moved out of Alex's way to let him tack up his horse and watched as JC talked softly to Kayla and Pepper, turning the mare so he could close the outer door of the stall before he went to the inside door and gave Chris a grin over it.

"Did good, Jayce," Chris said, returning the grin. "It takes me longer than that to catch her sometimes."

"Piece of cake," JC replied, his grin widening at the praise. "Or maybe I should say it was a piece of carrot." Chris laughed as JC pulled half a carrot out of his pocket and fed it to Kayla, then asked, "Should I brush her in her stall or out there?"

Chris bent to get the grooming kit Alex had used on Hank, then walked towards Kayla's stall as he said, "We'll go ahead and do it in there, that'll keep Pepper out of trouble."

Lance's eyebrows went up again and he stopped brushing Danny to watch as Chris joined JC in the stall with the mare and foal, and after a moment he looked at Alex and said softly, "He didn't even offer to help us."

Alex turned away from cinching up Hank's saddle to give Lance a quirky grin. "You jealous?"

Lance rolled his eyes. " _No_ , just trying to figure Kirkpatrick out."

"Don't bother," Alex replied, turning back at the saddle to feed the tie-strap through the cinch again. "JC's happy, that's what matters, right?"

Lance looked over at the stall where JC was brushing one side of the mare while Chris did the other side and they talked quietly to each other, then Lance looked back at Alex and nodded. "You're right, I guess."

"'Course I am, Bass, I'm _always_ right," Alex replied, looking over his shoulder at Lance to smirk at him before looking back at the leather strap in his hand as he tied it firmly in place, securing the cinch.

Alex wasn't about to say it in front of Lance, but he thought a lot of JC's problems were because everyone _expected_ JC to have problems. Every time JC turned around Lance or Justin was right there taking care of him, and if they couldn't be there then they made sure __someone__ else was. JC hated to be alone for long, Alex knew that, but there was a difference between JC being afraid to be alone in a house overnight and Justin refusing to leave JC alone long enough to go to the corner store and get some milk. Alex thought Justin and Lance, well-meaning though they were, were just making JC more dependent on them by being there for him _all_ the time, and he was glad to see JC pull away from them and show some spunk of his own.

JC was a grown man and older than Lance or Justin, and Alex thought it was about time someone treated him like an adult.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

~ ~ 6 ~ ~

 

About an hour later, Lance and Alex were riding down the trail behind Chris and JC at an easy walk.

Lance had spent the ride so far intently watching JC, and he was still watching them. JC and Chris were laughing at something Pepper had done, and Lance was wondering yet again what had happened between them the night before. Lance hadn't seen JC this animated in a year at least, even when he was with Justin who tried constantly to cheer him up. Chris wasn't even _trying_ to cheer JC up, just talking about the horses and the trail and whatever came up in the conversation, and JC was acting like it was the most fun he'd ever had. Lance couldn't help but think it was too good to be true so he kept watching JC, frowning and waiting for JC to come crashing down.

"Quit it, Scoop," Alex said quietly, and then he snorted at Lance's surprised look. He guided his horse closer to Lance's as he added softly, "Let him enjoy himself."

"I don't mind that he's having fun," Lance answered quickly, keeping his voice low enough that JC couldn't hear him.

"Then stop frowning at him," Alex replied with a smile, reaching over to poke Lance in the ribs. "Loosen up, we're on vacation."

Lance gave Alex a wry smile, and then looked ahead of him at JC, his frown returning as he watched JC lean sideways in his saddle to tickle Pepper's ears as the colt pranced along next to his mother. Lance watched JC _giggle_ – there was no other word for it, he sounded like a twelve year old girl – when Pepper tossed his head and took off up the trail, then Lance glanced at Chris to see what he thought of JC's teasing the colt. Lance's eyes widened when they met Chris' and he flushed slightly, wondering how long Chris had been watching him watch JC. It was starting to unnerve Lance when Chris watched him because Chris' brown eyes seemed to see right through whatever Lance was saying to what he _meant_.

Chris saw the sudden blush when Lance realized he's been caught staring at JC and his eyes narrowed slightly as he turned to face forward again and watch Pepper canter up the trail with his little bottlebrush tail in the air. Chris didn't like the way Lance kept watching JC and frowning, and Lance's questions and comments while Chris helped JC saddle Kayla had given Chris the feeling Lance expected JC to mess up any minute, which quite simply pissed Chris off. He'd spent enough time talking to JC the night before to know that JC wasn't stupid or an invalid, and Chris didn't think he needed a keeper. JC was a smart man who – in Chris' opinion anyway – had more aptitude for handling a horse than either Lance or Alex even though JC hadn't ridden as much as either of them.

Alex wasn't great with a horse, but he was in no danger of falling off and he had no problem getting Hank to do what he wanted him to do without making Hank a bundle of nerves. Alex was Chris' favorite type of dude, someone who was smart and knew a little about horses and was easy to get along with, and Chris was quickly growing to like him.

Lance also knew what to do on a horse, but unlike Alex he consciously thought about what he wanted the horse to do and then _made_ his horse do it. Lance had fought with Danny the first ten minutes of the ride, trying to collect the big gelding and make him move like Lance was used to horses moving, and Chris had to tell him three times to relax and let Danny do his job before Lance finally stopped doing it. That had pissed Chris off at least as much as Lance's little comments about or to JC, and if it hadn't been for the fact JC wanted to go up the mountain Chris would have just let Lance and Alex ride around the pasture and called it a day. Chris had noticed how Alex tried to distract Lance from JC a few times, so when they rode out Chris encouraged JC to ride with him so that Alex would be back with Lance, hoping Alex would continue to run interference.

JC was a natural with horses just like Chris had told Lance, and Chris was still half amazed every time he looked at JC and saw how well he sat on a horse, especially considering that JC had told him he hadn't ridden outside an arena in over ten years. JC didn't order his horse around like most dudes, he just thought where he wanted to go and automatically shifted his body the right way to get Kayla to _want_ to do what he wanted. Kayla definitely liked JC's style and was walking along with her head up and her ears pricked, looking almost as happy as the man riding her instead of just following the other horses and ignoring her surroundings like she usually did.

Chris had never seen anyone get along with Kayla so well, and was beginning to think that maybe the little mare hadn't been quite as happy as a dude horse as he thought. Kayla never argued with her rider even when they were wrong – it was one of the few things about her Chris didn't like – but she had never seemed to enjoy trails either, at least not until now.

"Penny for your thoughts," JC said quietly, making Chris look over at him quickly to see JC's smiling face.

"Nothin' important, Jayce," Chris replied, returning the smile. "Why do you ask?"

JC glanced forward and shifted in the saddle slightly, causing Kayla to move closer to Chris' gelding to avoid a patch of gravel in the trail, then JC looked at Chris again. "You got quiet all of a sudden, I wondered if I'd done something wrong."

Chris shook his head, smiling. "Nah, you didn't do anything, I was just thinkin' about how happy Kayla seems to be today. She usually doesn't like trail rides this much."

JC looked down at the mare in surprise, and then looked back at Chris. "How does she usually act?"

"Like Hank," Chris answered, grinning as JC twisted around to look at Alex's sorrel, who was as close to asleep as he could get and still be walking.

Alex grinned at JC and pretended to go to sleep too, making JC laugh as he turned to look back at Chris. "You're kidding, right? Hank's about to fall asleep!"

"Nope, she usually acts just like that," Chris said, chuckling. "That's why Kayla's such a good trail horse for little kids, I can put 'em on her back and she'll follow the horse in front of her all day."

"Maybe that's it," Lance said suddenly, making JC and Chris both turn their heads to look at him. "Maybe she's acting different because there isn't a horse in front of her."

Chris looked thoughtful a second, then looked at Kayla and said, "Could be I guess, I don't think I've ever had her at the front of a group ride before."

"Why not let Lance and Alex go on ahead for a bit to see if that's it?" JC asked, his curiosity getting the better of him as he wondered why Kayla was acting differently than she usually did.

Chris looked up at JC, and then shrugged. "Sure, why not. We're almost halfway to the clearing where we'll eat lunch, and there's nothing between here and there that they can't handle." Chris looked over his shoulder at Lance and Alex again and waved them forward, saying, "Go ahead guys," as he reined his blue roan gelding, Cory, to the side of the trail.

JC guided Kayla over to the other side of the trail and watched Alex and Lance pass, then grinned at Pepper as the colt trotted towards them past Hank and Danny, kicking at Hank without the older horse even seeming to notice. "Pepper, behave," JC said, nudging Kayla forward again with his heels as the colt whirled around to fall into step next to his mother.

Chris grinned and reined Cory over next to Kayla again, about five feet behind Hank and Danny. "He's not gonna listen to you, Jayce. He's too full of piss and vinegar."

JC grinned at Chris. "I know, but I feel like I should at least try."

Chris chuckled. "You ain't got a prayer, Jayce. Pepper's been gettin' in trouble since the day he was born."

JC chuckled and watched as Pepper started walking closer and closer to Hank, obviously curious about Alex's leg. Chris watched JC ride with a grin, not at all surprised that Kayla seemed just as happy now as she had before, unlike his own horse, Cory, who liked to lead and wasn't happy with Danny walking in front of him.

Chris spoke up after about five minutes of watching Kayla and JC, who both seemed to be enjoying watching Pepper walk along next to Hank playing with Alex's jeans. "It wasn't that she was in the lead, she's just as happy now. I think Kayla just likes you, Jayce." JC looked quickly at Chris then and Chris grinned at him, adding, "It's the only thing different from when Brit took her out a few days ago."

Lance looked over his shoulder at them, then looked forward again. "Why would she like JC? He's hardly even ridden before!"

Chris gave Lance's back a dirty look as he replied, "Kayla's really taken to Jayce."

"We could switch," JC said suddenly, making Alex and Lance look back at him as Chris looked at JC in surprise.

"I thought you wanted to ride Kayla?" Chris asked.

JC nodded quickly and said, "Oh I do! I just thought that would be the way to tell."

Chris looked at JC, thinking, and Lance said patiently, "JC, you couldn't switch with anyone but Alex, you couldn't ride my horse or Chris'."

JC frowned at Lance. "Their names are Danny and Cory. And yes I could, but I don't think _you_ should ride Kayla, you'd push her around too much. She's not like Danny, he'll fight back."

Lance snorted and was about to say something when Chris said, "Pull up." Alex and Lance both stopped, turning their horses towards JC and Chris as Chris looked at Alex and asked, "Do you mind switching with JC?"

Alex shrugged, giving Chris an easygoing grin. "It don't bother me man, I just wanna ride."

Chris looked at JC and gave him a smile as he said, "It's up to you then, Jayce."

JC bit his lip, stroking Kayla's neck for a moment, and then he nodded. "Okay," he said, then looked at Alex. "But if Kayla doesn't like it we'll switch back, okay?"

"Sure," Alex replied, nodding.

"Jayce, don't worry," Chris said with a grin. "I'll stay by her, okay?"

JC nodded and dropped the reins on Kayla's neck, dismounting easily and then holding her reins while Alex slid off of Hank and led him closer, then they switched horses and JC made Hank step back before he turned to watch Alex, absently petting Hank. Kayla's ears went back as soon as Alex moved to climb on but she didn't do anything to protest, standing quietly until Alex was mounted.

"Go ahead and get on Hank," Alex said with a grin, "he's easy to handle."

JC gave Kayla a long look and turned to Hank, moving to his side to put his foot in the stirrup and swing up easily as Chris said, "It's good for you to get used to ridin' the other horses anyway, Jayce. That way you can help me exercise them this week if you want to."

JC gave Chris a quick smile and nodded. "I definitely want to, Chris. I love to ride."

Chris grinned and gestured towards the trail. "Then ride, man. We got over a mile left to go before we get to the meadow where we're eatin' lunch."

JC gave Chris a grin and turned Hank around to start him up the trail at a fast walk, and the others moved to join him as Pepper fell in behind his mother, the novelty of trotting ahead having worn off. They all walked along the trail for a few minutes, Alex and Chris slowly falling further behind as JC told Lance about seeing Lacy foal and then imprinting her colt. JC was so excited about seeing the foal born and helping with something as important as imprinting that he didn't really notice the look on Lance's face, which was somewhat dubious to say the least.

Alex watched Kayla as he rode, mostly letting her pick her own path and trusting her to stay with the others, and was just thinking that even he could see she wasn't happy when Chris said quietly, "I knew it was because Jayce was ridin' her."

Alex looked over at Chris with a grin. "She usually picky?"

Chris grinned and shook his head. "Nah, but she's usually half-asleep while she's being ridden, like Hank."

Alex looked down at the mare's ears, noticing that they were still laid back. "She ain't sleepin' now, looks more like she's mad to me."

Chris chuckled, nodding. "She _does_ look pissed."

Alex grinned at Chris and looked ahead of him to where JC was riding along on Hank, who was mostly asleep again, then Alex turned back to Chris. “Well, we know who has the touch, huh?"

"Yep," Chris replied, grinning as JC turned to look back at Kayla, then Chris raised his voice slightly and said, "She'll be fine until we get to the meadow, Jayce. Quit worrying about her."

JC gave him a rueful grin and nodded, and then he looked back forward to watch the trail ahead of them, missing the speculative look Lance gave Kayla.

Lance knew enough about horses to see that Kayla was obviously not as happy as she had been when JC was riding her, but Lance couldn't figure out why. Alex was letting the mare set the pace and just sitting on her back the same way JC had been doing, so Lance couldn't think of a single reason for the mare to be as annoyed as she was. Lance looked at JC and Hank then, critically watching how JC rode and trying to figure out what he was doing differently. JC wasn't keeping his heels down like he was supposed to, or holding on with his legs right, and his back was—

"What?!" JC exclaimed suddenly, his exasperated tone making Lance jerk his gaze up to meet JC's in surprise. "Am I doing something wrong?"

"I—" Lance started, then paused before he went on. "I don't know, that's why I was watching you. Whatever you're doing, Kayla liked it so I was trying to figure it out."

Chris snorted. "Kayla likes _him,_ Bass, not how he rides."

Lance looked thoughtful a second as his gaze roamed JC's body, again noting all the things JC was doing 'wrong', then he said almost to himself, "Must be all the carrots he's fed her."

JC gave Lance a hurt look. "Gee, thanks." He kicked Hank hard, startling the sleepy gelding into a canter that quickly left the others behind.

Chris urged Cory up next to Danny then and glared at Lance as he said, "If you don't stop treating him like crap I'm gonna kick your ass, I don't care if you _are_ a guest. He's been through hell and you damn sure aren't helping." Chris snorted and added, "Ain't no wonder he didn't want to be around you yesterday, I'd avoid you too." He heeled Cory into a fast jog up the trail after JC without waiting for a reply.

Lance watched them go as Alex moved up to ride next to him, and then he looked at Alex. "Have I been treating him that badly?"

Alex laughed. "Lance, man, you've been treating him like he's _five years old_ and needs a fucking _keeper_. He _doesn't_ , he's perfectly capable of getting along without you watching over him every second. He _is_ good with the horses, and even I can see he's better with them than you are." Lance's eyebrows went up and he was about to reply when Alex pointed at Lance's horse and said, "Look at your own horse if you don't believe me, Danny's just as pissed as Kayla is. Face it, we're _not_ horsemen, Bass, we're just a couple of guys who like to ride. Like Chris said, JC's got the touch with them, and he was proud of that until you started tearing him down. JC doesn't have a whole lot to be proud of anymore, so quit trying to burst his bubble, okay?"

Lance frowned, looking at Danny's pinned ears and then at Kayla before he looked at Alex again. "Have I really been treating him so badly? I just want to help."

Alex sighed, fighting the urge to yell at Lance and trying to be patient. "I _know_ you don't mean to, Lance, you just, you've been protecting him too long." Lance looked surprised and Alex nodded. "Yeah, I know he's been fucked up man, anyone who's been around him in the last six months knows that, but look at him _now_. He's a grown man and he doesn't need you to watch over him all the time, not here at least. JC is getting along just fine with Chris and with the horses and he's enjoying himself, so leave him alone."

"But it's for his own goo—" Lance started, but Alex cut him off as he finally lost patience with Lance.

"No, what's 'for his own good' is for you to quit acting like you're his _mother_ and leave him alone!" Alex exclaimed. " _He_ _does not need your help_. Right now he doesn't _want_ you to help him either, and I don't really blame him, you're being an ass." Alex kicked Kayla then and the mare jumped forward to take off down the trail at a canter with Pepper at her heels.

Lance jerked on the reins when Danny tried to speed up to follow Kayla, making the surprised gelding stop in the trail and back up a few steps before Lance eased off and nudged him forward with his heels, frowning and deep in thought as he held the gelding down to a slow walk. Justin had asked him to ease off of JC too, now that he thought about it, and hinted several times over the last few weeks that Lance needed to let him handle JC. Justin and JC got along much better than Lance and JC did, they always had, but recently JC had either been quiet and subdued around Lance or arguing with him. They hadn't had a normal conversation in a long time, Lance suddenly realized, it was always him telling JC what he _had_ to do and JC either passively doing it or fighting with him.

Lance rode along in silence for several minutes, remembering all the times during the last few months that JC had needed a reminder to shave or to bathe. Justin had often persuaded JC out of bed to take care of himself before Lance had a chance to _make_ JC do it, but either way, JC seldom made any effort to take care of himself unless they told him to. It got on Lance's nerves sometimes that JC didn't really seem like he wanted to get better, and Lance was finally realizing he'd taken that out on JC by doing just like Alex said he was and ordering him around like a child. Or like a very controlling boyfriend might have.

Lance closed his eyes, letting Danny walk along without guidance for a moment as he thought, ' _God, I'm no better than Ryan._ ' Lance opened his eyes again and looked straight ahead, not really seeing where he was going. _'I've been controlling him the same damn way without even noticing it, and Justin let me do it.'_

Lance thought back over the conversation they had been having just before JC took off then, and remembered that he had said the only reason Kayla could prefer JC was in effect because JC bribed her to.

"Fuck," Lance said aloud, closing his eyes again as he remembered the hurt look on JC's face and finally realized that what he'd said was very similar to some of the things JC had told Justin that Ryan used to say. Ryan had told JC over and over again that people only wanted to be with him because of the money his grandmother left him, or that they wanted him for his body, or to get close to Justin, or a hundred other things that ruined JC's self-image, and Lance had just as much as said he agreed.

Lance opened his eyes suddenly and gave Danny his head, letting the gelding pick up speed. He had a lot to make up for if JC would let him, and he intended to start by apologizing to JC for being such an ass.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

~ ~ 7 ~ ~

 

JC let Hank run for about five minutes and then pulled the gelding to a walk again, leaning forward to stroke his neck by way of apology for making him run. JC stopped petting him after only a moment and turned to look behind him as he realized he could hear rapid hoofbeats getting closer. Chris rounded a curve in the trail a moment later, looking pissed enough that JC flinched and looked forward again, his head drooping as he waited for Chris to come yell at him.

Chris slowed Cory to walk next to Hank, taking in the slump of JC's shoulders and how unhappy JC looked before he asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

JC looked at Chris, surprised. "Aren't you going to yell at me for running off?"

Chris shook his head. "No, actually I'm surprised you didn't run farther. Why do you let him treat you like that, Jayce?"

JC shrugged and looked down at where his hands rested on the saddle in front of him. "Lance is, well, he—" JC broke off, looking sad, then tried again. "He doesn't _mean_ to make me feel bad, it's just lately I think he's gotten kind of tired of me being around."

"So why didn't he stay up in his cabin today?" Chris asked, watching JC's face. "It'd be easy for him to avoid you if he wanted to."

JC lifted his gaze to look straight ahead. "I don't know. I guess he feels like he has to take care of me."

Chris looked at JC for a long moment, and then asked gently, "Do _you_ think you need someone to take care of you?"

JC turned his head towards Chris in surprise. "I— I guess. Sometimes. Well, okay, maybe a lot of the time." JC looked at Chris for a long moment, then added softly, "But not here."

Chris cocked his head to the side a bit and asked just as quietly, "Why not here, Jayce?"

JC opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and looked at the trail ahead of them as he shrugged. "I just don't."

Chris was quiet a moment, watching JC look down the trail, and then he heard hooves and looked behind them to see Kayla jogging up the trail, Pepper at her heels. "Where's Lance?" Chris asked, frowning slightly at Alex.

"Who cares?" Alex replied as he made Kayla fall into step next to Cory. "He'll be along, don't worry, he just needed a few minutes alone."

JC looked across Cory's neck at Alex and asked, "Is he mad at me?"

Chris looked at JC, surprised, as Alex shook his head and said, "If anyone around here is mad, it should be _you_."

JC looked surprised. " _Me_?! Why would I be mad?"

Alex snorted. "Gee, Josh, I don't know, maybe because Lance's been acting like an asshole for the last hour?"

"Alex, you _know_ he doesn't mean it," JC replied, frowning.

Alex rolled his eyes and nodded. "I know, but just because he's too damn dense to know he did it _doesn't_ mean he has a right to treat you like that. Lance has been bitchy all afternoon, and you shoulda told him to fuck off."

"But— I can't—" JC started, then paused and started over. "He would _never_ hurt me on purpose, Alex. Lance isn't like that."

Alex looked at JC for a minute, and then sighed. "Josh, man, you have _got_ to learn not to take shit off of people just because you love them. People take _advantage_ of you."

JC knew that was true and didn't know what to say so he just looked down at Hank's neck, pretending the sorrel's scraggly golden mane was fascinating.

"Maybe it's the people he loves that need to learn how to treat him," Chris said quietly after a long moment, more than a little surprised at himself for saying it aloud. Alex and JC both to looked at him in surprise and Chris met Alex's gaze instead of JC's, not sure what he'd see – or what JC would see – if he looked at JC just then.

Alex searched Chris' expression for a moment before he finally nodded. "That'd help, yeah."

JC wanted to ask how Chris thought he should be treated, but he couldn't make himself do it and silence fell over the three of them as they continued down the trail towards the meadow where they would eat lunch. None of the three heard the extra set of hoofbeats behind them as they reached the meadow a little while later, so when Lance spoke up they all turned to look at him in surprise.

"Josh?" Lance asked quietly, ignoring Alex and Chris. "Can I talk to you for a minute, alone?"

JC opened his mouth to speak but Chris beat him to it, saying, "You need to get off your horses first, give 'em a breather."

Chris didn't want Lance making JC run off alone again on horseback. There was too good a chance JC would take the trail further up the mountain and Chris hadn't been up it since the last rain so he wasn't sure it was safe. Of course, if they were on foot they weren't likely to get quite as far from Chris either, so there was a good chance he'd be able to see them while they talked. He wanted to, wanted to be able to step in if Lance started in on JC again, but he wasn't going to ask them to stay where he could watch them. They were both adults and Chris had no right to feel as protective towards JC as he did, so if JC wanted to go with Lance he had to let him.

JC looked at Chris, then at Lance. "We can go for a walk once the horses are taken care of."

Lance nodded. "Okay."

JC faced forward again, wondering why Lance wanted to talk alone as he looked across the meadow and saw three picnic tables with two long hitching posts like you'd see in an old western just beyond them. There were a few big old trees shading the picnic tables and one of the hitching racks, but the rest of the two-acre meadow was open and full of grass that was a bit more than knee-high to the horses.

Chris moved into the lead as they crossed the meadow, then dismounted near the picnic tables as he said, "You can leave them saddled, but the bridles come off and need hung on the saddle horn. Be sure you wrap the reins around the horn well enough that they won't come down."

JC got off of Hank and did as he'd been told, holding the gelding by his halter while Chris dug four leadropes out of the cantle bag on his saddle, then he watched as Chris clipped one to Cory's halter and dropped it. Cory immediately lowered his head and began to graze as Chris moved to hand Lance a lead, then gave one to JC and finally Alex before he said, "Clip them and lead them off a little ways from each other, then get your water bottle off the saddle and do just like I did so they can graze while we eat. Alex, grab the food off of Kayla before you turn her loose, okay?"

"Sure," Alex replied, then he led Kayla over to the closest picnic table to take off her saddle bags and JC's nearly empty water bottle and put them on the table before he led Kayla a short distance from the tables, also away from the three geldings. He dropped her leadrope then so she could graze and headed back to the tables to join Chris, who had already sat down and was watching JC and Lance walk away across the field.

Alex sat down across from Chris and watched him watching JC for a long moment before he said, "He'll be okay, Lance just needs to tell him he's sorry."

Chris looked at Alex, narrowing his eyes slightly at the way Alex smiled knowingly at him. Chris finally sighed and looked towards JC again as he asked softly, "Is it that obvious?"

Alex chuckled and shook his head as he opened the nearest saddlebag. "Not really, I just recognize the symptoms. JC is a really easy guy to care about."

"You...?" Chris trailed off, looking at Alex but not quite asking what he meant.

Alex met Chris’ gaze. "Josh is great, especially when he's feeling good like he was until Lance started tearing him down today. He's had a hard time the last couple of years, but the guy you saw in the barn today is the real Josh. He's fun and sweet and smart and so beautiful he'll take your breath away, but he's also fucked up. It's not his fault, but it's there and anyone who wants to get close to him will have to live with it."

Chris was quiet a moment, thinking as he watched Alex unpack their lunch, then he asked, "Could you tell me a little more about Ryan? Or do you know?"

"Oh, I know," Alex replied, nodding, "and I'll tell you some of it if you promise not to tell Josh who told you. He doesn't like to talk about it much, not since he tried—"

Alex broke off suddenly, looking down at the table as he had second thoughts about telling a stranger about JC's problems, and Chris finished quietly, "Since he tried to kill himself."

"Lance told you?" Alex asked as he looked back up, shrewd brown eyes watching Chris closely.

Chris shook his head. "No, Jayce did. He told me that this Ryan guy left him after four years, and that he tried to kill himself because he didn't think he could live without him."

"How did you get him to tell you about it?" Alex asked, surprised.

Chris shrugged. "I didn't do anything special. I mentioned that I keep the radio going when I'm in the barn so it's not so quiet, and JC said he does the same thing because he hates to be alone and does stupid things when he is. Then he told me he'd tried to kill himself and that it was stupid but at the time it had seemed like the thing to do. I asked him if Ryan treated him badly and he said that the guy didn't like him to be around other people, so JC had been alone most of the time he lived with the guy and he had hated it."

Alex looked floored as he said softly, "Wow." He looked at Chris a long moment before he finally went on in a more normal tone. "Josh doesn't talk about Ryan, not _ever_. He'll hardly say the guy's _name_ , even around people who know what kind of hell he's been through the last year or two."

"Why would he tell me then?" Chris asked, looking a little confused.

"I don't know," Alex replied, "but he must trust you a hell of a lot, man. He won't even talk to _me_ about Ryan, and I've known him longer than Lance has." Alex paused, taking a drink from the water bottle he had taken off JC's saddle, then he added, "Maybe knowing more will help you figure out why he trusts you."

Chris nodded and made an encouraging noise, watching Alex closely as Alex looked down at the table a long moment before he finally began to speak quietly.

"After he tried to kill himself, the rumor spread around campus like wildfire, and he was too embarrassed to go back to school. Justin dropped out of college to stay with him, even though Lance said that if anyone should drop out it should be him so Justin wouldn't lose his spot on the basketball team. Justin didn't listen, of course. Lance was sure it was because he wanted to be the one with Josh, but I think it was really because Justin was scared to death that Josh would try again. Justin knows as well as I do that Josh would never hurt himself with Justin in the house."

Alex fiddled with the strap on the sports bottle as he went on, not meeting Chris' gaze. "Justin's got the patience of a saint with Josh and has spent the last six months reading, in front of a TV, on the computer, or staring out a window with Josh never more than a yell away. Josh doesn't go outside, doesn't visit his friends, and hardly ever leaves his room unless Justin begs him to. He barely talked to anyone except for Justin and Lance until I dragged Nick into his room one day a few months ago and told him we weren't leaving until he talked to us. We started talking about music – Josh _loves_ music – and he tried ignoring us for a while, but eventually he joined in the conversation."

Alex paused to take another drink and then continued, looking up to meet Chris' gaze. "The change that came over him the longer he talked was pretty damn amazing, but we finally had to leave because Nick had to be at work. The next time we came to see Josh was about a week later, and he was just like he was the first time, all withdrawn and wary and not wanting to talk with us. We had to start all over again and practically force him to talk to us." Alex frowned, looking down at the table. "Me and Nick went to Lance and Justin's place to see him a couple afternoons a week after that – I went over more often, I only have school two days a week – and it was still over a month before he finally got so he'd talk to us without any coaxing. Nick and JC don't get on so great but he'll talk to Nick when he feels like it now, and he's even started talking about going out in their back yard recently, but he hadn't done it yet when we left."

Alex looked up at Chris suddenly, his intense brown eyes staring into Chris' as he said, "I'm not gonna beat around the bush, Josh really likes you and if you play your cards right you could probably have him in your bed by the end of the week, but if you _ever_ hurt him..."

Alex let his voice trail of meaningfully and Chris immediately shook his head. "Don't worry about that, Alex. I'm not going to start something either of us will regret. I'm glad he likes it here and that he feels like he can trust me, but I don't fuck around with paying guests, not ever."

Alex looked at him for another long moment and then nodded, giving Chris a smile. "Good."

 

* * *

 

Lance and JC walked slowly away from the others, both of them silent as they crossed the meadow, and they were already on the path that led further up the mountain when Lance finally said, "Josh, I'm sorry."

JC stopped and looked at him in surprise because he had expected he was about to get a lecture.

Lance stopped to face him, his green eyes full of unhappiness as he went on, "I've been treating you like crap, Josh, and I'm sorry. I just, I don't know, I guess I got used to watching over you and making you take care of yourself, and now I feel like I still have to even though you don't need it." Lance took a deep breath and went on more quietly, his green eyes shining as he said, "I'm so sorry for hurting you, and—"

JC interrupted him then, his voice strained and upset as he said, "Lance, stop, _please_. I know you didn't mean any of it, it's _okay_. I'm _fine_."

Lance shook his head. "No Josh, it's _not_ okay. You deserve better from me."

"It _is_ okay, Lance," JC insisted, his expression serious. "If anyone has the right to order me around, it's you."

" _Nobody_ has the right to order you around, Josh, _especially_ not when they make you feel bad doing it." Lance turned and started walking quickly up the trail again, trying to think as JC followed him. "I didn't even realize how what I said had hurt you until Chris and Alex tore into me after you ran off. They made me think, Josh, and I realized I've said and done a lot of things that I'm sorry for, like making you feel bad today."

JC started to interrupt him and Lance lifted a hand, cutting him off. "Let me finish, Josh, please?" JC sighed and nodded, then Lance went on. "I've been riding all my life, mostly with my aunt, and she made sure she drilled me on how I should do every little thing to the point I can ride in my sleep. She taught me how to hold my hands, how to sit, the right way to use my legs, _everything_ , but she couldn't teach me what you just _know_ , and I guess I was jealous of that."

"But you're so good with horses," JC said, frowning. "You know so much about them that I don't, Lance, why would you be jealous of _me_?"

Lance stopped walking, looking at JC. "I may know what a gaskin is, Josh, but that doesn't give me what you have. Chris is right, horses _like_ you and that's something I've never been able to say, not even when I was a little kid. _I_ had to bribe horses to get them to react to me the way Kayla reacts to you, and I always had to work hard at being a good horseman. To you it's just as natural as breathing, and that's a rare gift."

JC just stared, speechless, as Lance turned to start up the trail again, but after only a few steps JC hurried to catch up with him. "Is it really that unusual?"

Lance nodded immediately, looking at JC as he walked. "Yeah, it is, Josh. Horses can be picky about who they'll trust. _Chris_ is picky about who handles his horses, and he said he'd trust you with anything he owned except Demon."

"He said that?" JC asked, wide-eyed but suddenly smiling. "Really?"

"Yes, he did," Lance replied, "and he let you have a choice of what horse to ride today and let you go catch her, too. He didn't give me or Alex a choice, and he made us wait at the fence while he went and got our horses."

JC walked along next to Lance in silence for several minutes, smiling slightly, then asked, "What do you think of Chris?"

Lance looked at JC quickly, and then looked back at the trail in front of them. "Well, he's really good with horses, and he seems nice enough, I guess. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious," JC answered with a shrug that was just a little too nonchalant.

Lance stopped to look at JC then, smiling suddenly. "Does someone have a crush on the local punk horseman?"

JC blushed and said, "I just—" He broke off, unable to think of a thing to say.

Lance grinned and draped his arm around JC's shoulders, turning him to start back towards the meadow. "It's okay if you do, Josh. He has a really nice ass and you're allowed to get horny just like everyone else."

"I am _not_ horny!" JC exclaimed, his blush deepening.

Lance grinned. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" JC answered immediately, wide-eyed and scarlet.

"So you're saying you don't want him?" Lance asked, smirking.

"I, yeah, well, no, may— Aw hell." JC sighed, letting his shoulders slump under Lance's arm while Lance laughed.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

~ ~ 8 ~ ~

 

Chris sat across from Alex, eating his sandwich as he pretended to watch Pepper exploring the meadow and tried not to be obvious about the fact he was really watching the trail for JC and Lance to return. Chris was worried that Lance would say something else to hurt JC while they were off alone and that JC would just let him do it, and it was all he could do not to make an excuse to go looking for them.

Chris didn't really understand why he felt so protective of JC but he had finally admitted to himself – and to Alex too in a roundabout way – that he did, and that his feelings for JC were a little stronger than they should be. He'd meant what he told Alex though, he was determined not to mess around with a guest after five years of avoiding all the guys Howie sent up to try and fix him up. Chris looked down at his sandwich as he thought that JC wasn't sent up there to get laid, he was up there because he needed to get away, and he did _not_ need Chris falling in love with him.

' _Shit, I did _not_ ju_ _st think that?!_ ' Chris thought, followed by, ' _Get a _grip_ , _**__**_Kirkpatrick, you've only known him for a _day_._ **** __'

Chris began picking at the crust of his sandwich with a slight frown, thinking hard, but after a few minutes the sudden mental image of JC grinning at him over Kayla's back made him stifle a sigh. It was a bad idea, yeah, but he couldn't help it. JC was just too damn perfect for him to resist, and every time he saw JC smile he fell a little further.

Alex watched Chris not-eat, hiding a grin behind his second sandwich and wondering if Chris had any idea just how obvious it was that he had fallen for JC. Alex knew the signs pretty well – he had loved JC for a long time and would do anything for him – and knew from Howie that Chris was gay and lonely, so after seeing how happy JC was around him Alex figured it was pretty much inevitable Chris would fall for him. Alex was sure JC didn't realize Chris had been treating him like a friend instead of a guest, and he was just as sure JC felt something more than friendship for Chris. Alex had known JC for almost two years and he had _never_ seen JC brighten up so obviously for anyone else, not even Ryan.

A horse suddenly squealed, distracting Alex and making him look towards the sound in time to see Cory charge at Pepper, biting the colt on the hip and making him bolt. Kayla threw up her head and jumped to follow her colt, and the sudden movement made her leadrope flap against her back legs, spooking her into a gallop.

"Dammit!" Chris exclaimed, dropping his sandwich on the table as he jumped up and ran for the nearest horse.

Chris grabbed Danny's leadrope and jumped on the big roan gelding, kicking him forward without even bothering to find the second stirrup just as JC and Lance emerged from the path leading up the mountain. JC's eyes widened when he saw Pepper and Kayla running towards the trail he was standing on but he reacted quickly, putting out a hand to stop Lance as he said, "Don't let them by you!"

JC didn't wait for an answer, instead trotting quickly towards the mare and foal as he called, " _Whoa,_ Kayla! Pepper!"

Kayla swerved to avoid him but slowed down as Pepper went straight to JC and nearly knocked him down, shoving JC back a few steps as he automatically wrapped one arm around Pepper's neck to steady himself and the colt.

Lance saw Chris galloping towards them on Danny then and watched wide-eyed as Chris slowed the horse to a walk just by lifting the leadrope off Danny's neck, not pulling on the rope at all. Danny had his ears pinned but the big bay roan wasn't arguing with Chris at all, completely unlike how he had tossed his head and fidgeted for Lance. Lance took in how Chris controlled the gelding and finally realized that Danny was probably so hard for him to ride because the horse resented how Lance had been taught to keep constant light pressure on a horse's mouth. Lance wondered fleetingly what else he'd been doing wrong, and decided to see if Chris couldn't give him some pointers. Lance flushed slightly as he remembered that Chris had tried to tell him what he was doing wrong on the way there, but Lance hadn't wanted to listen, sure he could ride just fine without Chris' help.

Chris skirted widely around Kayla, who had stopped about thirty feet away from JC at the very edge of the trees and was fidgeting nervously while she watched everyone, not wanting to leave Pepper but still scared. "Jayce?" Chris asked quietly, "You think you can catch her? She's _not_ going to let me near her when she's like this, I know, and I don't want to run her down unless I have to."

JC looked from Kayla over to Chris, still holding onto the trembling colt. "I'm willing to try." JC bit his lip and looked at the mare, then looked back over at Chris and asked, "Do you need that leadrope?"

Chris shook his head, leaning forward to unclip it from Danny's halter. "What're you gonna use it for, Jayce?"

Chris tossed the rope to JC, who just barely caught it. "To keep Pepper from running off, hopefully. If he takes off I think Kayla will too, and he's scared to death." JC looped the rope around Pepper's neck without tying it, then looked at Chris and asked, "What scared them so bad?"

"Cory," Chris replied immediately, making a face. "Pepper was playing around near him and pissed him off, and when Cory went after Pepper it spooked Kayla."

JC looked back over at Kayla. "She looks like she's calming down a bit though." JC turned his head to smile at Chris. "Wish me luck."

Chris gave JC a quick, confident grin. "You got it, Jayce. If anyone can get near her right now, it's you."

JC returned the grin, absurdly proud of Chris' faith in him, then took a step towards Kayla, smiling when Pepper moved with him before he even pulled on the leadrope. "Good boy, Pepper, c'mon," JC said softly, then looked up at Kayla and began to slowly walk towards the mare with Pepper sticking close to his side. "It's okay, girl," JC said quietly, "nobody's going to hurt you. Easy Kayla, just let me come get you."

Kayla didn't recognize most of what he said, but her name and the words 'easy' and 'come' were familiar so she took a hesitant step towards him, her ears flickering nervously back and forth.

JC grinned, nodding as he continued slowly towards Kayla, now holding Pepper back a bit as the colt pulled towards his mother. "That's it, Kayla, come here. It's okay now, sweetie. I won't let Cory chase your baby."

Kayla fidgeted, pawing the ground slightly, then seemed to make a decision and walked slowly towards JC, who stopped to let her come. He caught her leadrope as soon as she was close enough and then let Pepper go to pet the mare, talking softly to her.

"And _that_ ," Chris said quietly, "is how you catch a horse." Lance looked at him quickly to find Chris watching him with that intense gaze that made Lance so uncomfortable, then Chris added more loudly, "Lunch is on the table, Jayce. Go ahead and bring her over there."

Lance watched as Chris nudged his heels against Danny's sides, guiding the gelding into a turn with a hand laid on the side of his neck. Lance walked quickly after them as he watched Chris ride over to where Cory was grazing and dismount to pick up Cory's leadrope, raising his eyebrows in surprise as Chris put the lead off of Cory on Danny and let Danny go. Chris took Cory's bridle off the saddle horn and put it back on him, then led the gelding by his reins to the hitching racks near the tables and tied him short. Chris turned to look towards JC then so Lance paused and looked at JC too to see what he was doing, and his eyes went wide at what he saw.

JC was sitting on Kayla's back as the mare walked slowly towards the picnic tables, Pepper at her side. JC hadn't put her bridle back on before he got on her back, just laid her leadrope over her neck and hopped on like Chris had done with Danny, and he was riding with his hands on his thighs, not even holding the leadrope. The mare was walking calmly, looking more relaxed already with her ears pricked up again.

Lance started walking quickly towards the picnic tables again then, and by the time JC reached them and dismounted he was close enough to hear Chris say, "You did perfect, Jayce. I wish I had you around all the time."

JC blushed, smiling. "Thank you. I just— All I did was just talk to her."

Chris grinned, nodding as he moved to pet the mare. "Yeah, and you caught her when she was scared, and then you calmed her down and got her mind off of it." Chris paused a moment, looking over Kayla's neck at JC, then asked, "How did you know she'd let you ride her without her bridle?"

JC shrugged, still blushing slightly as he handed Chris the second leadrope. "I didn't think she'd mind, I didn't really use the reins much when I rode her with the bridle anyway. She just seems to know what I want without me telling her."

Lance chuckled, shaking his head as he finally joined Alex at the table, then he sat down to eat.

Chris laid the extra leadrope over his shoulder, smiling at JC. "You were telling her what to do, Jayce, you just don't realize it. Every time you shift your weight or move your legs she can feel it."

JC looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yep," Chris replied, nodding. "Horses can feel every little move when someone is on their back, whether you lean forward or backwards or you just turn your head. Some are like Danny and you have to let them do their job without interfering with them, others are like Cory and Hank and are tolerant of just about anything, and then there are horses like Kayla. She's usually ridden by little kids and she's learned to ignore a lot of their moving around, but she's smart enough that she can be pretty responsive when she wants to be."

Chris smiled at JC, and then added, "She likes you, Jayce, so she pays attention to you and trusts you. I've owned her for almost two years and I _know_ I couldn't have walked up to her and caught her just now. I've gotten into the habit of keeping her in if I'm going to need her for dudes because sometimes she doesn't let me catch her even when she isn't spooked. She doesn't trust easy."

JC stroked the mare's neck, looking thoughtful. "I wonder why she picked me?"

"I think it's probably just that you're so careful with her, but I guess it could be that you might remind her of someone she trusted before I got her," Chris replied after a moment, moving away from the mare to sit down at the picnic table with his back towards Lance and Alex. "Other than my three mustangs, Kayla's the only horse I own that I have no clue of her pedigree or background, just what ranch she came off of and that her owner died in a car crash about six months before I got her. Y'see, a friend of mine works at a horse sale in Billings, and he saw her come in with a truckload of horses that were found on a ranch about a hundred miles from here when it was sold. He called me and told me I needed to be at the sale because some nice-looking apps that needed some groceries were going through. I drove down expecting to see a few scrub rejects from somebody's appy herd, and instead I found this little lady," Chris gestured towards Kayla, "mixed in with a herd of older ranch geldings."

Chris watched Pepper shove his head against JC's stomach to get come attention too as he went on, "She was so scared they couldn't get a halter on her before the sale and skinny enough that the meat packers didn't really want her, so I got her really cheap. I spent about four hours the next day trying to get a halter on her without success before I finally gave up and roped her, figuring I'd treat her like a mustang and lead her into the trailer like that. She was still scared to death when I caught her but she obviously knew what a rope was so I started petting her, and when she didn't fight me I haltered her. The moment I buckled the halter on her she calmed down, and within a just few minutes it was obvious she'd had quite a bit of handling. You might have noticed she's the only horse who wears a halter all the time besides Demon. That's because she goes nuts again every time I take it off, even if she's locked in her stall."

JC stroked Kayla's face with one hand, letting the other rest on Pepper's back as he thought about that. "Maybe wearing the halter makes her feel safe,” he said finally, looking at Chris. “She doesn't have to worry about being left to fend for herself or starve or anything as long as she has it on, and she knows what's expected of her."

Lance rolled his eyes, thinking that JC was definitely giving the mare too much credit – he was quite sure that horses didn't think things through like that – and took another bite of his sandwich.

Chris was surprised by what JC said but speculative too, wondering if it could be that simple.

JC waited for Chris to speak for a few moments and then asked, "Do you want me to tie her or just let her graze again?"

Chris looked at Kayla then, taking in how calm she looked, then smiled. "I think it'll be okay to let her go. Danny and Hank won't mess with Pepper no matter what he does to them, and I think he's learned his lesson about messing with Cory."

JC gave Chris a wry look and then looked back at Kayla, patting her shoulder before he dropped her leadrope and said softly, "Go eat, girl." JC stepped back towards the picnic table expecting to see her walk away, but Kayla made no attempt to leave, instead putting her head down to graze right were she was. JC watched her for a moment and then turned around and went to sit on the bench next to Chris, facing Lance and Alex as he asked, "Did y'all leave any for me?"

Chris swung around to sit facing the table as Alex laughed and offered JC a sandwich. "Of course we did, Josh. We don't want you to dry up and blow away."

Chris grinned and leaned closer to JC, elbowing him lightly. "The brisket's even _better_ today, Jayce."

JC returned the grin. "I know, I already had some."

Chris pretended to be shocked. "When? And why didn't _I_ get any?!"

"Brit made me eat a sandwich," JC replied, chuckling as he unwrapped his sandwich. "She said that I'd probably drink too much water on the way here, so I had to eat first or she wasn't gonna let me out of the house. She also said you'd had breakfast hours ago by then."

"Well, yeah," Chris conceded as he watched JC take a bite of his sandwich, "but still. Bacon and eggs at daybreak just does _not_ compare to Brit's brisket!"

JC chewed quickly and swallowed, then gave Chris a grin. "It's all your fault, you could have woke me up for breakfast and then Brit would've called us for lunch long before we were ready to go for a ride."

JC took another bite of his sandwich, watching as Chris reached for another and unwrapped it, then Chris grinned at him and said, "You ain't sleepin' in tomorrow, Jayce. If she's gonna spoil _anyone_ around here, then she can damn sure spoil me too."

JC chuckled, his blue eyes sparkling with laughter, then he noticed Lance watching him with a knowing grin and blushed even though he kept smiling as he continued eating.

 

* * *

 

A little over an hour later, JC was picking at the remains of his second sandwich and listening to Lance and Chris discuss when and how they would handle the camping trip when he felt something touch his back. JC turned his head towards Chris to look over his shoulder and found Kayla standing behind him, an almost pleading expression on her face as she nudged him again, and he had to smile.

"You could give her some bread if you want," Chris said with a grin. "She'll take it as long as there's no brisket on it."

"Really?!" JC asked, surprised, and then at Chris' nod JC quickly pulled the crust off of what was left of his sandwich. JC turned then to offer it to Kayla, who sniffed the bread and then took it, moving her head up and down as she chewed. JC laughed and then grinned happily at Chris. "She likes it!"

Chris returned the grin, his brown eyes sparkling. "Yeah, I figured she would."

Lance and Alex exchanged a quick look, both of them wondering if the other two realized how they lit up when they talked to each other just as they all heard a low rumble.

Chris looked up in surprise, scanning the sky to see a cloudbank moving in from the northeast. "Dammit, it wasn't supposed to storm until tonight!"

JC looked over at the cloud too, frowning at how dark it was. "Do you think we can make it back before it gets here?"

Chris started putting away the two leftover sandwiches and the trash on the table. "I wouldn't bet on it, nor'easters have a habit of coming in fast." He looked up at Alex and Lance then as he said, "You guys go get the bridles on your horses, okay? We need to get moving _now_ , the radio said this was supposed to be a bad one."

Alex and Lance both stood immediately to go after Hank and Danny, who had drifted most of the way down the field, and JC began to help Chris by putting the water bottles in the second set of bags. "Will the horses at the house be okay out in the rain until we get there?" JC asked, thinking of the foals that had been left out in the pasture.

"Brit and Joe will go put them up," Chris replied immediately, fastening the saddlebags he was holding. "And Demon has a shed he can go in if it hails before I can get there to put him in the barn. I'm more worried about us, and Pepper. We're gonna have to make a run for it, and he's tired from playing all day."

JC gave Chris a worried look and then looked over to where Pepper was laying sprawled in the grass about twenty feet away as Chris went on, "I think I'll send you three on ahead and ride Kayla back by myself. She won't like going down alone, but that'll give you a better chance of getting down to the barn before it gets bad."

JC was already shaking his head before Chris finished, and buckled the second set of saddle bags as he said, "No, don't do that, you take Alex and Lance back and I'll bring Kayla and Pepper down. You said she trusts me so she shouldn't mind going down alone with me, right?"

Chris frowned. "Jayce, a storm up here is nothing to mess with. You could get hurt, or the horses could, or dammit, _anything_ could happen. I'm _not_ leaving you to take them down alone."

"If it's that dangerous, then you shouldn't go back alone with her either," JC replied, looking Chris in the eye and ignoring the sound of hooves as Lance and Alex cantered up to them. "Send Lance and Alex home and we'll both take Kayla and Pepper down."

Chris looked at JC for a long moment, then turned to walk quickly towards Cory as he called, "Lance? I need you to switch with me and ride Cory down, he's better in a storm."

Lance swung out of Danny’s saddle and watched as JC turned to Kayla and tied the saddle bags on, then took her bridle off her saddle horn to put it back on her.

Chris led Cory over to the others. "Here, Bass, you and Alex need to go on ahead. JC and I are gonna have to go slower because of Pepper."

Lance turned to take Cory's reins and mount as he asked, "Why can't we all stay together? Riding in the rain won't hurt me and Alex any more than it'll hurt you."

Chris swung up on Danny as he said impatiently, "Don't argue with me dammit, just do it!" Chris saw Lance's jaw clench in annoyance and took a deep breath, then added in a more normal tone, "I don't want Hank and Cory out in a hailstorm any more than I want Kayla and Pepper out in one, or _you_ for that matter, but Pepper's gonna be tired long before we make it back to the house and slow us down. You two don't have to worry about that, Hank and Cory can take a run from here to the house with no problem."

Alex spoke up then, watching JC lead Kayla over to Pepper to wake the colt up. "Are you two going to be okay?"

"Yeah, we will," Chris replied, nodding as he watched JC. "We might get a little banged up if it hails, but hopefully we can get home before it gets bad. Pepper's a strong colt, he might surprise me and take the run down better than I expect..." Chris trailed off as JC climbed into Kayla's saddle, then JC turned the little mare to walk over to Danny. Chris looked at Lance and Alex and added, "When you get home, you need to be sure to walk Hank and Cory up and down in the barn until they're cooled out. They'll be pretty hot from the run and I don't want them to colic. If you're not sure about whether or not they're cooled out enough, ask Brit. Think you two can handle that?"

Lance and Alex both nodded, so Chris said, "Good, get going! Stay together and stick to the middle of the trail, we'll be along as quick as we can."

Alex turned Hank and kicked him into a gallop without another word as Lance looked at JC and said, "Be careful," then he turned Cory and urged him into a gallop after Hank.

Chris looked at JC. "Same thing goes for you, Jayce. Stay in the middle of the trail but don't run flat-out unless I say so, okay?" JC nodded quickly and then Chris went on, "You're going down first, and I'll follow with Danny to keep an eye on Pepper. We can do this, so don't worry, okay?"

JC nodded again and gave him a slightly shaky smile. "I'm not worried."

Chris gave him a quick grin and said, "Let's go, then. I'll set the pace we need and then drop back, okay?"

"Okay," JC replied, then followed as Chris started across the meadow at a steady canter. JC trusted Kayla to follow Danny as he watched to make sure Pepper was staying with them, and then when Chris dropped back he urged Kayla into the lead.

Chris watched Pepper critically as he followed JC and Kayla down the trail, glad to see the colt was running easily, and then he looked towards the northeast and suppressed a shudder. The heavy clouds looked bad, dark grey with streaks of ugly greenish black, and were already much closer than they had been when they heard the first thunder. Chris looked ahead again as the first gusts of the storm began to stir the nearby trees, watching Kayla, JC, and Pepper and praying that the hail and dangerously high winds that were forecasted weren't at the leading edge of the storm.

The only way they could get home before it caught them was to run the horses all the way, but that wasn't an option with Pepper along. It would take a miracle for a colt Pepper's age to make the two mile gallop after a long day of running and playing. Even at a canter Chris fully expected the colt to be exhausted by the time they got home. He just hoped the colt would make the run okay, and that the leading edge of the storm wasn't bad enough he had to choose whether to leave Pepper or to save the rest of them. He wasn't sure he could make JC _or_ Kayla leave the colt, or even if he could make himself do it.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

~ ~ 9 ~ ~

 

Even though Chris could barely see ten feet ahead of himself, he was feeling much better twenty minutes later as he watched Kayla cantering through the driving rain in front of him with Pepper at her side. Chris had been shivering for the last mile, his wet t-shirt offering absolutely no protection from the cutting wind and heavy rain as he concentrated on making Danny behave himself every time he spooked. Chris was very tired of Danny's acting up and beginning to seriously consider selling Danny to his buddy in Billings who wanted the gelding for his roping string, but he was finally thinking they just might all make it home in one piece. Cold and wet, yeah, and the horses would need attention, but at the pace they were going they'd all be safe in the barn in another five minutes.

Pepper had really surprised Chris on the run down, keeping up with Kayla much better than Chris had expected and hardly spooking at the storm or even the overflowing creek they had to cross. Kayla seemed more tired than Pepper, really, so Chris was thinking that it must be Demon's influence that let him keep up so well. That boded well for Chris' breeding program since endurance was one of the things he was trying to breed for, along with the intelligence and good temperament it was already obvious Pepper had. Chris was sure he would have a hard time choosing between Pepper and Lacy's new colt for his junior stallion, and he was glad he would have a year or two to decide which one to geld. If he had to make the decision right then, Chris would have probably chosen Pepper, but he couldn't decide whether it was because Pepper was the better of the two or if it was simply because he knew it would make JC happy. The colt was impressive on his own, yeah, but knowing that JC was crazy about the little guy and that Pepper seemed to like JC just as much was a big part of his appeal and Chris knew it.

Pepper wasn't the only one who had really impressed Chris in the last few hours though, JC had as well, not only with his riding ability but also by refusing to leave Kayla and Pepper behind. _'And you,_ ' a tiny corner of Chris' mind added. _'He said he didn't want to leave you, and you were glad even though it's dangerous for him because you want_ ** __** _him to stay with you, no matter what.'_

Chris pushed the thoughts away and huddled in the saddle, trying to think only about how cold he was and managing pretty well until he saw Kayla stumble a moment later. He watched wide-eyed as JC was thrown half out of the saddle, throwing Kayla even further off balance and making her drop to her knees even as Chris urged Danny forward. Kayla lurched back to her feet as JC slid the rest of the way off, landing hard just before Chris asked, "Jayce, you okay?!"

JC nodded, already running his hands over Kayla's neck to calm the trembling mare as he called over the rain, "Yeah, I'm fine, but Kayla's shaking."

Chris dismounted next to Kayla and JC, pulling Danny close and handing JC the gelding's reins. "Here, hold him, she might have hurt herself."

JC took the reins and watched Chris bend to look at the mare's front legs, then Chris moved to her right side to lift her hoof. "I felt something weird just before she tripped, like something grabbed her leg."

"That's because she ripped off one of her shoes," Chris said, carefully probing the mare's foot with his fingertips as he tried to judge how bad it was.

Chris usually made it a practice not to shoe his horses, but if she was being ridden daily Kayla needed them on her front feet or she wore her hooves down too quickly, making her footsore. Kayla had gone barefoot most of the spring and summer because she wasn't ridden often while she was heavy in foal, so it hadn't been long since she had been shod to start being seriously ridden again.

Chris found a split in Kayla's hoof after a moment, and felt of it carefully before he pulled his fingers away, then he cursed as he saw the smudge of blood on his palm and wondered where it came from, praying it wasn't from the split. She didn't act like she was in much pain, so there was a good chance she had just cut herself when she tripped. He hoped that was the case, because any split to her hoof deep enough to bleed would certainly mean not riding her for months. The saying 'no hoof, no horse' was no joke.

"Will she be okay?" JC asked quickly, worried.

"Yeah, I think so," Chris replied, lowering her hoof to the ground again and then standing up to look seriously at JC. "But you can't ride her the rest of the way down, her hoof is split. You'll have to ride Danny, but even with the way he's been acting up you can be home in just a few minutes if you give him his head. I'll walk Kayla and Pepper the rest of the way, it shouldn't take us long."

"We've already been through this," JC replied, shaking his head. "I'm not leaving you."

"Jayce, I—" Chris broke off and gave JC an exasperated look, then another rumble of thunder made Danny jump, jerking his reins through JC's unprepared hand as Chris quickly reached to grab the gelding's reins too. "Dammit Danny, _stand_!" Chris gave the reins a quick jerk and then looked at JC again as he made a decision. "Do you mind riding double? Danny's spooky as hell in a storm but he won't throw us, and if we both ride him we can get Kayla and Pepper home faster. We're not very far from the barn, if it weren't for the storm we could probably see the lights of the house from here."

JC shook his head quickly. "I don't mind at all."

Chris looked at JC for another moment and then took the leadrope off Kayla's saddle and handed it to JC. "Okay, lets get moving then. You take off Kayla's bridle while I get her saddle. The less weight she has to carry down, the happier I'll be."

JC was already moving to Kayla's head when Chris finished speaking, and Chris wrapped Danny's reins around his hand several times before he moved to unsaddle Kayla. Chris looked at JC as he lowered Kayla's saddle to the ground, then JC offered him Kayla's bridle, which Chris dropped carelessly on the saddle. "It'll be easier for me to control Danny if I'm in front, okay?"

"Sure," JC replied, nodding. "Whatever we need to do to get us all home safe."

Chris moved to Danny's side to mount then, scooting forward as far as he could in the saddle before he took one foot out of the stirrup and offered JC his hand with a sudden grin. "C'mon, Jayce. It won't be comfortable, but it beats the hell out of walking."

JC gave him a quick smile and put his foot in the stirrup, giving Chris his free hand and letting Chris help him into the saddle, blushing furiously as he realized he would have to stay pressed right up against Chris all the way down to the barn. Danny chose then to jump forward at another flash of lightning and Chris cursed, jerking the gelding's reins while JC instinctively wrapped an arm around Chris' waist to hold on. The first flash of lightning was almost immediately followed by a crash of thunder and another bright flare of light, making Danny fight Chris' control as JC concentrated on not letting go of Chris' waist or Kayla's lead rope.

Chris finally got Danny calmed down and put his hand on JC's where it rested against his stomach, looking over his shoulder at JC. "Ready to go?"

JC nodded, tightening his grip on Kayla's lead rope and trying not to think about how much he actually liked having Chris so close. "Whenever you are."

Chris flashed him another grin and gave JC's hand a squeeze as he said, "Hold on," then looked forward again and gave Danny his head without releasing JC's hand.

 

* * *

 

Lance stood in the small side doorway to the nearly dark barn, looking out into the driving rain even though he couldn't see a thing. He had been walking Cory and half listening as Britney and Alex discussed music with Justin and Joey until Brit pulled Cory's lead rope out of his hand and told him that he could watch for them while she led Cory up and down the aisle of the barn. Lance had thanked her and immediately moved to the small walk-through door that led out of the side of the barn towards the round pen, and he had been standing there staring into the rain ever since, really worried about JC. He and Alex had been in the barn for a good thirty minutes already, and Lance was trying hard not to think of all of the terrible things that could happen to tired horses and their riders when they ran down slick, dark trails.

Strong arms came around Lance from behind suddenly, making him jump slightly as Justin leaned close to Lance's ear and said softly, "They'll be okay. It's just wind and rain, and neither of them will melt."

"I know, but it's so dark, and the rain is coming down so hard you can barely see out there," Lance answered softly, moving his hands to cover Justin's on his stomach. "What if Kayla slips and falls, or bolts, or-"

"Stop it," Justin interrupted firmly, tightening his arms around Lance. "None of that is going to happen! You said yourself that Chris told you the colt would really slow them down on the way back, I'm sure they'll be here soon. How long did it take y'all to get to that meadow?"

Lance thought a moment, chewing on his lower lip. "A little less than two hours I guess, but we were walking pretty slow most of the way."

"And it's only been half an hour since you two got back here," Justin replied firmly. "We just have to give them time, they'll get here fine. _Josh_ will be fine, I'm sure of it."

"I hope you're right," Lance replied softly, staring out into the storm as he leaned back against Justin's chest and prayed JC and Chris would get there soon.

 

* * *

 

At that very moment Chris was guiding Danny at a fast walk along the wide, flat driveway on the far side of the barn, trying very hard not to think about the fact he wasn't cold anymore. He was rather warm, actually, and every time a flash of lightning made Danny jump JC's arms tightened around him and Chris got just a little warmer. Chris could easily feel that JC was just as aroused by the close contact as he was, and as Danny hurried his steps towards the dimly lit barn doors Chris suddenly found himself wishing they were further from home. A _lot_ further from home.

Chris felt JC turn against his back to look back towards Kayla and Pepper, then JC faced forward again and leaned close to Chris' ear as he said, "I'm glad we're almost there, Kayla's pretty tired."

Chris nodded, fighting the urge to lean back against JC's chest. "Me too."

They rode in silence the short distance to the barn doors and then inside before Britney spotted them and called out, "Oh god, what happened?!"

Chris pulled Danny to a stop well inside the barn as he said, "Kayla threw a shoe." He looked around and spotted the lit camping lanterns, frowning as he asked, "Why are the lights off?"

"Power's out," Joe replied immediately, moving to Danny's head to grab the horse's reins while Justin and Lance walked quickly down the aisle, wondering how they had missed JC and Chris passing the side door.

Chris' eyebrows went up as he looked at Joe. "Why isn't the generator on?"

"We were out here waiting for you to get back when the power went out, so nobody was in the house to turn it on," Britney replied, trying not to show how surprised she was that Chris wasn't in a hurry to get away from JC. "Get down, you two must be frozen. I'll get a couple of towels."

Brit handed Cory's lead rope to Alex and then headed towards the tack room as Chris swung his right leg over Danny's neck and slid to the ground, turning back towards the horse immediately and stepping sideways to give JC room to dismount too as Chris said, "I hate to ask you to go out in that rain, Joe, but would you go turn on the generator? We need the lights so I can check Kayla's hoof and see how bad it is."

"Sure," Joey replied immediately, already moving towards the house. "It won't be long."

"Thanks!" Chris called after him, watching Joe grab one of the raincoats piled near the door and then disappear into the rain before he looked up at JC and gave him a smile. "C'mon down."

JC returned the smile and slid out of the saddle to land next to Chris, grateful that Kayla was so close to Danny. The mare blocked everyone but Chris' view of the rather noticeable bulge in JC's jeans, and it wasn't like there was any chance Chris didn't already know. JC was sure that how aroused he was would be written all over his face so he didn't look at the others as he moved towards Kayla to stand close to her shoulder, facing her and shivering as he petted her neck. He wasn't really cold while he was riding with Chris, but now that he was on foot again he was quickly realizing he was soaked to the skin and that the wind coming in the open doors was almost frigid.

Justin and Lance exchanged a worried look, neither of them liking the way JC wasn't looking at anyone but Chris, then Lance asked, "Josh, you okay?"

JC turned his head quickly to look over his shoulder at Lance and Justin, nodding and looking surprised. "Yeah, just worried about Kayla, that's all."

Justin's brow creased slightly. "You sure?"

"I'm fine, Justin, I promise. Cold and wet, but that's sort of a given if you've been out in that." JC gestured towards the barn doors, and then gave Justin a grin. "If you wanna make my minute you could run inside and get me some dry clothes."

"Hey yeah," Chris said, giving Justin a sudden grin. "Would you grab me something, too? My room's right next to Jayce's, if you know which one is his."

Justin laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I do. What do you want me to get?"

"Anything that's dry," Chris replied immediately, still grinning. "There's a basket of clean clothes on my dresser—"

"That you were supposed to have put away three days ago," Britney interrupted as she walked up to offer JC and Chris the towels she was carrying.

Chris took a towel and went on as though she hadn't spoken, "—And anything in it would be fine."

"Okay, I'll be right back," Justin said, then grinned and started towards the barn doors. "C'mon Poof, you can help me carry."

Lance just snorted and started after him without a word as Britney grabbed Danny's reins and said, "Chris, you take care of Kayla and Pepper, I'll take Danny's tack off and start walking him." Britney didn't wait for a reply before she started towards the tack room with Danny in tow, pausing next to Alex to check the two horses he held before she gave him a grin and said, "You can put them up, they're cool enough now."

Alex grinned. "Good, Hank's tired of walking."

Britney laughed. "And you're not?"

"I didn't say that!" Alex replied immediately, giving Britney another grin before he turned away to lead the two geldings towards their stalls while Britney continued down the dimly lit aisle with Danny.

Chris stood near Kayla's head, rubbing his towel over his hair as he watched JC do the same until JC turned his head to look at him and said softly, "I know it's wrong, but I almost didn't want to get here."

Chris smiled at JC as he replied just as quietly, "Neither did I."

JC returned the smile and was just about to say something when the lights came on, making him blink quickly and then turn back towards Kayla, suddenly unsure he should admit what he was feeling right then.

Chris watched JC, his towel forgotten in his hands as he wondered what JC would have said, then he realized Kayla and Pepper were both shivering and shook himself, moving towards the mare. "Jayce, could you try to dry Pepper off some? We walked the last quarter of a mile so he shouldn't need walked out."

JC nodded immediately and turned to Pepper, who was standing by Kayla's hip with his head down, obviously exhausted. JC bit his lip and started rubbing the colt briskly with the towel Britney had given him as he asked, "Will he be okay? He looks so tired..."

"I think so, yeah," Chris said as he began running his towel over Kayla's neck and shoulder, watching JC with Pepper all the while. "We just need to get him warmed up and keep him that way. He made the trip down a lot better than I thought he would, really. He's a tough little guy." JC glanced up from the colt to give Chris a quick grin just as Pepper put his head down even further and pawed the ground. "Could you take him in his stall and dry him off in there? That way it won't matter if he wants to lay down or even roll."

JC nodded. "Sure." He reached down to pull Pepper's head up again as he said, "No Pepper, not here. Chris says you've got to go home first."

Chris watched with a grin as JC put one hand behind Pepper's ears and urged him towards Kayla's stall, only a little surprised that Pepper didn't argue with JC before he let himself be led. JC had a real way with the colt, and Chris was thinking he would ask JC to help him halter break Pepper while he was there. Chris was pretty sure JC would enjoy it, and the way the colt wanted to please JC made Chris think that Pepper would learn faster from him.

Alex came out of Hank's stall then and when he saw JC leading Pepper towards Kayla's stall he quickly moved to open the door, earning a bright grin and a quick, "Thank you," from JC.

Alex grinned. "No problem, Josh." He watched JC and Pepper go into the stall and then looked at Chris. "Is Kayla going in too, or should I close it?"

"Leave it open, please," Chris replied, turning towards Kayla to begin drying her off again, working his way down her front legs as he looked critically at her split hoof. He was glad to see the split was a shallow surface one, but that still didn't explain where the blood had come from so he ran his free hand down Kayla's leg and lifted her hoof, immediately spotting a shallow cut across her heel. Chris dropped her hoof again, satisfied she wasn't hurt badly, then moved to begin drying her barrel.

Alex looked into Kayla's stall again just in time to see Pepper lay down and immediately begin to roll, tossing straw around with his feet and tail as JC laughed and stepped back to watch him. Alex watched JC and the colt until Pepper finished rolling and JC moved back over to him to begin drying him off again, then Alex turned away and walked over to stand near Kayla's head and watch Chris. "Why does Kayla's stall have hay in the floor and the others have shavings?"

Chris glanced at Alex, then kept rubbing along Kayla's side. "The shavings can cause problems with newborn foals, so the stalls with babies get straw until they're a few months old. Kayla and Lacy were bred late last year, so they're the only two with foals young enough to need straw."

Alex moved to Kayla's other side to stroke her neck then, looking over her back at Chris. "Don't most people breed for spring foals?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah, but Lacy foaled late last year, and the year before too. She didn't catch before my old stallion died and I had to send her out to another farm, and their stallion was having a hard time settling his mares. She's been foaling late ever since."

"What happened to him? Your old stallion I mean," Alex said quietly, watching Chris' face for some hint that he didn't want to talk about it.

"He got out one night in a storm a lot like this one, and he took off up the mountain. I found him just after dawn the next day in a gully about three miles from here." Chris didn't add that the stallion hadn't been dead yet when he found him, or what hell he'd gone through watching him die up on that mountain. Chris never went out without his little .38 in his saddlebags anymore, just in case something like that happened again. He never wanted to watch another horse suffer like Prince did.

"Why did you wait so late with Kayla?" Alex asked, changing the subject slightly.

Chris shrugged. "I wasn't going to breed her at all last year, but when I got Demon I needed another horse to pen with him and help me calm him down. Demon won't tolerate a gelding and Kayla seems to like him, so she was sort of my default choice." Chris looked up at Alex suddenly and gave him a grin as he said, "Everybody involved got what they wanted, so it worked out pretty good."

Alex laughed at that just as Brit led Danny over to them and asked, "Chris, did you guys walk home or something? Danny doesn't really seem like he needs walked out."

"He probably doesn't need walked much, Brit, we walked the last quarter mile or so after Kayla threw that shoe," Chris replied, grinning. "As cold and wet as it is out there I doubt seriously that he's hot."

Lance walked back into the barn then, dropping the raincoat he was carrying and then shrugging out of his own slicker to reveal an armload of clothes.

"I'll put him up and go start supper then,” Brit said, smiling. “Are you going to be out here a while?"

"Yeah," Chris replied, "but y'all can go on ahead. Me and Jayce'll be along after we get Kayla and Pepper taken care of and feed the horses."

Britney nodded and turned away with Danny. "Okay. Supper should be in about an hour, I'll send someone to get y'all if you aren't back by then."

"Sounds good to me," Chris replied, nodding, and then he noticed Lance and grinned. "Hey, great, dry clothes! Thanks!"

Lance returned the grin and nodded. "You're welcome. Where do you want them?"

"Could you put them in the tack room, please?" Chris asked, grinning.

Lance nodded. "No problem. I'll put them on that table by the door."

Chris went back to rubbing the towel over Kayla's hip, glad to notice she wasn't shivering anymore as Alex asked, "You want a couple extra pairs of hands to help with feeding?" Chris looked up at him in surprise and Alex grinned, adding, "Nick and I don't know as much about horses as Lance does and we don't have the touch like Josh, but we can both carry a bucket."

Chris laughed. "Where is Nick anyway?"

Alex grinned and gestured with his thumb towards the far end of the barn. "Watching Lacy's baby play, or he was. Knowing him he's probably out cold, he didn't get much sleep last night."

Chris grinned. "You wore him out, huh?"

"Nicky may be bigger than I am, but he still has to work at it to keep up with me," Alex replied, looking a little smug. "We don't mind helping out though."

"Nah, y'all go on up to the house, me and Jayce can handle it," Chris said.

"Okay." Alex grinned and leaned closer to Kayla as he said quietly, "Good luck," then he turned and walked away up the aisle.

Chris watched Alex go with a bemused grin, then concentrated on drying Kayla off until she lifted her head and he saw Lance walking back down the aisle. Chris' eyebrows went up slightly when Lance went into the stall with JC, but he kept rubbing Kayla while Britney and then Nick and Alex left for the house. Chris continued working on Kayla for only a moment after Nick and Alex left before he draped the towel he was holding over his shoulder and picked up Kayla's lead rope to go put her up, curious as to what Lance was talking to JC about.

As he got closer to the stall Chris heard low voices, and he stopped to listen when he heard Lance ask, "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Yes," JC replied quietly, his voice intense and a little annoyed. "I am. You wanted me to move on and were encouraging me just an hour or two ago, so butt out. It's my life, and I have a God-given right to screw it up if I want to."

"If you think he'll screw up your life—" Lance began, but JC cut him off.

" _I_ don't think he would. I— It's been a hell of a long time since I felt like this about _anyone,_ Lance, okay? I think I'm old enough to choose for myself, and I want to see where this is going."

There was silence in the stall for a moment, and then Lance sighed. "Okay, I'll butt out, but if he hurts you..."

"He won't," JC replied, sounding calm again.

"I hope you're right," Lance said, then he stepped out of the stall and Chris started Kayla moving forward again, his face carefully neutral. Lance's eyes widened when he saw Chris and he asked suddenly, "How long have you been there?"

Chris lifted one eyebrow to give Lance an unreadable look. "Why do you wanna know? You talkin' about me behind my back or something?"

Lance opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again and blushed slightly. "I'm going back up to the house."

"Enjoy," Chris replied, moving past him with Kayla. "We'll be along later."

Lance wanted to say something but he bit his lip and started to go, stopping nearby to listen as Chris walked into the stall, reasoning that if Chris could eavesdrop then he could too.

Chris led Kayla into the stall and pulled the door shut behind him before he turned to look at Pepper, who was sound asleep with his head in JC's lap and a towel draped over him like a blanket. Chris couldn't help but grin at the picture the two of them made, and when JC looked up at him JC smiled at him and asked, "Kayla okay?"

Chris nodded, unclipping Kayla's leadrope and letting the mare move over to the water bucket in the corner as he moved to crouch by JC and run a hand over Pepper's neck. "Yeah, she'll be fine, just a little split in her hoof and a couple of cuts on her ankle from when she fell. I'll have to do a little work in the morning with a rasp and then she'll be good as new."

"That's great," JC said, smiling. "I'm glad she's not hurt worse."

"Me too." Chris rubbed Pepper's shoulder as he added, "It scared me half to death when she stumbled, I was sure she was going to fall on you."

JC looked at Chris, surprised. "You were worried about me?"

Chris looked JC in the eye and nodded. "Yeah, Jayce, I was. If you had been hurt I never would have forgiven myself."

JC smiled and said quietly, "I wasn't hurt though, Chris. I'm fine."

"And I'm glad," Chris said immediately, returning the smile. "Maybe we'll be able to go for a ride again soon."

"I hope so, I really enjoyed it," JC said, looking down at Pepper with a smile as he stroked the colt's face and added softly, "especially the last part."

Chris grinned and leaned closer to JC as he said just as softly, "I could tell." JC blushed at that and then Chris bumped his shoulder against JC's as he added, "I enjoyed it, too."

Lance turned away from the stall and walked away then, hoping JC knew what he was doing. Chris definitely seemed to care about him, and JC had been alone so long Lance couldn't really blame him for wanting to try for more between him and Chris. Lance didn't think Chris was just after JC to get laid, and hoped that JC wouldn't fall too hard for a man he would never see again.

It was a cinch Chris wasn't leaving the ranch, and everyone and everything JC knew was in California or Tennessee, not in the Montana mountains.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

~ ~ 10 ~ ~

 

After they admitted they enjoyed being so close to each other, JC and Chris were quiet for several minutes, both petting Pepper as the colt slept with his head in JC's lap. Chris had tried hard not to think about how good it had felt to have JC hold him on the ride home, but now, safe at home and alone with JC again, he gave it up as hopeless. He hadn't been that close to anyone but Howie in years because he avoided physical contact as a rule, and to have JC hold him like that had been unexpectedly nice. Chris realized slowly that he was willing to do almost anything to get it to happen again, and after only a few moments he found himself watching JC covertly as his mind roamed.

 _'He's so perfect, beautiful and sweet and fun and smart and so very fuckable, and God, how is he so beautiful? Alex is right,_ _Jayce can take your breath away with that smile of his. Looking into his eyes when he's happy is like seeing a little slice of heaven.'_ Chris stifled a self-derisive laugh at that, looking back down at Pepper. _'God, Kirkpatrick, could you be any more moony?! Stop that, he's just a man! A beautiful man who loves your horses and your home and music and _everything_ _**__**_you ever thought was important, but he's still just a man who is _leaving__ _in a few days, so get a grip and _stop_ _**__**_falling for him. You're begging for a broken heart, and you don't handle those too well, remember?'_

JC was also trying to think through exactly what he was feeling, but unlike Chris he was finding it difficult to define even to himself. He wanted Chris, there was no question of that in his mind, but there was more there, too. JC hadn't known Chris long, barely knew him at all, really, but he found himself wanting to know more, wanting to know _everything_. JC hadn't really wanted more than an occasional date from Ryan for months after they met, but he had known Chris less than forty-eight hours and already wanted to spend every waking moment with him, which confused JC more than a little.

 _'Every sleeping moment too_ ,' a tiny corner of JC's mind added. _'You just want to be with him, you don't even care if he knows you're there or not_. _Lance is right, you've fallen for him._ '

JC nibbled the inside of his lower lip, looking down at where Chris' hand rested so close to his own on Pepper's neck, then suddenly said aloud, "I think I might be falling for you. Just, um, just so you know."

Chris looked at JC, wide-eyed with surprise. "Did I hear that right? It sounded like you said you were falling for me." JC nodded without looking up, afraid of what he'd see on Chris' face. "Are you warning me, or just saying it, or what?" Chris asked, completely thrown for a loop by the fact JC just _said_ what he was thinking.

JC shrugged, still not looking up as he said quietly, "Warning you, I guess. So you can avoid me if you want, or whatever. I'll understand if you do. Avoid me I mean. I'm pretty fucked up."

"You're pretty, I'll give you that," Chris replied, smiling slightly when JC turned bright red. "But fucked up, no. You've been hurt and treated like crap or ordered around like a redheaded step child, yeah, but that's not fucked up, that's just being too sweet for your own good."

"I _am_ though," JC replied even more quietly, playing with Pepper's short, silky mane. "Everyone says so. I'm just, well, yeah. Fucked up covers it pretty well."

Chris snorted. "And who told you that?"

"Umm, like, everyone?" JC said in an obvious _duh_ tone, and then amended, "Well, no, not quite. Justin's never said it. Alex won't say it to my face, but I hear him and Lance talk about me sometimes when they think my stereo is too loud for me to hear them. It's not just them though, my doctor – well, she's a shrink – has said it too. I know I've got problems. I mean, I'm not normal. Not even almost."

"Jayce, dude, normal people _annoy me_ and so do shrinks. They want a perfect little world where everyone fits into nice little cubbyholes they've hacked out in the scheme of things, and they piss me off when they go trying to make amazing people like you fit into boxes never meant for them."

JC smiled slightly at being called amazing, still not looking up. "I get the feeling you don't quite fit into anyone's boxes either."

"And I don't want to," Chris said firmly. "Annoying and weird as I am when compared to every other dude rancher in the country, I _like_ being me. I wouldn't try to be _normal_ for all the money in the world."

JC was silent a moment, thinking about that, then suddenly said, "You know—" JC was silent a second, then went on, "Well, I told Justin the same thing a while back, that I knew I was fucked up, and he said I was wrong too. He told me that I needed to accept myself just like I am so I could be happy again, and then everyone else would learn to accept me too. Lance heard him and said Justin was nuts, then he told me not to listen to him and that admitting I have problems was good for me. That's what my shrink says too, that I need to learn to admit my problems."

"I knew I liked the kid, and you don't need a shrink, you're little enough," Chris said firmly. "And Lance, well, he'd better watch his step."

JC looked up in surprise. "You— But... Why?"

"Justin's the one who was right, Jayce, not Lance." Chris looked at JC for a moment then suddenly smiled. "And as for why Lance better watch his step, well, I don't let people mess with someone I care about." Chris stood up and walked out of the stall, leaving JC sitting there alone, slackjawed.

 _'He... He _cares_ ab_ _out me?!_ ' JC thought incredulously after a minute, staring at the wall. ' _But, I— He _knows_ , _**__**_how could he care about me? _Nobody_ w_ ** __** _ants to be with someone who's done that, it's _stupid_ , _**__**_you can't tru—'_

Chris stuck his head in the door of the stall then. "Jayce, man, however lucky I might think the little guy is, Pepper _doesn't_ need to you to hold him while he sleeps. You _do_ need to get warm though, so go in the tack room and change into some dry clothes, okay?" JC looked over his shoulder at Chris, wide-eyed, and Chris grinned at him. "You can spazz later, right now the horses are hungry and I could use the help you promised me."

Chris didn't wait for an answer before he walked off towards the feed room again, completely ignoring his own wet, clammy clothes. JC thought he was falling for him, for _Chris_ , and he loved the ranch and the horses and he'd said today on the trail that he was happier than he'd been in years, and— __

_'And you're acting like a moony kid again, Kirkpatrick! Get a _grip_!_ **__** _'_

Chris pushed the annoying little voice away as he took down the stack of cheap buckets that he used to feed every evening and put them in the floor at his feet. He opened the feed bins then to begin filling the buckets one at a time, glancing at the name scrawled on each one before he filled it with the right amount of feed for that horse, still grinning like a fool.

 

* * *

 

JC walked out of the tack room about five minutes later to go find Chris, stopping suddenly when he saw that the door leading to Demon's corral was open, as was the gate. JC turned his head quickly to look towards Demon's stall just as Chris walked out of it, and Chris took one look at JC before he grinned. "I like that."

JC gave him a confused look. "Like what?"

Chris shut the stall and walked over towards the open doors as he gestured to JC's clothes. "You wearing my shirt. It looks a hell of a lot better on you."

JC looked down at the sweatshirt he had just put on and flushed when he realized that it wasn't his, even though it _was_ fairly similar to one of his favorite shirts. "I— I'm sorry, it was dark 'cause I couldn't find the light switch and I have one kind of like this, I'll go—"

"Jayce, _chill_ ," Chris said, chuckling as he latched the door and turned to walk towards JC. "You're welcome to wear it."

JC's blush deepened as he looked at Chris and asked, "Are you sure?"

Chris nodded, grinning as he put a hand on JC's back and urged him towards the feed room. "I'm sure, yes, wear it and come help me feed the other horses, please."

JC let Chris guide him down the aisle towards the feed room, smiling slightly. "You just don't want to wait long enough for me to change it."

"Got it in one," Chris said immediately, still grinning. "But I meant what I said, too, it looks much better on you than it does on me. How do you do that?"

"Um, I don't know, I mean, I'm sure it looks even better on you," JC replied, flustered. He hadn't had anyone but Justin or Alex tell him he looked good in a long time, and he didn't quite know if he should believe Chris meant it or not. Justin and Alex told him he looked good pretty regularly, but it was different when they said it, they were his friends. Chris was, well, _Chris_ , and every time Chris said that he liked something about him JC's stomach did this little flip and JC had to fight not to blush and grin like an idiot.

Chris just snorted and walked into the feed room, coming back out a moment later with two buckets in each hand and offering them to JC. "Jayce, dude, _nothing_ looks that good on me."

JC blushed again and took the buckets. "I'm sure it does."

Chris' eyebrows went up, and then he grinned wickedly. "Jayce, did you just say you thought I'd look good in nothing at all?"

"No!" JC answered hurriedly, then realized that wasn't true. "Well, uh, yeah, but, I—" JC broke off and took a deep breath, his face still scarlet, then changed the subject. "Which bucket goes where?"

"They've got names on 'em, Jayce," Chris replied, smirking.

JC looked at the buckets and then moved away, walking quickly towards Cory's stall. _'Way to go dumbass, make a complete _fool_ o_ ** __** _f yourself over him and see how long it takes him to turn and run the other way,'_ JC thought, disgusted with himself as he put the other three buckets down outside Cory's stall. He walked in and quickly put the roan gelding's grain in his feeder, pausing only long enough to pat the horse's blue-grey speckled shoulder before he went out and grabbed Hank's bucket to do the same with it. _'He seems to like the fact that I like him, though,'_ JC thought as he filled Hank's feeder, _'and he keeps saying nice things about me. Maybe he won't w_ ** __** _ant to run away.'_

JC grinned and walked quickly out of Hank's stall to pick up the other buckets again, glancing at the names before he moved towards Scotch's stall to feed her, completely missing the fact Chris was watching him from across the aisle and grinning like a fool.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

~ ~ 11 ~ ~

 

JC finished feeding the buckets Chris had given him and then went back to the feed room expecting to find Chris, but instead he found a neat stack of empty buckets next to Lacy's feed. JC put the buckets he had used up and then picked up Lacy's bucket to go feed her, wondering if Chris went up to the house already and if so why he hadn't waited for him. JC walked down the aisle and into Lacy's stall to dump her feed in her bucket, sighing and leaving the stall again when her colt ducked around behind her instead of coming to see him. He glanced up as he stepped out of Lacy's stall and stopped, his eyes widening slightly as he saw Chris through the half-open tack room door.

Chris was standing with his back towards the door of the brightly lit room pulling up a pair of tight grey jeans, and the wide strip of untanned skin JC glimpsed made it obvious Chris wasn't wearing underwear. JC licked his lips and shifted slightly to get a better view, barely breathing as he watched Chris reach for a purple t-shirt that JC recognized as one of his own, loving the way the muscles in Chris' back flexed as Chris pulled it on. JC bit his lower lip, watching closely as Chris tucked the shirt in, and Chris was beginning to button his jeans when JC realized he was staring and blushed bright red, turning to hurry away just as Chris turned towards the door.

Chris grinned suddenly when he caught a glimpse of JC leaving in a hurry and moved over to the door to step into an old pair of tennis shoes he usually kept in the barn for just such an occasion. He moved back to pick up the wet clothes he'd dropped in the floor and then picked up JC's neatly folded ones off the table, carrying them all to the small apartment-style stacked washer and dryer in the back corner of the room to toss them in the dryer. Chris turned the dryer on, the he turned off the light and left the tack room to walk down the aisle towards where he saw JC fidgeting slightly by the feed room, shivering and looking out into the storm. "Get everyone fed?" Chris asked as he reached JC and gave him an easy grin.

JC nodded as he turned to look at him, trying to ignore the fact he was blushing as he smiled at Chris. "Yeah, I did. You ready to go?"

Chris glanced at his watch and then shrugged. "We can if you want, but Brit won't expect us for another twenty minutes at least. If we wait the rain might let up a bit, the storm wasn't supposed to last too long."

JC bit his lip, looking back out into the rain – which if anything was worse – before he gave Chris a slightly hesitant smile. "Let's wait then. I'm not looking forward to getting soaked again."

"Me either," Chris replied with a chuckle, then saw JC shiver again. "Would you like to go sit down on the hay? At least it's warm in there, and there's plenty of room to sit and get comfortable."

 _'Separately though_ ,' Chris reminded himself as he watched JC nod and wrap his arms around himself, cold even in a sweatshirt. Chris gave JC a grin and then led the way toward the stall next to Lacy's as he thought, _'Every time I look at him I remember he said he's falling for me and I just want to kiss him, but it's not fair to him. I don't want to make him feel like I'm running from him, but I should. He deserves a hell of a lot better than living up here in the middle of nowhere.'_

JC followed Chris down the aisle, also silent as he let his gaze roam over Chris' body again, absurdly grateful that Justin had grabbed a baggy pair of sweat pants for him. _'You're an idiot_ ,' JC told himself, pulling his gaze away from Chris' tight jeans. ' _He said he cares about you, not that he's falling for you or t_ ** __** _hat he wanted you. You don't do that anyway, remember? Sure, seeing him grin makes you want to pull him into the nearest dark corner and ask him to fuck you, but dammit, you're twenty-six years old and you're not going to turn into a slut at this late date, even if he is sexy as hell.'_

Chris led the way into the stall they had watched Lacy from the night before, but instead of climbing up on the hay he leaned up to get one of the blankets and then spread it out over the bales he normally used as a step. Chris gave JC a grin and flopped down on the blanket as soon as he had it spread out, gesturing for JC to join him. "No reason to bother climbin' up there just to wait for the rain to let up a bit."

JC smiled and moved to sit next to Chris as he replied simply, "True."

Chris turned to look searchingly at JC, fighting himself as he watched JC stare at his knees and his resolve not to get too close to JC quickly crumbled. _'He's so damned beautiful. What kind of an idiot would pass up the chance to be with him, even just for a few days? Sure, life'll be hell after he leaves, but wouldn't making him happy – even for just a few days – be worth the pain when he's gone?'_

"Did you mean it?" Chris suddenly asked then, watching JC closely.

JC had just been listening to the rain since he sat down but he looked up when Chris spoke, his eyes going wide. He fleetingly thought of pretending he had no idea what Chris meant, but he soon blushed and looked down again. "Um, yeah. I did."

Chris just watched him blush for a minute, thinking, then he finally asked, "Why does it embarrass you?"

JC looked up again, surprised. "I, um, I don't know, it just does. Maybe it's because I've, like, never done this."

"What about Ryan?" Chris asked softly.

"It wasn't like this, not at first..." JC trailed off, looking intently into Chris' unreadable eyes, and then looked down again as he admitted, "I'm not sure if it _ever_ was, really. It took me a while to get used to being with Ryan and even longer to love him."

"And now?"

JC shrugged. "Now I'm, well, feeling things I'm not sure I've ever really felt before. I mean, I don't know what to say or how I should act, or even if I should tell you. I just know I'm happier with you than I've been in a long, long time, and that I really want to be around you, if you don't mind."

Chris smiled suddenly. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Of course not!" JC replied, looking up at Chris in surprise.

"Then why would I mind, Jayce?" Chris asked, still smiling. "You have to know you're smart and fun to be around and—"

"So fucked up it's not even funny," JC finished for him, blushing as he looked down again.

Chris frowned and scooted a little closer to JC, reaching out to cup JC's chin and lift it until JC met his eyes again. " _You are not fucked up,_ " Chris said, emphatically. He let his hand drop then but held JC's gaze with his own as he went on. "I want to kick Lance's ass _every_ time I hear you say that, and Alex's too. You've been hurt and were allowed to feel like it was all your fault but it _isn't,_ Jayce, it never _was_. You've got a heart of gold, and you're intelligent and so beautiful you can take a guy's breath away, and I _don't_ want you feeling like that anymore. You _aren't_ fucked up, Jayce, you're just someone who's had some really bad luck and then people told you there was something wrong with you until you believed it. That's all."

JC looked into Chris' brown eyes for a long time before he slowly smiled. "You really believe that, don't you?"

"Damn straight," Chris replied with a decisive nod, his expression still serious. "You should too. There isn't a thing wrong with you that some good food and sunshine can't cure, Jayce."

JC watched him with a smile for a moment, and then said, "I could really use some sunshine right now."

"Why's that?" Chris asked, returning the smile.

"Because I'm freezing," JC replied, "and if the sun was out I could get warm."

Chris laughed softly and shifted back to get more comfortable on the hay, leaning against the higher part of the stack. "I'm not at all cold, Jayce." JC gave him an obviously skeptical look so he held out one hand. "Feel for yourself, man, I'm all warm and toasty."

"I don't see how." JC took the offered hand, then absently wrapped his much colder hand around it as he said, "You're just not normal." He let his gaze roam quickly over Chris' chest as he remembered how warm Chris had felt pressed up against him on the way home, then he suddenly gave Chris an impish grin. "You should be freezing, I know that's a thin t-shirt."

Chris grinned. "I told you, normal is _vastly_ overrated." He looked down at his chest too then, finally noticing how tight the shirt looked even though it was surprisingly comfortable, then looked back up at JC and said teasingly, "How you confused my nice quiet grey sweatshirt with this bright purple thing, I'll never know."

JC blushed slightly but his grin didn't falter as he moved to lean back against the hay next to Chris, not even thinking about the fact he was still holding Chris' hand. "Justin knows I get cold easy so I just assumed he had Lance bring me something warm to wear. I didn't even look at the shirt, or the jeans either once I saw they were grey."

"Faded black," Chris corrected with a grin. "And y'know what they say about assuming something." JC gave him a blank look and Chris' grin turned into a smirk as he explained, "It makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'."

JC looked surprised and giggled. "That's a good one, I'll have to remember it."

"You never heard that?" Chris asked, grinning.

"Nope!" JC replied cheerfully, "I guess I just got lucky."

Chris grinned at him for a moment, then let his gaze drift down to where JC still held his hand before he lifted JC's hand to breathe across it and then rub the back gently with his other hand. "You really _are_ cold, want me to get you the other blanket?"

JC shivered as Chris blew across his hand again before he managed to say softly, "You don't have to. I can get it if I need it."

"You're cold _now,_ Jayce," Chris replied quietly, smiling. "You can't climb on the hay barefoot to get it, and it'll only take me a second." Chris grinned suddenly and added, "Unless you have a better idea of how to warm you up."

JC looked at him a moment, then pulled his hand away from Chris and scooted closer, sliding his arm around Chris' waist as he curled up against his side and rested his left hand on Chris' stomach. "Think this might work?" JC asked, tipping his head to give Chris a little grin.

Chris grinned back at him and draped one arm around JC's shoulders, pulling him even closer so that JC's shoulder was tucked snugly under his arm. "I hope so. Gives me a good excuse to hold you."

JC blushed, looking down at where his hand rested on Chris' belly, then he smiled and whispered, "You don't need an excuse, I don't mind."

Chris' eyebrows went up at that, then he grinned and leaned his head a little closer to JC's as he said quietly, "Neither do I, Jayce, so anytime you feel like touchin' me, go for it."

Chris felt JC's arm tighten slightly around his back as JC laid his cheek against Chris' collarbone. "Thanks, I love to cuddle."

Chris smiled as he rested his chin against JC's hair and laid his hand on top of JC's on his stomach. "I haven't cuddled in years, but I remember that once upon a time I really liked it."

JC didn't reply immediately, enjoying the feeling of having Chris so close for a while before he finally asked softly, "Why _have_ you been alone so long? And don't tell me it's because nobody wanted you, there can't be _that_ many blind people in Montana."

Chris chuckled. "I wouldn't bet too much money on that, but there have been a lot of reasons. Mostly I was afraid I'd make another mistake."

Chris was quiet a moment then and JC was just about to ask what he meant by that when he went on softly. "I met Kevin right after I started my junior year of high school. Kevin had just moved into town – I'm from a little bitty place in Pennsylvania – and we hit it off immediately even though Kevin was a senior. It wasn't long before we went everywhere together, and we'd been hanging out together for a month or so when Kevin told me he thought he might be bi and he wanted me to help him figure it out." Chris paused and then continued, "My mom always has told me that I'd do way too much for a friend, and I guess she's right. Kevin was my first, but I found out eventually that he'd had a cousin he fucked around with back at home, and that getting caught was why he had to move away."

Chris absently began to stroke JC's fingers then, shifting to lay his cheek against the top of JC's head. "We decided that getting laid whenever we got horny was cool and started fucking around a lot, but he didn't want it to be exclusive until after he walked into the bathroom at the prom and found me going down on another guy. He had a fit and said I had to make a choice, and I didn't even have to think about it before I chose him. Kev got me to move in with him a week or so after that and got _really_ possessive when I was around other guys, but everything was great otherwise and it wasn't long before I was believing all the things he told me. He loved me, he wanted to be with me forever, you know, the usual sappy shit people like to hear."

Chris' voice was quiet and strained by then and JC turned his head without thinking to kiss Chris' collarbone before he said softly, "I know exactly what you mean, Ryan told me all of the same things. I— It's stupid, but I think I may have loved the fact that someone loved me more than I actually loved _him_."

Chris nodded slightly, his cheek brushing JC's hair. "I think that was a lot of my problem, too. Before Kevin I'd never had anyone tell me they loved me except my mom and sisters, and they don't count, y'know?"

JC nodded. "Yeah. By the time I met Ryan I was living with Justin because my family knew I was gay and hated me, so I didn't have anyone who I could really call _mine_ except him." JC pulled back to look up at Chris then, his eyes dark and serious as he asked softly, "You know what went wrong with me and Ry. Why aren't you still with Kevin?"

Chris gave JC a wry little smile and JC moved closer again, tucking his nose against Chris' neck so that Chris could lay his cheek against JC's hair again, enjoying the faintly citrus scent of JC’s shampoo. "Well, I loved him and I made excuses for how Kev treated me, so when my mom saw I had a black eye in my graduation pictures, I told her it was an accident. He'd been getting rough with me for a while by then, slapping me around whenever I pissed him off, but I was completely convinced it was my fault. My mom started watching me more closely, coming to visit when Kevin was working – he made me quit my job, so I was home a lot – and she saw I had bruises all the time and wanted to know if Kevin was beating me."

JC moved his hand from Chris' stomach to wrap that arm around Chris' waist too as Chris admitted softly, "I lied to her. It's the only really important thing I ever lied to her about. I told her he didn't know how strong he was and never meant to hurt me, and that a lot of the time it was just that we were playing around and got too rough. She knew that Kev and I had always wrestled around even before we got together, and I guess he was so much bigger than me that she let me get away with it. I don't really remember it that well, but my mom says she finally knew I was lying to her when I started getting quiet and depressed and was so afraid I'd upset Kevin that I wouldn't even go to the store unless I called and asked him first. I do remember that she was always asking me to leave him, but I didn't listen until one night Kevin got carried away and put me in the hospital."

JC made a soft noise and tightened his arms around Chris as he said quietly, "I hope you made him regret it."

Chris let out a short laugh. "Not really, I just left a note and almost everything I owned in his house the day I got out of the hospital and moved back in with my mother and sisters. Kevin called after work that night and was so pissed that I knew if I went back to him he'd really make me regret it, so I hung up on him and then avoided even talking to him. I laid around the house until I healed up – busted ribs are a bitch, I'm telling you – then I got a job working for a local boarding stable because Kevin hates horses and I thought I'd never see him there. Things went great for a while after that. I found out I love working with horses, and I was even learning how to be happy again."

Chris sighed softly. "Then Kevin showed up one day and threatened just about everyone there until the owner said she'd call the police if either of us ever came back. Kevin stalked me for a few weeks after that before I finally left town and went to live with my uncle in Arizona. I wanted to work with horses and had vague plans to have my own farm some day, but I had no connections so I got a job at a local garage and worked there a few months before one of my uncle's friends in Scottsdale finally offered me a job working with him as a stable hand."

"I'm glad you got away from him," JC said softly after a long moment of silence. "I wish he was here right now, though."

"Why?" Chris asked, surprised and a little confused.

"Because I want to kill him, but I'm too happy here to go looking for him."

Chris laughed softly and then kissed the top of JC's head before he spoke, his lips brushing JC's hair. "Like I said before, Jayce, you're practically perfect."

JC giggled against Chris' chest. "Just don't call me Mary."

"I won't," Chris replied with a grin, "but you'd probably look good in a dress."

"Hey!" JC sat up, keeping his arm around Chris' back as he swatted his chest lightly with the other hand and looked like he wasn't sure if he should be amused or annoyed. After only a moment amusement won and JC suddenly grinned as he said, "If you're really good, maybe someday you'll find out."

Chris gave him a wicked grin and had just opened his mouth to say something when Justin's voice called, "Josh?"

JC looked at Chris as he called, "We'll be there in a second, Justin!" He impulsively leaned in to press his lips briefly against Chris' then pulled away to give him a grin. "I'm starving."

Chris nodded, surprised by the kiss but also grinning. "Me too, lunch was forever ago."

JC hopped up and grabbed Chris' hand to pull him to his feet as he said, "Well c'mon, then!"

Chris laughed and let JC pull him out of the stall, ignoring the odd look they got from Justin and letting JC tow him along until JC started to go right out into the rain, when Chris planted his feet and pulled on JC's hand to stop him. "Jayce, wait a sec, it's still pouring! At least grab a raincoat."

"But there's only one left," JC replied, grinning. "You can have it, I love the rain."

"You'll freeze your ass off, what there is of it," Justin said with a laugh. "It's _cold_ rain, Josh."

JC made a face at Justin as Chris said, "And you just finally started to warm up again too, you don't need to get soaked again." Chris let go of JC's hand and moved over to grab the last raincoat, turning back to JC as he said, "C'mon Jayce, put it on."

"We can share," JC said with a sudden grin instead of taking it. "It's not far to the kitchen door and it's a big coat."

Chris shrugged, smiling. "Whatever you want, Jayce, just as long as you don't go out in that without a coat."

JC grinned and moved to shrug into the coat as Justin asked, "How are you both gonna wear it?"

"Like this," JC replied, moving behind Chris and wrapping the coat around him as he grinned over Chris' shoulder at Justin. "We're both little, we'll make it."

Justin snorted. "Both nuts, you mean. Go on ahead, I'll shut the barn doors."

"Thanks," Chris said, giving Justin a quick grin before he towed JC out into the rain, laughing when JC yelped and pushed him along faster as soon as he stepped out on the cold wet ground. They only went a few steps before Chris had an idea and suddenly bent to grab JC's knees, lifting him easily to his back as JC wrapped his arms around Chris' shoulders and laughed.

Justin watched them cross the yard and then pass between him and the porch light, wondering just what he would have found if he had walked into the barn to look for them instead of calling JC. Chris set JC down once they were on the back porch and they took the raincoat off, then Justin saw them pause to talk for a moment before JC grabbed Chris' hand and tugged him towards the door, both of them laughing. Justin pulled up the hood on his raincoat and moved to slide the barn doors shut, grinning all the while and really glad Howie had told them about Kirkpatrick's place.

Justin turned away from the doors as soon as he latched them and trotted through the rain towards the house thinking that it didn't really matter what had gone on between them in the barn. JC was happy, so even if it meant JC stayed up here when they went home Justin wasn't about to knock it, no matter how much he would miss him. Knowing JC was happy was worth any price Justin had to pay, especially after watching JC die by inches over the last two years. Chris seemed to be exactly what JC had needed, and Justin was so glad to see JC's happy grin again that he didn't care if the two had just met, or how different their backgrounds were. JC was laughing again and that was all that really mattered.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

~ ~ 12 ~ ~

 

JC walked into the kitchen wearing a sweatshirt and Lance's eyebrows immediately went up because he had taken him a purple t-shirt, he was sure of it. Lance had barely opened his mouth to say something when Chris followed JC into the room and Lance saw _he_ was wearing JC's shirt.

Lance closed his mouth quickly and held his peace as he wondered, _'What is going on with those two?_ ' followed quickly by, _'That shirt does l_ ** __** _ook a _lot_ better on Kirkpatrick. Wow.'_

"Alright, you're on," JC said as they walked inside, smirking over his shoulder at Chris as he started around the table towards the living room.

Chris grinned, moving after JC as he said, "And the loser has to—"

"Yep," JC said with a nod, cutting him off as he stepped through the kitchen doorway and headed for the stairs. "Only I won't need to worry about it because I'm gonna win."

Chris laughed, not even sparing a glance for the other people in the kitchen as he followed JC and said, "You're gonna _eat_ those words, Jayce, I'm _tellin_ ' ya!"

Lance and Alex stared at each other across the table, more than a little surprised at the fact JC had completely ignored them, but they were quickly distracted by Britney as she asked Joey, "Where did Chris get that _shirt_?"

"I dunno, but he's gettin' out of shape again," Joey replied, serving himself some of the lasagna Brit had made for supper.

Lance laughed in surprise as Alex asked, " _That's_ out of shape?!"

"Yep," Joey said, nodding. "Chris has just about lost his abs. Pitchin' manure just doesn't give you the same workout as tossin' around eighty pound hay bales, I guess."

"Damn," Alex said, grinning. "I've seen guys who work out _all_ the _time_ – _cough_ Nicky _cough_ – who don't look much better than he does." Nick reached over to swat at Alex then but he easily ducked the blow as the back door opened again and Justin walked in, grinning.

Justin moved over to sit down next to Lance before he looked around the table and asked brightly, "Where's Josh?"

"Upstairs," Lance answered, watching Justin fill his plate. "What were they doing when you went outside?"

"Sittin' in that stall watching Lacy again," Justin replied, then set the pan of lasagna back down and looked at Lance. "Why?"

Lance shrugged. "Just wondered what they were doing."

"Your buddy like horses?" Joey asked, and when Lance and Justin both nodded he said, "Well, there you go then. Chris'll talk horses for hours on end and enjoy every minute of it."

"Josh would love that," Alex said then, grinning. "He's crazy about them."

Joey grinned and was about to say something else when Britney changed the subject, asking Lance if they wanted to stay in the main house that night because of the storm.

 

* * *

 

Chris followed JC up the stairs, admiring JC's ass in silence until they reached the top and he was sure they were out of earshot of the kitchen. "I _still_ say Brit'll ask first."

JC grinned over his shoulder at Chris and walked into his open room as he said, "You don't know _Lance,_ man." Chris paused in JC's doorway and watched him walk over to begin rummaging around in the bag that was laying on the foot of his bed as he added, "I bet he's beside himself right now, wanting to come up here and ask me what I was doing." JC pulled a plain white t-shirt out of the bag then and started to take off Chris' sweatshirt.

Chris moved to lean on the inside of the doorjamb with a grin to watch JC shuck the sweatshirt, admiring the lean but toned lines of his shoulders and trying not to let himself dwell on just how visible JC's ribs were. "What, you think that'll be too hot?"

JC picked up the t-shirt and then gave Chris a quick grin over his shoulder before he pulled it on and said, "Nope, I'm gettin' cold again." JC picked Chris' sweatshirt up off of his bed and was about to put it back on when he half-turned to look at Chris and asked, "Would you rather I wear one of my sweatshirts?"

Chris shook his head quickly, smiling. "Nah, wear that one. Looks good on you."

JC returned the smile, trying to ignore his blush as he pulled the sweatshirt on. "It'll only take me a minute to wash up for supper."

Chris pushed off from the doorway with a nod. "Same here, be right back."

"Okay." JC gave him a quick grin and then Chris disappeared into the hall as JC started across his room to go use the bathroom and wash his hands.

JC walked into the bathroom and took two steps towards the toilet before he decided that he really didn't want to risk Chris walking in on him and turned to close the door behind him. When he turned back around he glanced at the mirror and stopped in surprise as he saw the grin still on his face, the color in his cheeks, and the sparkle in his eyes. The rain had made his hair lay against his head so closely that it looked much shorter than it really was, and the oversized sweatshirt added to the illusion that he was carrying a lot more weight and muscle than he really had. The man who stared back at him _was_ him, yes, but it almost appeared to be a younger version of himself, the bright-eyed, _happy_ guy he had thought he had forgotten how to be.

JC stared at his reflection a moment longer, remembering how depressed it had made him to look at himself the night before, then he suddenly smiled, remembering something Chris had said. _"You've got a heart of gold, and you're intelligent and so beautiful you can take a guy's breath away."_

JC's smile widened as he turned away from the mirror to move towards the toilet, happy with his looks for the first time in a long time. Sure, nothing had really changed, but Chris liked what he saw when he looked at JC so there must be _something_ there worth seeing, right?

 

* * *

 

Chris walked to JC's room a few minutes later and leaned against the wall outside his open door, softly humming the song he'd just been listening to on the radio as the chorus ran through his mind. He'd only been there for a minute or so when JC stepped out of his room and smiled at him. "That sounds familiar. What song is it?"

Chris grinned and pushed off the wall to start towards the stairs with JC at his side as he replied, "I dunno, just heard the end of it on the radio and liked it. Great acoustic guitar and piano melody."

They started quickly down the stairs then and it was a few moments before JC asked, "Do you remember the words?"

Chris nodded just as they reached the bottom of the stairs and said, "Yeah, the chorus for sure, and some of the rest too." Chris was silent a second getting it right in his head and then began singing softly as they started towards the kitchen, " _'Everything you want is what I got to give you, you just have to let yourself come with me now. Everything you want is what I got to give you, no time to hesitate, come with me now. Let's go and watch the sunrise.'"_

JC glanced at the table as they entered the kitchen, his eyes narrowing as he saw Lance was in his seat but otherwise showing no sign he had noticed as he asked, "What do you want to drink?"

"Root beer's good," Chris replied, moving towards the cabinets to get glasses for them both.

JC walked across to the refrigerator as he thought about the lyrics, then suddenly said, "Oh! Doesn't the next part go, _'Let your heart run along to the rhythm of the song_ '?"

"Yeah!" Chris replied quickly, grinning as he set the glasses on the counter. "What's the name of it?"

JC looked up as he closed the fridge, then laughed and opened the freezer to get a tray of ice. "I have no clue, but it's a great song. I love that group, all of their stuff is smooth like that."

JC closed the freezer again with his elbow and moved over to hand Chris the ice and set the bottle of Barqs on the counter nearby as Chris asked, "Who is it?"

"I dunno that either, but I want to," JC replied with a grin, and then turned to look at the table, where most of the others had started laughing.

Britney was the first to speak, still giggling as she said, "Y'all are two of a kind, for sure."

Joey nodded, grinning. "I thought Chris was the only person in the _world_ who could sing along to a song even though he had no clue what it was."

"No, Josh does that all the time," Justin said, trying not to laugh again. "He'll sing along with the radio and get every word right, then someone will ask him what the name of the song was and he'll be all like, 'What song?'"

Lance acted almost as though the others hadn't spoke as he looked at JC and asked, "What took y'all so long in the barn?"

"Ha!" JC crowed, giving Chris a smug look as Chris finished pouring one glass of root beer. "I _told_ you!"

Chris gave him a wry grin and offered him the full glass. "Yeah, you did, but I didn't think _anyone_ could be nosier than _Brat_."

JC smirked and took the glass, the fact he'd won their little bet, which he was sure Chris had thought was a sure thing, making him bold as he leaned next to Chris' ear and whispered, "You'll enjoy it, I promise."

Chris snorted but couldn't help a grin as he filled his own glass, wondering what JC had in mind.

JC walked over to the table, where Lance was sitting in the chair next to Chris'. Lance had sat down there so that JC would have two people between him and Chris just to see how JC would react, and JC was ready to give him his reaction.

JC stopped next to Lance, raising one eyebrow. "You're in my seat."

Lance gave JC a bemused grin. "I didn't see a name on it."

"Yes, well, there's not a name on that one either," JC pointed to the seat on Justin's other side with a sweet smile, "so get your theivin' butt outta my seat."

Lance rolled his eyes and stood up. "Would it kill you to say please, Joshua?"

Chris walked over and sat down in his chair as JC gave Lance another sweet smile and replied, "Would it kill you to not take my seat just to see if I'm willing to fight for it, James?"

Justin grinned and switched Lance's plate with the empty one on his other side. "He's got a point there babe."

Lance snorted and sat down between Justin and Nick. "I did no such thing."

JC snorted and sat down, watching Chris take his plate to fill it. "Yeah, right. You were just _dying_ to sit next to Chris and it didn't even _cross_ your _mind_ that I might want to."

Britney giggled at the look on Lance's face as Lance said, "I just sat down, JC. I didn't think about where everyone else would sit other than making sure there was a seat next to me for Justin."

JC obviously still didn't believe him but he let it drop as Chris handed his plate back, giving Chris a bright grin as he said, "Thanks," then he looked across the table at Britney and added, "it looks great."

Brtiney smiled. "Thank you, JC, I hope you like it."

"Jayce worked up an appetite tonight," Chris said with a grin as he began filling his own plate. "And this time he hasn't had half a gallon of water first."

JC grinned and looked down at his plate as he began to eat, ignoring the speculative looks the others were giving him as he tried to decide what he wanted to do for the rest of the evening. The stakes of their bet had been that the loser had to do whatever the winner wanted to do, so it was up to JC to decide. He hadn't really cared if he won or lost when he agreed to the bet, since he'd be spending the evening with Chris either way, so he had no clue what to do.

Twenty minutes later everyone but JC was through eating and Lance, Justin, Alex, and Nick had moved to the living room to watch a movie from Chris' extensive DVD collection while Joey and Britney did the dishes. JC had only a few bites left of his second helping of lasagna and had been quiet all through supper so Chris was a little surprised when he suddenly asked, "What do you wanna do this evening?"

Chris laughed. "Hey man, you won the bet. Your choice."

JC gave him a little grin. "Okay, so, what are my options?"

"Just about anything you can think of, really. We get snowed in a lot in the winter so we've got plenty to keep us busy up here," Chris replied, returning the grin. "We've got dozens of movies and the den has a TV, Playstation, and a couple of decent computers, and there's a really nice stereo in the living room. What are you in the mood to do?"

JC shrugged, still grinning. "I can't decide, that's why I asked you."

"Well, what would you do if you were home?" Britney asked after a moment, making Chris and JC both look towards the sink to see her leaning against the counter next to Joe and watching them with a smile.

"Not much, really," JC replied, his grin turning wry. "I'm a pretty boring guy. I'd probably wind up curled up in bed with a book."

Chris grinned. "Well, we have beds and books, so if that's what blows your skirt up then we can arrange it."

JC laughed and shook his head. "Nope, you're not getting off _that_ easy."

Chris smirked, a wicked gleam in his eyes. "I'm gonna be so good and not take advantage of that perfect straight line."

Joey grinned and Britney giggled as JC looked confused, thinking about what he'd said a moment as he chewed his last bite of lasagna, then he swatted Chris' shoulder, grinning even though he was blushing. "That's not what I meant and you know it!"

Chris laughed and stood to carry JC's now-empty plate over to the sink. "Admit it, you walked right into that one, Jayce."

"Don't you mean jumped into it with both feet?" JC asked wryly, the stood up and drained the last of his Barqs before he picked up Chris' empty glass too and carried both over to hand them to Brit.

Britney grinned and took the glasses from him turning to add them to the dirty dishes as Chris put a hand on JC's back and urged him towards the door. "C'mon, Jayce. There's gotta be _something_ you wanna do around here."

JC grinned. "No matter what I say to that one I think I'll get myself in trouble, so I'm not gonna say anything." Chris just grinned and steered him out of the room while Joey and Britney both laughed.

Lance had sprawled comfortably on the loveseat in the den as soon as he walked into the room, and when JC and Chris walked in he was grinning as he watched Justin and Nick argue with Alex over which movie they should watch. Justin wanted to watch what Nick had sneeringly called 'a chick flick' while Nick said they should watch _'Gone In Sixty Seconds'_ because it had hot cars and Nicholas Cage in it, and Alex wanted to watch _'The Kentucky Fried Movie_ ' because it was supposed to be hilarious.

JC stopped in the doorway with Chris pausing close behind him and looking past his shoulder as Justin turned to Lance and said, "C'mon, you gotta care what we watch, be the deciding vote here."

"Oh hell no!" Nick exclaimed, "He'll just vote for what you want!" He saw JC and Chris standing in the doorway then and pointed at them. "Let JC decide, he never picks the movie."

"Okay," Justin said, turning to look at JC and Chris and grinning when he saw that Chris' hand was on JC's back. "What do you wanna watch, Josh?"

"I don't even know that I want to watch a movie," JC replied, grinning. "What are my choices?"

"' _Gone In Sixty Seconds_ ', _'The Kentucky Fried Movie_ ', or _'The Full Monty_ '," Justin replied, placing just a bit of emphasis on the last one since it was what he wanted to watch.

Chris laughed. "You're kidding! I didn't know we even _had_ a copy of ' _The Full Monty'_."

"Is it any good?" JC asked.

"Well, depends on what you mean by _good_ ," Chris replied with a grin. "This bunch of factory workers gets laid off and they decide to become male strippers. It's funny, and I guess a couple of the guys are okay if you're desperate, but they _sure_ ain't Chippendales."

JC grinned. "I'm not desperate and I've seen _'Gone In Sixty Seconds' _.__ What about the ' _Kentucky Fried_ ' thing?"

"It's great, one of the funniest movies I've seen in years, even if it _was_ made back in the seventies," Chris answered quickly, grinning. "It reminds me a lot of _'Airplane_ ' and _'Hot Shots'_ , but it's full of in-jokes you'll only get if you've seen the things they're spoofing."

"Funny is good, but if it was made in the seventies I doubt Nick and Justin would get it. What other movies do you suggest?" JC asked, grinning at Chris and pretty much ignoring the others even though Nick was obviously annoyed and Justin was giving him a pouty look.

"Depends on what you like, Jayce. We've got a little bit of everything." Chris moved into the room and around the couch to stand by Alex and look at the DVDs as he read off the names. "We've got a whole slew comedies like _'Ferris Bueller'_ and almost everything Pauly Shore has done, plus classics like _'The Breakfast Club'_ and _'Red Dawn_ '. We just got ' _Lord Of The Rings_ ' and _'Rat Race_ ' and both of them are really good."

JC walked over to sit on the couch. "Those all sound good, but I gotta admit I don't really care what we watch. A movie is a movie."

"Then you're no help," Justin said, turning back towards Lance. "C'mon, pick something."

"Why don't you three let Chris pick the movie?" Lance asked reasonably. "It _is_ his house after all."

"Don't worry about me, dude," Chris said immediately, grinning. "If I get bored with whatever y'all are watching I've got a TV in my room."

JC pouted, folding his arms across his chest. "Yeah, I see how you are. _Abandoning_ me to an evening with these four."

"Aww," Chris said as he walked over to sit next to JC, then he put an arm around JC's shoulders and leaned against him, grinning. "Don't feel that way, Jayce. You're welcome in my room __anytime_ _ you want some company."

JC's pout didn't budge as he looked at Chris. "Uh-huh, you say that _now_ , but what would you say if I come wandering in there at four am because I couldn't sleep?"

Chris smirked. "Lucky me?"

Justin and Alex both laughed at that and JC couldn't help blushing a bit as he gave Chris a little grin. "Really?"

"Sure," Chris replied, then his smirk spread into a truly wicked grin. "I'm sure we could find _something_ we wanted to do."

JC's blush deepened even further but his grin didn't fade and he didn't argue as Nick snorted and said, "Yeah, like each other."

JC's eyes widened slightly. "You did _not_ just go there."

"It's okay, Jayce." Chris gave Nick a smug look. "He's just jealous you don't wanna go to _his_ room at four in the morning."

Justin and Lance both laughed at that and Alex grinned as he said, "Alright everyone, quit pickin' at each other and pick a movie."

JC nodded, glad of the change of subject. "Yeah, put a movie in."

Justin looked at Alex and Nick, then shrugged and walked over to sit by Lance as he said, " _'Gone In Sixty Seconds_ ' is good, lets watch it."

Nick grinned at Alex and moved to sit down in a nearby chair. "He loves _me_ best."

Justin shook his head, grinning. "Nope, I know Lance probably doesn't wanna watch that so he won't be upset if I distract him."

Lance snorted. "It's a good movie, Justin. You can wait."

"But—"

"No 'buts' Justin, shut up and watch the movie," Lance said with a grin.

Justin pouted and folded his arms across his chest but did as he was told, and Chris grinned and tightened his arm around JC's shoulders just a bit, leaning closer to JC's ear as he stage-whispered, "He's whipped, isn't he?"

JC giggled and nodded, ignoring Justin's affronted look and Lance's raised eyebrows as he pulled his feet up on the couch and slid one arm around Chris' waist to lean against him.

"Yeah," Nick said then, "Lance leads him around by the balls and Jup enjoys every minute of it."

"I do not!" Lance said indignantly, making JC, Nick, and Alex laugh.

"Scoop, you _do_ ," Alex said, grinning as he put the movie in and pushed play. "But at least you don't do it on purpose."

Lance spluttered and Justin glared as Alex grabbed the remote control and walked over to the overstuffed chair Nick had already sprawled in to climb up onto his lap, sitting sideways with his feet dangling over the arm of the chair. He looked at the TV then and hit fast forward on the remote as he said, "Jup, would you get the light?"

"I got it," Chris said, then moved his arm from around JC's shoulders and JC sat up to let him get up just as Chris clapped twice, making the lights go out.

"I've always wanted one of those clapper things," JC said with a sudden grin as he moved closer to Chris again.

Chris draped his arm around JC again and shifted slightly to get more comfortable. "I like 'em, they keep me from having to stumble around in the dark."

Alex pushed play again then and JC didn't say anything in reply, instead letting his left hand rest lightly on Chris' thigh as he leaned his head against Chris' shoulder and watched as the movie begin. JC didn't notice that Lance was watching him instead of watching the movie, but Alex did and he made a mental note to tell Lance to back off again. JC was obviously enjoying himself with Chris, and Lance needed to either follow Justin's lead or else just butt out. JC was old enough to have a fling if he wanted to, and if he managed to start something that would last longer than that, well, more power to him.

Alex remembered Chris' assertion that he didn't fuck around with his guests then and smiled, looking back over at the television just as the beginning credits ended. Alex didn't think Chris was just taking advantage of the fact JC was beautiful, and he was beginning to think that just maybe JC wouldn't be going back to California with them. He thought JC's obvious feelings for Chris went both ways, and he hoped that the two of them would have the brains to realize that before the week was over.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

~ ~ 13 ~ ~

 

Lance glanced over at the couch where JC and Chris were sitting just as Otto gave Memphis the keys to a beat up '67 Shelby GT, and his eyebrows went up. JC had laid down with his head in Chris' lap and was curled up with his back to the television, one hand tucked between Chris' hip and the couch while Chris watched him sleep and stroked his hair, smiling slightly. Lance watched them in silence until the credits began and Alex turned off the DVD, climbing off Nick's lap as he said, "My choice next!"

Alex saw JC and Chris then and grinned as JC shifted closer to Chris and mumbled something that made Chris chuckle and say quietly, "You oughta go to bed."

JC rolled to his back to look up at Chris, blinking sleepily. "I'd rather stay here."

"Why?" Chris asked, brushing JC's hair back off of his forehead with a smile. "Your bed has to be a lot more comfortable than this couch."

JC shrugged slightly, not quite looking at Chris as he said, "Maybe." He looked at Chris again then and asked quietly, "Do you want me to go?"

"It's up to you, Jayce," Chris replied with a smile. "I'm not trying to get rid of you, but I think you'll be a lot more comfortable in bed. You wanted me to wake you up when I get up in the morning, and six am comes early."

Alex moved to put the DVD away and get _'The Kentucky Fried Movie'_ as JC asked, "Are you going to stay up late again tonight?"

Chris shook his head. "Nah, I didn't get much sleep last night. I was planning to turn in early."

JC looked at his watch and saw that it was only a little after nine o'clock, and then gave Chris a little grin. "Nine is definitely early."

"Yep," Chris replied with a grin of his own. "Early to bed, early to rise and all that shit."

JC chuckled and sat up, turning to set his feet back on the floor and finally look at the other guys. "G'night y'all."

There was a chorus of 'good nights' from Alex, Nick and Justin and then Lance added, "Sleep good."

JC nodded and stood up to go, trying not to grin when Chris stood to follow him. "I will, same to you. And Justin, remember there are other people in the house, okay?"

Alex put the next movie in as Justin stuck his tongue out at JC and then said, "I'm not _that_ noisy."

JC laughed and started out of the living room as he replied, "Yes, Justin, you are. One of the main reasons my stereo stays so loud at night is because there are some things I just don't want to hear a second time."

JC didn't give Justin a chance to reply before he left the room and Justin looked at Lance and asked, "Am I really that loud?"

Lance chuckled and kissed his cheek. "Yeah, sweetheart, I'm afraid so."

Chris laughed and gave them all a vague wave. "Night guys.” He walked out of the room and headed upstairs, and he was pleasantly surprised to see JC waiting for him at the door to his room. He smiled as he asked, "Did you need something?"

JC returned the smile and replied, "No, I just wanted to say good night."

"Good night," Chris said.

JC bit his lip and then stepped closer to Chris and kissed him quickly before he turned away and said, "Night," as he disappeared into his room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Chris stared at the door for a moment and then turned away and walked the short distance down the hall to his own room, grinning and looking forward to spending the day with JC again tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

JC rolled over to look at the readout of the small digital clock by the bed again and then groaned when he saw it wasn't even one o'clock yet. _'Damn cheap batteries just _had_ t_ ** __** _o run out when I couldn't sleep.'_

It had been almost an hour since his Walkman died, and several hours since he'd gone to bed, and he'd been wide awake the whole time. He had been comfortable and sleepy on the couch with Chris, but after JC had kissed him goodnight and gone into his room he hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. It had been a long time since he had kissed anyone and even longer since he had felt so comfortable with anyone but Justin, and he found himself wishing that he'd had the courage to ask Chris if he wanted some company tonight.

He sighed and flopped to his back, looking up at the ceiling in the darkness and wondering if Chris had any double A batteries. He probably did, he'd mentioned that they tried to keep things like that on hand because it was so far into town to get some when they needed them. Of course, finding out would mean going and waking Chris up, and JC really didn't want to do that because he knew Chris had been up late the night before.

JC finally threw back the sheet after another ten minutes of staring at the roof and then climbed out of bed, intending to do as Chris had told him to and make himself at home down in the den where there was a stereo. He picked up his sweats and put them on before he moved over to the dresser where he had dropped Chris' sweatshirt to put it on too. He grabbed his CDs and left his room then, glancing hopefully down the hall at Chris' door to see if the light was on but it wasn't so he walked down stairs and headed for the den.

JC put one of his CDs in the stereo and had just sat down on the couch with the remote for a few minutes later when a quiet voice from the doorway asked, "Everything okay?"

JC looked at the door, surprised to see Chris standing there shirtless in a pair of low-slung jeans that let the waistband of a pair of black boxers show. "Um, yeah, I just- My batteries died and I couldn't sleep so I came down here to listen."

Chris smiled. "We've got plenty of batteries, Jayce. What kind do you need?"

"Double A." JC kept his eyes on Chris' face even though he _really_ wanted to look at the rest of him. "What are you doing up?"

Chris shrugged and lifted one hand to brush his hair back off of his forehead. "Just doing some paperwork. I'll be right back with your batteries."

Chris turned and left the room then, and JC sat on the couch for a moment staring at nothing as he listened to the song that was playing.

 _'If I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry. And if I'm gone when you wake up, it's not goodbye. Don't look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress... Remember me, remember me, 'cause I'll be with you in your dreams.'_

JC suddenly pushed stop on the remote and stood to go take _'Middle Of Nowhere_ ' back out of the stereo, thinking that maybe it wasn't the best choice to listen to after all just as Chris walked back into the room.

"Here you go," Chris said quietly, smiling at JC as he offered him a small box of batteries. "These ought to be enough to keep your Walkman going for a while I think."

JC gave him a quick smile and nodded as he took the batteries. "Plenty, thanks." He tipped his head to the side slightly then and asked impulsively, "I thought you were going to bed early?"

Chris gave him a wry grin. "I tried but I couldn't sleep."

"Why not?" JC asked, curious.

Chris looked at JC for a moment, and then decided to tell him the truth. "I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted to be with you instead of being alone."

JC blushed and looked away as he admitted, "Same here."

Chris grinned. "You were thinking about being with you?"

JC couldn't help a slight laugh at that and he looked back at Chris. "No, I didn't want to be with _myself_."

"Well then who, Jayce?" Chris asked, still grinning.

JC's face flushed again but he didn't look away as he said quietly, "You."

Chris smiled. "Why didn't you come to my room? I told you that you're welcome anytime."

JC shrugged slightly and looked down and away again. "I, well, I didn't want you to feel like you had to let me stay or something. I mean, if you wanted me with you then you could say so, and you didn't, so..."

Chris sighed and reached out to tip JC's chin up and make him look at him and then moved his hand to rest on JC's shoulder as he said gently, "Jayce, I like having you around. I promise you I won't be the least bit unhappy if you want to be in my room with me." Chris smiled and added, "I'll even behave myself and let you sleep."

JC still looked a little hesitant. "Are you sure?"

Chris nodded and then grinned as he moved his hand from JC's shoulder to the small of his back. "Yeah, I'm sure Jayce. You need some sleep and _I_ need some sleep, and we'll both be happier together."

"Alright," JC replied with a smile.

Chris grinned and urged him towards the door. "Then you go on upstairs and I'll be there in a minute. I have to save a few things and shut down my computer."

JC nodded and gave him another smile. "No hurry." He walked down the short hallway to the living room and the stairs.

Chris went into his office again and sat down at his desk to open the Internet Explorer window he was looking at when he heard JC turn on the stereo in the den. He wanted to make sure that the money transfer he had just set up had gone through, and after clicking through a few screens on his bank's website he smiled when he saw it had. JC wasn't just a guest to him anymore, and letting him pay to stay just didn't feel right. He didn't even think about the fact that returning the money for JC's stay meant that his promise to Alex that he didn't screw around with his customers didn't apply anymore.

Chris closed out that window and then saved the other things he had been working on, pausing on one screen to finish typing out the note to himself. Steve was supposed to come up and look at the ridgeline to pick a site for Britney and Joe's house in a few days, and Chris wanted to have that day clear so he could go up there too and hear what Steve had to say.

 

* * *

 

JC put his CDs and the batteries Chris had given him on his bed and then pulled off Chris' sweatshirt as he went to the dresser to get out a lighter shirt to sleep in. He dug around a moment before he put on a snug grey tank top and then went to go use the bathroom, pausing on his way out a few moments later to look at himself in the mirror. He looked even skinnier in just the tank top and wasn't anywhere near as muscular as Chris but after a moment he turned and left the bathroom thinking that he looked okay anyway. Not great, but passable.

JC left his room and walked down the hall to Chris' door, opening it and stepping inside as he took the time to look around a moment. Chris' room was a mess compared to his own, but it was the kind of mess that made it feel lived in instead of dirty or cluttered. There was a basket of clothes on the dresser by the bathroom door and another in the floor nearby with a few clothes scattered around it that served as mute testimony that Chris wasn't too worried about making sure his dirty clothes landed in it. JC looked towards the bed then and saw a little stereo on the table next to it with a lamp and a small digital clock almost identical to the one in his room.

He moved further into the room then and looked towards the corner that had been hidden by the door to see a cabinet with a small television, several game boxes and a DVD player in it with a comfortable looking chair facing it. Next to the cabinet there were shelves against the wall within easy reach of the chair that held a wide variety of compact discs and quite a few books.

JC moved around the chair to look at the books and music then and grinned when he noticed Nintendo and Atari games piled haphazardly in the floor between the shelves and the cabinet. He remembered playing _'Pong_ ' with his friends when he was a kid, and he had gotten his butt kicked all the time. He was actually good at the old Nintendo RPGs like ' _Final Fantasy_ ' and ' _Zelda'_ but none of his friends had ever liked them so he had always played them alone, muddling through without help and exploring at his own pace until he had memorized the games. JC began humming the _'Zelda'_ music while he looked to see what kinds of books Chris liked to read, and when Chris walked into the room a few minutes later he looked up at Chris' laugh.

"Dude, you like _'Zelda'_?" Chris asked as he closed the door and then walked over to join JC.

JC nodded quickly, grinning. "Oh yeah I _love_ that game. I've played it so much it's not even funny."

Chris laughed. "Jayce, _nobody_ plays Nintendo anymore." He paused a beat and then added, "Well, except me."

JC grinned. "And me! I still play _'Zelda'_ and ' _Final Fantasy'_ pretty regularly. They're just about the only computer games I'm really any good at."

"Have you played _'Secret of Mana_ '?" Chris asked.

JC thought a moment and then shook his head. "I don't think so. Which system is it on?"

"Super," Chris replied with a quick grin. "Remind me to set it up for you sometime. If you like the old ' _Final Fantasy'_ then you'll love ' _Mana'_ I think, and _'Secret Of Evermore'_ too. They're both multiplayer games so it'll be easy for me to help you along at first."

JC nodded, grinning. "Cool, thanks."

Chris grinned and then turned to walk towards the bathroom he shared with Britney. "I don't know about you, Jayce, but I hope to be asleep by one-thirty. Why don't you find us something to listen to?"

"Okay," JC replied and then moved over to the bed, trying not to think too much about what he was doing as he added, "I wanted to be asleep hours ago, so that sounds good to me." JC picked up the stack of discs off the stereo and started going through them, smiling and putting the others down as soon as he saw his favorite album by the Police. He opened the case and then pushed eject to take out the CD that was in and put _'Synchronicity'_ in, closing the disc drawer and the empty case before he shuffled through the other cases to find the one of the CD that he'd taken out.

JC was just closing the case when Chris asked quietly, "Find anything?"

JC looked towards the sound of Chris' voice to find that he had taken off his jeans and was wearing just his boxers, leaving his muscular legs and chest bare and making JC wonder if all ranchers looked so good. JC finally noticed Chris' smirk after almost a minute and looked quickly back at the stereo, nodding and blushing furiously as he put _'14:59'_ down with the other CDs. "Um, ' _Synchronicity'_. It's one of my favorites."

Chris grinned and walked over to stand close to JC, resting one hand on his back and reaching past him to push play with the other. "You've got good taste."

"Thanks," JC said, doing his best to ignore the fact his face was still flaming and that Chris was standing right next to him. "So do you."

"I know," Chris said smugly.

JC couldn't help a little smile. "Conceited, much?"

"Nope," Chris replied cheerfully, "completely convinced." JC chuckled slightly at that as Chris moved to lean over the bed, tossing back the covers before he climbed onto the bed and flopped down on his side facing JC and giving JC a quirky little grin. "C'mon Jayce, turn off the lamp and get in bed. I won't bite."

JC nodded and turned off the light, standing there just a second before he made a decision and quickly took off his sweatpants to get into bed in just his boxers and tank top. He laid down on his side facing Chris and chewed at his lip nervously, watching Chris' face in the darkness for a moment before he asked softly, "Do you, um, mind if I, well, touch you?"

"Go for it, Jayce," Chris said with a smile. "I told you before that I don't mind."

"Well _yeah_ ," JC replied wryly, "but that was a little different. We were like, _dressed_."

Chris chuckled and sat up to reach for the sheet and comforter that he had tossed to the foot of the bed. He pulled the covers up over them and then settled back down and smiled at JC. "It'll be fine, Jayce, I promise. Just get comfortable."

JC looked at him a moment more and then scooted closer to Chris, laying his head on Chris' left shoulder and draping one arm across his waist as he asked softly, "Is this okay?"

"Much better than okay," Chris replied, rubbing his left hand slowly against JC's back and smiling as he felt him begin to relax.

JC shifted a little closer, smiling slightly against Chris' shoulder as he whispered, "Yeah." He closed his eyes to listen to the music, opening them again in surprise when Chris began to sing along quietly. JC smiled and closed his eyes again, listening to Chris sing along until he fell asleep.

" _'I have only come here seeking knowledge, things they wouldn't teach me of in college. I can see the destiny you sold, turned into a shining band of gold... I'll be wrapped around your finger_.'"

Chris' voice faded away as soon as he was sure JC was asleep, and his hand stopped moving a few minutes later as he too drifted off to sleep.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

~ ~ 14 ~ ~

 

Britney wandered into the kitchen around seven the next morning only to find that there wasn't any coffee, which meant Chris wasn't up yet. If there was one thing she hated it was waking up and having to wait for her coffee, so she grumbled to herself the whole time she was measuring rich-smelling grounds into the filter and filling the reservoir with water. It only took a minute or two to get the coffee brewing though, and soon she was headed back upstairs to go wake Chris up, quite sure he'd forgotten to set his alarm again and unreasoningly happy that she would get to chase him out of bed. She didn't bother knocking on his door before she opened it and she was halfway across the room before she realized that Chris had company and stopped in surprise to stare at the bed.

Sometime during the night JC or Chris had kicked off the blanket and they were covered only by a sheet that rode low across JC's back and bared Chris' boxer-clad hip as Britney's interested eyes took in how they looked together. JC was still wearing a tank top and laying draped half across Chris with his cheek resting between Chris' shoulder blades and one arm wrapped around Chris' waist, while Chris was sprawled on his stomach with one hand hanging off the edge of the bed and one knee pulled up almost to his elbow. Both of them were breathing slow and deep, obviously sound asleep with expressions on their faces that made it equally obvious to Britney that they were completely relaxed with each other which, in Chris' case at least, amazed her.

Britney let her eyes linger on Chris' face as her mind wandered back to when she had met him, several years ago. She had hitched a ride into town one day with nothing more than the clothes on her back and gone to ask for a job at Belle's diner. Chris happened to be there and listened attentively as Belle asked Britney why she needed a job at only fifteen, and Brit had explained that her dad had hit her and she wasn't staying there to let him do it again. Before Belle could say anything else Chris had offered her a job cooking for him, promising her she'd have her own room out on the ranch and he'd pay all her expenses, plus give her a modest paycheck every week and let her ride his horses. Britney, who was understandably wary of a man she didn't know offering to let her live with him, had immediately assumed he had an ulterior motive and said as much. Chris and Belle both had gotten a good laugh out of that, and once Belle had explained to Britney just exactly why that was so funny, Britney had taken the job.

Chris had taken her straight to McDowell's and bought her some clothes to wear even though she tried insisting she could make do with what she had until her first paycheck, and on the way home he had laid down the rules for living in his house. Chris told her he would treat her just like she was one of his little sisters, and that meant there would be no boys allowed in her room without permission, no alcohol or drugs, and she'd be home by midnight unless she let him know beforehand she would be late. He had gone on to say he didn't expect her to be a saint but that he didn't want her doing anything more than kissing in his house until she was eighteen, and that he expected her to stay safe if she chose to have sex someplace else. Britney agreed to all the rules – she really had no other choice – and when they got to the ranch he had parked the truck behind the house and then told her that she could consider the place home as long as she needed it.

It had floored Britney then that a complete stranger invited her into his home and made her part of his family, but as Chris told her about himself over the next few weeks it had begun to make more sense. Chris had gone way beyond the call of duty, even lying on a few enrollment forms when it was time for school to start again, saying she was his youngest sister so he could get Britney in school via computer because they were so far out of town. He had quickly become the older brother Britney never had and she had been around him every day ever since, and even though he trusted her and Joe and several of his friends in the area, she had never seen him let anyone as close to him as she was.

Britney didn't know a lot about the guy Chris was with before Howie, but she suspected he had hurt Chris and knew that Chris had a deeply seated hatred of any man who used his strength against anything that couldn't or wouldn't fight back. She also knew from their many talks while snowed in that first winter that Chris didn't really like people touching him, especially men, and she had seen for herself that he was wary enough that he kept even Howie and Joe, the only two men she had ever seen Chris hug, at arm's length most of the time.

Chris had slept with Howie a few times over the years, yeah, but Britney was almost certain Chris wouldn't have let Howie hold him down like JC was. The last time Howie had showed up to put the moves on Chris, Britney had overheard Chris tell him that he didn't need or want a pity fuck. Howie hadn't shared Chris' room even once since then, even though he had visited quite a few times after that and had even made it blindingly obvious he wanted to hook up with Chris again. Chris didn't encourage Howie to touch him at all anymore when he visited, and Britney was pretty sure it wasn't only because Howie usually had some cute younger guy in tow.

Britney moved a little closer to the foot of the bed to watch them sleep while music she vaguely recognized as being from the eighties played quietly, thinking about all the people that had passed through their home in the last five years. There had been hundreds, she was sure, and she couldn't think of anyone who might have been better suited to Chris and life on the mountain than JC seemed to be. She had never been able to say that about Howie. Howie was a city boy who thought riding horses in the mountains was romantic, but mucking stalls and working on a ranch definitely wasn't. He had spent most of his time on the computer or sleeping when he had visited Chris more often back during the early days when they were still dating, and even when Howie was there the two of them hadn't really spent a lot of time together.

Chris turned his head then as he shifted in his sleep, and when Britney saw his slight soft smile, a grin slowly spread across her face. Chris had known JC less than two days but he had obviously already given JC his trust, something Britney knew was even harder for Chris to give than his heart. As far as Britney was concerned that meant that JC was as good as family, and she would do whatever she had to do to see that JC stayed with them.

After watching them sleep a little while longer she finally glanced at the clock, then stared at it in surprise as she realized she had been watching them almost half an hour. She moved quickly over to the window to open the thick drapes and let in the morning sun, then went to the stereo and turned it off. She knew from long experience that the lack of music would wake Chris up pretty quickly, but she was surprised when JC made a low noise and mumbled something unintelligible even before Chris opened his eyes to look at her.

Chris blinked blearily a couple of times and then groaned and buried his face in his pillow as he mumbled, "G'way girl, th' alarm hasn't gone off yet."

Britney couldn't help a little giggle. "You forgot to set it again, it's already after eight."

Chris groaned again as JC opened his eyes and looked at Britney for a long moment, obviously still mostly asleep as Britney grinned at him. He blinked his eyes as though trying to focus them several times before he finally seemed to recognize her and blushed bright red, hiding his face against Chris' back as he said softly, "Oh God, tell me I'm dreaming."

Chris chuckled slightly and turned his head to look at Brit, his eyes twinkling merrily as he finally woke up completely and moved the hand that had been hanging off the bed to rub JC's arm where it was still wrapped around his waist. "You can go away now, Brat, we're awake."

"Maybe, but—" Britney started with a smirk, but Chris cut her off.

"No buts, girl. Get your pretty little ass out of here and go bug somebody else. We'll be down in a little while and I want some grub on the table, I'm starving."

Britney grinned and moved towards the door. "Okay, okay, I'm going. Breakfast will be in about an hour, I'm going to fix biscuits and gravy."

"We'll be there," Chris replied just before the door shut behind Britney again, then he felt JC pull away. Chris rolled over then and resettled comfortably on his side facing JC, smiling and reaching to brush an errant curl off JC's forehead as he said quietly, "G'morning, beautiful."

JC smiled back and scooted a bit closer to Chris, blushing as he replied softly, "Mornin'."

Chris smiled and looked at JC for a long moment as he stroked JC's hair, then he asked, "Sleep good?"

JC nodded immediately, smiling even wider. "Slept great."

"Me too," Chris admitted softly before he slowly slid his hand from JC's hair down over his arm and side to rest at his waist, drawing a low noise from JC that wasn't quite a moan or a purr but instead somewhere in between. "It was a nice change."

JC nodded, shifting a little closer again without even seeming to notice he was moving. "I know what you mean. I've spent a lot of time lying awake at night listening to music, and then if I did fall asleep I had nightmares or woke up again really easily." JC suddenly gave him a shy smile. "I slept better with you than I think I ever have though. I haven't slept more than a few hours at a time in years."

Chris' thumb began to rub small circles against JC's waist. "I'm glad." Chris gave him a soft smile as he went on, "Maybe fresh air and exercise will help get everything straightened out for you again."

JC returned the smile and leaned even closer as he whispered, "I think something – or some _one_ – already has." He kissed Chris then, a sweet gentle press of lips that left them both wanting more when he finally pulled away to look seriously into Chris' eyes. "I can't remember ever being as happy as I am with you. I keep waiting to find out you eat live kittens for breakfast or something."

Chris laughed and shook his head, grinning. "No baby, no kittens for breakfast around here. We stick to the more mundane things like bacon and eggs, or biscuits and gravy if we get really lucky." Chris' grin softened into a slightly sappy smile. "I have to admit I'm pretty damn happy myself, though. Maybe we both finally got lucky and found the right person."

"The one we should have been with all along you mean," JC said quietly, returning the smile. "Like we were talking about the other night."

Chris nodded, propping himself up on one elbow while the thumb of his other hand continued absently stroking JC's waist, brushing across bare skin just under the edge of JC's tank top. "Right. We had to fuck it up royally so we'd really appreciate when we got it right." Chris leaned forward and kissed JC, sucking his lower lip gently for a moment before he pulled away a few inches and whispered, "Kissing you feels more right than anything I've ever done."

JC nodded, smiling as he kissed Chris again, opening his mouth as soon as he felt Chris' tongue against his upper lip to allow Chris to explore his mouth. JC moaned softly into the kiss as Chris sucked on his tongue a moment later, and when he nudged JC onto his back JC went very willingly, pulling Chris after him. Chris slid one knee between JC's legs as he moved over him, groaning soft and low into JC's mouth at the feeling of JC's thighs spreading and then moving together again to close around his leg, effectively holding on. Chris slipped his free hand up under JC's tank top then, his fingertips lightly stroking JC's skin as they slowly explored up over the ridges of his ribcage, and JC was making soft little encouraging noises in the back of his throat by the time Chris' thumb encountered a nipple. JC immediately arched his back, pushing up into the touch, and then moved slowly under Chris as he licked deeper into Chris' mouth, drawing a deep groan from Chris as he lifted his hips to rub his erection against Chris' thigh.

Chris broke the kiss then to lick and nibble his way along JC's jaw and throat, rocking his hips gently against JC's and speaking quietly between kisses. "You taste... _so_ ... _fucking_ ... _good_. Just want ... to kiss you ... and ... lick you ... _all_ over ... and ... suck you ... until ... you ... _scream_."

JC opened his mouth to reply but moaned instead when Chris bit the side of his throat, closing his eyes as Chris sucked strongly for a moment before he gently swirled his tongue across the suddenly sensitive skin. When JC found the ability to speak again a moment later he whispered, "Please do."

"Do what, baby?" Chris murmured against his neck, licking and nibbling at already reddened skin.

JC shuddered under him, lifting his hips towards Chris again as he tangled his fingers in Chris' short hair. "Anything. Everything."

Chris groaned and sucked at the mark on JC's neck again before he lifted his head to look down at him, his brown eyes nearly black with desire as he watched JC's eyes slowly flutter open. Chris waited until stormy blue eyes cleared a bit and he was sure JC was capable of thinking before he said softly, "If it's too soon, say so, baby. I don't want to push you into having sex with me."

"I don't want to have sex," JC replied softly, stroking Chris' hair.

Chris nodded and tried not to let his disappointment show as he started to pull away. "I understand."

JC shook his head, tightening his arms around Chris and keeping him from moving away. "No you don't, not yet." Chris settled back over JC, looking confused, and JC leaned up to give him a tender kiss before he smiled at him and said calmly, "Sex is what happens when two people decide to get off together. I want a lot more than that, Chris, and I hope you do too."

Chris suddenly smiled and leaned down to give JC a deep, hungry kiss before he pulled away to look at him again. "I do, Jayce, more than I've wanted anything in a long, _long_ time." Chris pulled away completely then and moved to sit on the edge of the bed facing JC. "And I think we should go slow and do this right, okay?"

JC sat up too, scooting closer and leaning to kiss Chris. "Okay." He gave him a beautiful smile and then asked softly, "Do you care if the others know, though? It'll be hard to hide how I feel, but I'll do my best if you want me to."

Chris snorted and shook his head, reaching to take JC's left hand in both of his own. "I don't care _who_ knows, Jayce. I want you to do and say whatever you get the urge to, okay?"

JC nodded again, beaming. "Okay." He leaned forward again and kissed Chris fleetingly on the lips, then he grinned at him and added, "But you might get tired of me kissing you and touching you all the time."

"Not a prayer of it," Chris answered confidently, "I will _never_ get tired of knowing you care about me."

JC suddenly sobered and searched Chris' eyes for a moment before he said, "It's a lot more than just caring for you, Chris. I think I've fallen in love with you."

"God, I hope so," Chris replied with a sudden happy grin. "It'd get kind of depressing, being in love all by myself." JC laughed and kissed him again, moaning when Chris slipped his tongue in to flutter against JC's a second before he pulled away and smirked at him. "I'd love to stay here with you, baby— Do you mind if I call you baby?"

JC shook his head quickly, smiling happily. "I love it."

Chris grinned. "Great. Anyway, as I was saying, I'd _love_ to stay in bed with you all day, baby, but I've got a barn full of horses that I'm _sure_ are already pissed because breakfast is late."

JC giggled and scooted closer to the edge of the bed. "Just give me a few minutes to get dressed and I'll help feed."

Chris laughed and said feelingly, "There's gotta be a law, I'm tellin' you." He jumped to his feet, offering JC a hand up even though he knew he didn't need it. "You're too damn perfect to be legal."

JC blushed and let Chris pull him to his feet and then into his arms before he gave him a hug and a sweet smile as he said softly, "I could say the same about you, you're amazing."

Chris laughed and kissed JC's cheek, giving him a quick squeeze before he let go and turned to walk towards his bathroom. "I love hearin' that, baby, even if you are fulla shit."

JC laughed, surprised, and then said indignantly, "I am not!"

Chris just snorted and disappeared into the bathroom, which made JC suddenly realize he really had to go himself. JC headed out of Chris' room then, stepping out into the hall and closing the door before he walked quickly to his own room and disappeared inside. He was so intent on getting to his own bathroom that he completely missed the fact Lance and Justin had stopped at the opposite end of the hall just outside the door to their room, watching in shock.

"Tell me I did _not_ just see that," Lance said, his voice full of disbelief.

"Did you think you saw Josh leavin' Kirkpatrick's room with a hard-on?" Justin asked.

Lance nodded, still staring wide-eyed at JC's closed door. "In his underwear even."

"Huh, I thought I was seein' things." Justin cocked his head a moment, looking at nothing, then he suddenly smirked and started down the hall again. " _Go Josh_!"

Lance made a strangled noise and followed Justin, hoping that JC knew what he was doing.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

~ ~ 15 ~ ~

 

JC walked out of his bathroom with a towel around his waist barely five minutes later, his damp hair hanging limply along his cheeks and down his neck as he hummed softly, grinning. When he noticed Justin sitting on the bed waiting for him he stopped suddenly, falling silent. He gave Justin's knowing smirk a wary look, then continued to the dresser to find clothes for the day.

Justin watched him quickly dig out a pair of briefs, jeans and one of Justin's old t-shirts before JC finally looked at Justin again and said, "Spit it out, Justin."

Justin's smirk widened into a grin as he pulled one knee up, resting one elbow on it. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

JC looked at Justin for a moment, then turned away slightly and dropped the towel to dress quickly, keeping a straight face for all of thirty seconds before a sappy little smile appeared and he nodded.

Justin leaned forward, shifting to sit Indian style in the middle of the bed as he watched Josh get dressed and waited expectantly, but JC didn't say anything more and he finally had to ask. "Well?! What _happened_? Did you _finally_ get laid?"

JC turned beet red and stopped buttoning the fly of his jeans as he half-turned to give Justin a wide-eyed look. "Is that _any_ of your business?!"

"Uh-huh," Justin said with a nod, still grinning and completely unfazed by JC's indignation. "I love you, and I wanna know if he makes you happy."

JC stared at Justin a moment longer, then looked down and continued to button the fly on his jeans. " _Yes_ , he makes me happy, and _no_ , I did not get laid, we just slept together."

"Cool," Justin said, still grinning. "So why didn't you go for it? He's hot in a weird punky-cowboy sort of way."

JC laughed softly and then blushed, smiling in silence as he finished buttoning his jeans before he grabbed his over-sized t-shirt and then pulled it on as he crossed the room towards the bed. "Justin, he's _not_ weird! Chris is just, he's _amazing_ , and he wants to take things slow." JC flopped down on the edge of the bed near Justin and bent to reach for his loafers to put them on, the movement giving Justin a very good look at the nearly purple mark at the base of JC’s throat.

Justin grinned and reached out to gently run one finger over the bruise as JC put on one of his shoes. "But he still bites."

JC blushed, unable to help a sappy grin as he looked down and pulled on his other shoe. "Yeah."

Justin grinned and scooted closer to JC, leaning up against his shoulder as he said softly, "And you liked it."

JC nodded, still blushing as the sappy grin spread a bit wider. "A lot. I just, when I'm in his arms I feel safe and loved, you know?"

Justin lifted one hand to run his fingers through JC's damp hair, smiling as he nodded. "Yeah, I think I do."

"It just feels so right." JC looked at him finally then, searching Justin's eyes as he asked, "Am I doing the right thing, J?"

"Does he make you happy?" Justin asked in reply, his fingers still toying with JC's hair.

JC nodded, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "Very. I— I care about him more than I ever thought I'd love anyone. I'm falling in love with him Justin, I know it as well as I know my name, and he says he's fallen for me, too."

Justin grinned and leaned forward to kiss JC's forehead, then pulled JC into his arms to whisper against his ear, "I'm so happy for you, sweetheart."

JC slipped his arms around Justin and held on tightly, smiling as he pressed his face against Justin's neck. "I knew you would be. I'm— I'm happy for me too."

They didn't hear the door to JC's room open as Justin chuckled softly and then whispered into JC's hair, "Love you."

Chris watched them, his expression surprised and a little unhappy as JC squeezed Justin tighter and said, "Love you too, Justin. Always will. You're my baby brother."

Chris' expression cleared and he took a step back, pulling the door closed silently as Justin nodded against JC's hair, smiling as he said, "I sure am."

JC lifted his head to smile at Justin just as Chris knocked on the door, and JC immediately grinned and let go of Justin, turning towards the door. "Come in!"

Chris opened the door again and stuck his head inside, giving JC a grin when he saw how happy he looked to see him. "You ready yet, Jayce?"

"Yep!" JC nodded and bounced up off the bed, reaching out to ruffle Justin's hair and looking at Chris as he added, "We should still have time to feed before breakfast."

Chris nodded and stepped into the room, grinning as he watched Justin duck away from JC's hand and then reach out to tickle him, making JC giggle and move away quickly. "Plenty of time," Chris said then, watching as JC walked towards him. "With you helping me, feeding'll only take ten minutes or so."

JC stopped close to Chris, resting both hands on his waist as he kissed him quickly, then he grinned. "Then let's go get it over with, I'm starving."

Chris slid one arm around JC and pulled him closer, grinning as he leaned in and kissed his throat, then he tugged JC towards the door. "C'mon, babe. The horses are probably having a hissyfit because their grain is late."

JC let Chris tug him out of the room as he grinned over his shoulder at Justin and waved with his free hand. "See you later."

"Sure," Justin replied with a grin, and then looked down at the bed for a second, picking at the comforter and thinking about how JC had lit up when Chris walked in.

When he stood to go downstairs a few minutes later he was beaming and wondering how long it would take Lance to start badgering him with questions. Lance would, there was no doubt in Justin's mind, and Nick and Alex were just as nosy even though they usually didn't ask. Justin had asked Nick about that once and he had just smirked and said he didn't need to, he could just wait for Justin to tell him.

Justin had laughed at the time, but he had to admit to himself it was true. Nick knew more about him than anyone except JC, even more than Lance did.

 

* * *

 

JC let Chris go first as they walked down the stairs, and by the time they got to the kitchen he was thinking he _really_ liked the jeans Chris was wearing. They were an older pair that Chris had obviously ridden quite a lot in since they were worn thin and supple on his butt and along the insides of his legs, and they fit like a second skin too, leaving very little to the imagination. JC's imagination was running rampant anyway though, and by the time they got to the kitchen he was glad his jeans were baggy and that his t-shirt was long. Lance was going to give him enough trouble about Chris that JC really didn't want to listen to the others picking on him about being horny too.

Joey, Lance, and Alex were sitting at the table when JC and Chris walked into the kitchen, and Chris grinned and waved in their general direction. "Mornin', guys."

JC nodded and wondered where Brit was as he smiled and said, "Yeah, g'morning."

Chris ducked into the pantry without waiting for any kind of reply from the three at the table as he asked, "Babe? You like chocolate chips or peanut butter more?"

Lance had been watching them closely since they came in, and when he heard Chris call JC 'babe' his eyebrows went up and he looked at Alex, who was smirking. Lance looked back over at JC then to see that he looked a little confused but was still smiling happily, and there was a sparkle in his eyes that Lance hadn't seen in a long time. JC looked happy, _really_ happy, but the 'babe' thing worried Lance. He didn't want JC getting in over his head before they left, and he was pretty sure JC already was.

JC moved to stand by the door to the pantry. "Chocolate chips, why?"

Chris came back out, grinning as he handed JC a granola bar and then opened one for himself. "Cause you need to eat something."

JC gave him a bemused look as Britney walked into the kitchen, going straight to the stove to check the gravy as she and said, "Breakfast will be ready in half an hour, Chris."

Chris snorted as he walked to the refrigerator, and JC was still bemused as he said, "I can wait that long, I don't need a snack."

Chris took out a can of Barqs, closing the door of the fridge with his hip as he turned back towards JC. "A little extra food won't hurt you, baby, I promise."

JC made a face and stuck his tongue out at Chris, but he opened the granola bar and then took a bite of it as Chris opened his drink. JC chewed quickly and then grinned at Chris. "Hey, this is good!"

Chris grinned and took a drink of his root beer, then handed it to JC and put his now-empty hand on JC's back, taking a bite of his own granola bar and then steering JC towards the back door. "Of _course_ it's good, I have excellent taste."

JC took a drink and then smirked suddenly as Chris opened the door for him. "You do, don't you?"

JC stepped outside then and Chris laughed and followed him instead of answering, closing the door behind him as Britney turned her back to the stove and grinned at Joey, who was already beaming.

"See, Joe!" Britney said with a bright-eyed grin, "I told you! They were so _adorable_ together this morning."

Joey grinned. "That's great, he's been alone up here for too damn long."

Britney nodded vigorously, beaming. "And JC is _perfect_ for him, he's so sweet and fun and _loves_ the horses, and they're _so_ cute together."

Alex was grinning as he turned his head to look at Lance then, but he frowned when he saw Lance's unhappy expression. "Lance, what's wrong _now_?"

Lance worried at his upper lip with his teeth for a moment, and then asked quietly, "What happens when our week is over and it's time for us all to go home?"

Justin spoke from the doorway before Alex could answer, grinning as he walked into the kitchen. "We tell Josh goodbye and promise to send him his things and visit him when we can."

Britney giggled, nodding as she turned to stir the gravy, but Lance frowned even more, looking at Justin. "What'd he tell you?"

Justin walked over to sit down at the table next to Joe and across from Alex, refusing to take the empty chair Lance had left between himself and Chris' chair in an obvious attempt to get Justin to take JC's seat. "That he's happy, and that's all we need to know. Josh hasn't been this happy in _years_..." Justin trailed off, smiling, and then added, "You should have seen how he lit up when Chris walked into his room, it was like someone flipped a switch or something."

Britney spoke from the stove then, nodding as she said, "They looked really happy when I woke them up this morning, all cuddled up together and smiling in their sleep."

"Who wouldn't be happy to get JC in their bed?" Lance asked then, looking at Britney. "Just because Chris likes doing a completely beautiful man _anyone_ with sense would love to have and calls him 'babe' doesn't mean he truly cares. Josh has been through enough, he doesn't need his heart stomped on again."

Alex rolled his eyes and was about to say something when Britney walked quickly over to stand behind the empty chair next to Joey, frowning at Lance and looking annoyed. "Chris doesn't _do_ that. I've been living with him since not long after he bought the place, and he's never – not _once!_ – slept with a guest. The only person he's fooled around with since I met him is Howie, and _that's_ been over for years!"

Joey nodded, adding, "Chris doesn't think with his dick man, he's been alone so long he doesn't even _notice_ when people hit on him. He's not stringin' your friend on, I'd bet cash money on it. If Chris is sleeping with him and calling him 'baby' then there is some genuine feeling there."

Lance opened his mouth to reply as Justin said quietly, "They're in love."

Lance stared at Justin in shock. "How can they be in _love_?! They haven't even known each other _two days_ yet!"

Justin gave Lance an unreadable look, and then said quietly and calmly, "I knew I loved you within two hours of meeting you, and so did Josh."

Lance looked a little taken aback by that, then shook his head. "That's differ—"

"How is it different?" Justin interrupted, frowning. "Josh has spent the last day and a half with Chris almost all the time, talked to him a hell of a lot more than you talked to me the first _week_ I knew you, _and_ he slept in Chris' bed last night. They have a lot in common – more than you and I do, by _far_ – and they've both been alone too long and _need_ someone."

Lance looked at Justin for a long moment, frowning. "So what do they have in common?"

Justin started ticking things off on his fingers. "Horses, loving the outdoors, music, thinking alike, similar tastes in just about _everything_ as far as I've seen, _and_ they both are falling in love and admitted it."

"Whoa, dude!" Joey said with a huge grin. "Chris said he was falling in love?!"

Justin nodded. "Josh said he told Chris that he was falling in love with him, and Chris said he had fallen already."

Britney bounced in place, giggling as Joey beamed and said, “Good for them.”

Lance frowned at Justin. "It's easy to _say_ you're falling for someone. How does Josh know he wasn't just saying it?"

Justin snorted and gave Lance a level look. "If he was just saying it he would have fucked Josh instead of just sleeping with him." He frowned then as he added, "And if you give them a ration of shit about this, Lance, I'll never forgive you." Lance's eyes widened indignantly at that and he opened his mouth to argue but Justin went on without a pause. "I've watched Josh mope around our house for the last six months like a dead man walking, and I love him _way_ too much to let anyone – even you, baby – fuck it up for him now that he finally feels alive again." Justin stood and walked quickly to the back door, closing it behind him before Lance could find his voice.

Lance started to stand up to follow him but Alex grabbed his arm and pulled him back down in his chair as he said firmly, "Let him go, Lance."

Lance sat back down and looked at Alex for a long moment then, his green eyes obviously afraid and shining a bit more than normal as he finally said softly, "I— I'd never hurt Josh. You know that, right?"

Alex sighed. "Lance, didn't you listen to me at _all_ yesterday? Leave Josh alone, and leave Chris alone, and let them have this chance. If it doesn't work out, then _fine_ , Josh will go home with us and go back to hiding from the world and we'll all go back to trying to get him to want to live. If it _does_ work out, then Josh will have a man who loves him and a beautiful home far away from all the rumors and all the things that remind him of Ryan with great people who'll take care of him." Alex looked at Britney and then at Joey and asked, "We can trust you to do that, right?"

Britney nodded quickly, smiling as Joey chuckled and said, "Alex, buddy, Chris may not be a big guy, but he's hell on wheels if you mess with someone he cares about. Josh won't need us to help take care of him if he stays, he'll have Chris."

"Will there be trouble with the locals because Josh is gay?" Lance asked softly, still obviously upset but now much subdued. "He— He doesn't hide it well." Alex laughed and then Lance corrected himself, "Or at all, really."

Britney laughed. "Lance, honey, what do you think Chris is?"

Lance's eyebrows went up. "He's not bi?"

Joey gave them a wry look. "I'm the only one around here that could really be called bi, and that's more because I'll do just about anything when I'm drunk than it is because I like guys."

Alex laughed as Britney giggled and put one arm around Joey's shoulders, leaning down to kiss his temple before she said, "Don't worry, honey. I'll come keep those nasty men away from your fine ass next time you go partying with the boys."

Joey snorted. "And who's gonna keep them away from _your_ hot little ass?"

Britney smirked and turned to walk back towards the stove. "I kept _you_ away from it until I had a ring, honey. I think I can handle your buddies."

Joey made a face at Britney's back as Alex chuckled softly and said, "Sounds like she's got your number, man."

Joey looked over at Alex and grinned. "Yeah, she does, she knows it."

Britney turned her head to grin over her shoulder at them. "And he doesn't ask for anyone else's number anymore, ain't that right, honey?"

"I never had to _ask,_ babydoll, but now I don't even accept them," Joey replied, grinning at her.

Lance spoke up quietly then, looking at Alex. "I want Josh to be happy, I just don't want him hurt again. I don't think he could take it." Lance looked down at the table and added very softly, "And losing him would kill us."

Alex put his hand on Lance's back, rubbing gently. "You won't lose him, Poof, I'm sure of it. Chris knows that Ryan ripped Josh's heart out and stomped on it, and that Josh tried to kill himself because he couldn't take it." Joey looked over quickly at Britney, surprised, but Alex ignored them as he went on calmly, "Chris promised me he wouldn't hurt him, and I really think we can trust him."

Lance nodded, not looking up as he said quietly, "Okay. I just, I hope y'all are right."

Alex smiled reassuringly at Lance. "I'm a good judge of men, Poof, trust me."

Lance couldn't help a tiny laugh at that, then looked at Alex. "All your old boyfriends who didn't work out notwithstanding, right?"

Alex grinned. "Exactly!"

 

* * *

 

Justin stood on the back porch for a couple of minutes, looking at the barn in silence and thinking before he started quickly towards it. He was sure Chris was exactly what JC needed, he could feel it, but Lance's doubts made him doubt himself enough that he wanted to see Chris and JC together again to be sure. Justin walked into the barn to see JC leaning against the doorframe of the feed room talking to Chris, and he stopped to listen to them.

"If you want to ride, you've got to have boots, no exceptions," Chris said firmly, his tone obviously fond as he spoke over the soft sound of feed being poured into buckets.

JC shifted in the doorway, pouting. "I can't help it my boots are so old they couldn't take a little rain. You know I want to _ride,_ Chris, I love it."

Chris was silent a moment. "Well, we could drive into town after breakfast and get you another pair, McDowell's has some decent boots and I have a few errands I could run. Otherwise you're not riding any more, babe. It's just too easy for other kinds of shoe to slip through a stirrup."

Justin watched JC expecting him to pout even more because he didn't want to go to town, but JC surprised him by saying firmly, "So we go to town then. You said you need to go anyway, right?" Chris didn't say anything Justin could hear in reply, but JC beamed as he leaned into the feed room to grab two buckets and said, "Great!"

Justin heard Chris chuckle then as JC turned to carry the feed buckets towards the stalls, and when JC saw Justin he gave him a bright grin. "Hey Jup, breakfast ready?"

Justin shook his head and smiled at JC, watching him carry the feed across the aisle and then set one bucket down outside the first stall. "Nah, just wanted to come see if I can help."

JC grinned over his shoulder at Justin and then walked into the stall to feed Hank. "You could set the buckets outside the stalls they go to, if you want."

Justin nodded and walked over to the feed room, giving Chris a quick smile as Chris handed him a bucket and Chris said, "This one goes to the third stall," then handed him another, "and this goes to the fourth."

Justin grinned and nodded, holding each up in turn as he said, "Third and fourth."

Chris grinned back at him and turned to fill two more buckets as Justin turned to walk to the other stalls, catching sight of JC disappearing into the second stall. They continued like that for the next five minutes, Justin carrying buckets to the stalls while JC fed the horses quickly, then Justin walked along the rows of stalls and picked up the empty buckets as Chris carried Demon's feed towards his stall.

Demon had been fussing and acting up since they got to the barn, and JC moved to meet Chris near the door his stall, looking worried. "Will he behave for you? He seems pretty pissed this morning."

Chris paused outside the stall to watch the stallion for a moment. "He is, I didn't come back out to let him out last night and he hates being locked up. I might have to run him outside to feed him, I can't hold him and the bucket too, he won't let me."

JC bit his lip and moved closer to Chris, putting one hand on his elbow. "Can I help? Put the feed in his bucket while you hold him maybe?"

Chris looked at JC, obviously surprised. "You sure you wanna try that, baby? I know he scares you."

JC nodded. "If you're holding him it'll be okay. I'll only take a second to dump his feed and get back out."

Chris looked thoughtfully into the stall for a long moment, and then made a decision and nodded. "That'd be a big help, baby," he said with a smile. "Thanks."

Justin put the empty buckets in the feed room and was walking back down the aisle to join them as JC smiled back and reached to take the bucket and then moved back a little as Chris opened the stall door.

"Come, Demon," Chris said firmly, watching the stallion as Demon tossed his head and snorted, half-rearing before he started forward, his head up and ears pricked. Chris frowned as the stallion stopped next to him, but Demon seemed calm and let him grab his halter with no problem so Chris backed him back into the stall, putting Demon's rump to the corner furthest from the feed bucket. "Okay, get it over with."

JC walked quickly into the stall, not even looking at Demon as he hurried to the feed bucket, and he had just dumped the feed into it when Demon reared and jerked out of Chris' hand, lunging towards JC with pinned ears.

"Dammit, Demon!" Chris said loudly, more scared than mad and thinking letting JC in the stall was the stupidest thing he had done in a very long time.

JC shrank back against the wall next to the feed bucket as Demon stopped almost nose to nose with JC to snort in his face. JC closed his eyes, seemingly just waiting for the stallion to attack him.

Chris circled around the stallion's hindquarters towards the stall door. "Just hold still, baby. I'm coming."

JC opened his eyes and looked at the stallion then as Demon pawed with one front hoof, barely brushing JC's leg. "I'm okay, Chris," JC said shakily, "he's not hurting me."

When JC didn't react, Demon pawed at him again, this time hitting his leg just below the knee hard enough to bruise.

JC flinched and then took a slow sidestep along the wall towards Chris. Demon whirled to put his rump towards JC like he was going to kick him then and JC instinctively tossed the empty feed bucket at the stallion, spooking him forward as JC moved the last few steps to Chris, who quickly pulled him out of the stall and slammed the door while Justin watched, frozen in shock.

"You're okay." Chris wrapped both arms around JC and held him close as JC hid his face against his neck, trembling. Chris slowly rubbed JC's back, tightening his arms around him when he felt JC jump at an angry snort from the stall. There was a loud crack barely a breath later as Demon smashed the bucket, but neither of them turned to look as Chris just held JC, vivid memories of being attacked by the stallion running through his mind. Chris finally found his voice after a few minutes and whispered softly into JC's ear, "I'm so sorry, baby."

JC lifted his head, shaking it at Chris as he pushed away his fear, wanting to reassure Chris. "It wasn't your fault, I suggested it."

Chris rubbed JC's back, his eyes still shadowed with fear. "And I shouldn't even have considered it. No matter how good you are with all of the others, I knew Demon doesn't allow _anyone_ but me in there. He could have killed you."

JC lifted both hands to cup Chris' cheeks and spoke quietly, looking into Chris' eyes. "He didn't though, I'm _fine_. He didn't even try to attack me, really, and now we know better."

Chris was quiet for a moment, searching JC's eyes, then nodded slightly. "Yeah, I guess so."

JC leaned closer, kissing Chris softly before he smiled at him. "I _know_ so. You're not getting me in with him again unless your life depends on it. Cowardice is the better part of valor."

Chris couldn't help a soft chuckle as he gave JC a squeeze and replied, "That's not cowardice, baby, that's using your brain for something more than hair fertilizer."

JC giggled and slipped his arms around Chris' neck as he kissed him again, this time deepening the kiss and lingering for a long moment, making a soft pleased noise when Chris' tongue stroked slowly against his. JC finally remembered Justin after a few minutes though and pulled away from Chris to look at him. "You okay over there, baby J?"

"Yeah," Justin replied, nodding quickly and giving JC a small smile. "Just don't scare me like that anymore, okay Spazz?"

JC smiled reassuringly at Justin. "I won't, J, I promise." He looked back at Chris then and asked, "We all done?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah, Demon was the last."

JC grinned and then pulled away, grabbing Chris' hand and starting to pull him towards the barn doors. "C'mon then, sweetheart. I'm starving."

Chris chuckled and let JC tow him along.

Justin moved to follow them, more than a little amazed at how completely unfazed JC was by his close call with the horse. In the last few months Justin had seen JC have a panic attack at the sight of a little bitty needle more often than he really liked, so to see him brush off nearly being attacked by a twelve hundred pound horse was quite simply unfathomable. If anyone had asked him, Justin would have been certain something like had just happened would have had JC shaking and scared for hours at best, and instead he seemed just fine.

Justin gave up trying to figure it out as he followed JC and Chris up the back stairs, resolving not to mention it unless JC or Chris did first. He didn't want to give Lance even more ammunition to use to try and prove Chris was the wrong person for JC. Justin was pretty sure Chris was exactly the right person, and wanted to help them as much as he could.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

~ ~ 16 ~ ~

 

JC and Chris walked in the back door still holding hands, both of them smiling but quiet as the four sitting at the table looked over towards the noise of the door opening.

Lance was still looking worried until he saw Justin following them, but even though he relaxed a bit when he saw him, something in Justin's face didn't look right. Joey and Nick only gave the three at the door a cursory look before returning to their animated discussion about the game the day before, arguing over who should have been MVP while Alex watched them with a bemused expression.

Britney looked over from the stove at Justin, JC, and Chris as they walked in too, smiling at them as Justin went to sit at the table. "You're just in time," she said brightly, "the biscuits just got done, and the gravy's ready too. All that's left is for me to set the table, so have a seat."

"Anything we can do to help?" JC asked, smiling at Brit as Chris pulled him towards the counter.

Britney grinned and nodded. "Yep. Sit down and keep Chris out of my way."

JC laughed. "Your wish is my command." He tugged Chris' hand, pulling him away from the counter again and towards the table as he grinned and said, "C'mon, you heard the lady."

Chris allowed JC to pull him along, grinning. "What lady? All I heard was Brat acting like I'm a five year old who's gonna stick my finger in her pot or something."

JC snorted and let go of Chris' hand, pointing at his chair as he grinned and said, "Sit down and be good."

Chris made a face at JC but sat down anyway. "Woof."

JC grinned and sat next to Chris, looking around the table at the others as he asked, "So what'd we miss?"

Alex rolled his eyes. "Basketball talk."

"Eww," JC said, wrinkling his nose. "That's almost as bad as football talk. I'm glad I was outside." JC paused a beat, and then grinned and added, "Of course, I'd be glad I was with Chris anyway, but now I'm even more so."

Chris grinned at JC. "You like being with me that much?"

JC nodded, grinning back at him as Brit carried plates to the table. "Oh yeah, the scenery's gorgeous."

Brit smiled at JC as she passed out plates, asking, "You like the mountains?"

"Oh yeah, I love 'em, but I wasn't talking about them," JC replied with a grin. "I meant Chris."

Brit giggled at how red Chris' face got as he sputtered, then Chris finally found his voice and said indignantly, "I am _not_ part of the scenery!"

JC just grinned at him. "Scenery's your surroundings or something you look at, and I definitely look at you. A lot."

Chris opened his mouth to deny it, then closed it again as he realized that he really was part of the scenery if you looked at it that way, but after only a moment he shrugged slightly. "Okay, maybe, but I'm not gorgeous and you're not gonna convince me of that one."

JC just grinned at Chris, not the least bothered by Chris' stubbornness. "Doesn't matter if you believe me or not, I know the truth. Like Justin said, you're hot as hell in a punk-cowboy sort of way."

Everyone started laughing at that except Lance, Justin, JC, and Chris, but JC was smirking and obviously proud of himself for catching Chris so completely off guard. Justin and Chris both were blushing to the tips of their ears while Lance stared at Justin like he had grown horns, wondering why Justin had been telling JC that he thought Chris was hot. Chris was if you liked the type, yeah, Lance could admit that to himself at least, but knowing that Justin had said that was a little disconcerting. Justin hardly ever commented on guys like Alex and Nick did, and _never_ did it around JC, so Lance really didn't like that Justin had been complimenting Chris. Lance still didn't think JC needed any encouragement, no matter what everyone else seemed to think. JC belonged with them, not out in the wilderness with people he hardly knew.

Chris was the first to recover and chose to change the subject, watching Brit as she carried a big bowl of gravy to the table. "Is that sausage gravy I smell, Brat?"

Britney sat the bowl down with a grin and headed back to the counter to get the bowl of scrambled eggs and a basket of biscuits. "Sure is. Belle's maple venison sausage even."

"Maple venison sausage?" JC repeated, obviously lost, and Chris and Joey both started singing the praises of Belle's maple venison sausage, explaining that it was made from deer meat mixed with extra lean pork and maple syrup. JC's expression remained dubious right up until Chris swiped his fork though the gravy and scooped out a bit of sausage for him to taste. JC's eyes widened and he grinned, immediately pronouncing it better than regular sausage any day.

Once assured that JC would eat it, Chris started loading down JC's plate much like he had at supper the night before, totally ignoring Lance's slight frown at the amount of food he gave JC. Lance watched in silence for a little while, picking at his own food as JC talked happily with everyone else, not even seeming to notice that he was eating until Britney asked if he wanted more eggs. JC looked down at his plate then, a little surprised to see it nearly empty, then looked back up at Brit and told her he'd had plenty. Lance looked down at his own half-full plate then and toyed with his food, his expression blank as he tuned out everyone else and tried to make sense of it.

Lance had watched Justin spend more hours than he cared to count over the last few months trying to get JC to eat at all, much less eat a whole meal, and JC had just eaten more than he normally did in an entire _day_ back home without anyone begging him to or really even encouraging him. Chris had filled JC's plate, yeah, but Lance knew from experience that giving JC a full plate wasn't enough to make him eat. JC eating that much at a single meal was almost as unheard of as JC talking and joking happily with people he barely knew, yet JC had done both all through breakfast. JC was acting like a totally different man than he had been when he got on the plane headed for Billings, and Lance was having a very hard time adjusting to the idea that JC could change so drastically almost overnight.

Lance didn't even notice that Chris was watching him as the others finished eating, he was too busy worrying over one idea that suddenly hit him and then wouldn't quit running through his head. Lance hadn't been around JC very much in the last two days, and JC was very obviously a thousand times happier than he had been in all the time Lance had been helping take care of him.

Lance found himself suddenly worrying that maybe JC had been so miserable, so _lifeless_ , for the last six months because of how _he_ bossed JC around and nagged at him, and he was praying Justin wouldn't come to the same conclusion. Justin was pissed already because Lance had upset JC rather often in the last few days, but if Justin ever came to the conclusion that Lance was why JC had been miserable for the last _six months_ , there would be no hole deep enough for Lance to hide in. Lance loved Justin with all his heart, but he had figured out early on that Justin loved JC more than anyone or anything else in the world, even him.

Lance picked at his biscuits and gravy, remembering the night JC tried to kill himself. He had listened while Justin talked on the phone to his best friend besides JC, Trace, because Trace's older brother Ryan was in the hospital and refused to say who beat him up. Trace had wanted to talk to JC and ask if he knew who might have done it, but Justin hadn't let him, instead telling Trace that his older brother had gotten what he deserved. Trace had gotten pissed at that and Justin had hung up on him a few moments later, abruptly ending a friendship that had lasted even longer that Justin had known JC.

JC still didn't know it, but Justin was the one who had made a late-night visit to Ryan right after JC tried to kill himself, and he might have killed Ryan if Lance hadn't realized where Justin was and called Nick to have him go stop Justin. Lance vividly remembered seeing Ryan – who had a rep for being a tough guy – _cringe_ when he saw Lance about a month later on campus, and the fear in his eyes had really made Lance wonder what Justin had done to him. He had asked Justin about it later that night, but Justin had just gotten really quiet and then brushed him off by saying that Ryan didn't get half what he deserved for hurting JC. Lance didn't like that non-answer but didn't want to push Justin for more so he had asked Nick about it, and Nick had only told him that Justin was lucky he wasn't in jail and then refused to say anything else. Lance had never been afraid of Justin, not really, but there was the implicit knowledge there afterwards that Justin could and would do serious damage if anyone hurt JC.

JC nudged Lance then, bringing Lance out of his thoughts and making him look up quickly in surprise to see JC standing next to him and giving him a smile that didn't quite go with the concerned expression in JC's eyes. "I'm supposed to be the one off in lala land, Poof, not you. You okay?"

Lance nodded quickly and gave JC what he hoped was a genuine smile. "Yeah, fine, just thinking."

JC grinned at him. "Well think about whether or not you're tired of pushing your food around on your plate, I'm clearing the table."

Lance glanced around to see that the table had already been cleared except for his plate and a few glasses, and Justin and Chris were at the sink laughing and arguing back and forth over who should wash and who should dry. "Uhm, yeah, Josh," Lance said then, trying to ignore the little pang that seeing Justin so friendly with Chris gave him as he nodded and laid his fork on his plate, offering both to JC. "I'm done."

JC gave him a slightly odd look but smiled as he took the plate. "You may not be hungry, Scoop, but you really should have eaten." JC grabbed the glasses in his free hand and turned to carry the dishes to the sink, missing the shocked look on Lance's face and the grin Alex exchanged with Nick.

Chris laughed and took the glasses from JC, putting them in the sink to let Justin wash them – Chris had convinced Justin to let him dry – and then turning to watch JC scrape the food of Lance's plate into the trash. "Pot, kettle calling on line two..."

Britney giggled as JC walked back over to the sink, leaning past Chris to give Justin the plate and fork and then putting both hands on Chris' waist, grinning at him. "Hey, I was good! I ate a granola bar _and_ everything on my plate and didn't argue or anything."

Chris grinned and draped his arms around JC's waist. "Eating's good, baby, you gotta do that more often, but arguing is allowed." Chris smirked and then leaned closer to JC then, whispering quietly enough that only JC and Justin could hear him, "Besides, making up can be fun."

Justin laughed and turned his head to watch them.

JC slid his arms around Chris' waist, smirking, and said, "I love the way you think," and then kissed him.

Joey grinned at Britney. "They're gonna be sappy as hell, I can see it coming."

Britney giggled again and nodded. "Chris has always been a softy, honey. He just hides it well."

"He doesn't seem to be hiding it now," Alex commented quietly, watching the two at the sink with a smile as Chris lifted one hand to stroke JC's cheek, both of them seemingly oblivious to the rest of the room as they looked into each other's eyes, smiling.

Joey and Britney looked at Chris and JC again at Alex's comment, both of them grinning, then looked back at Alex and Nick as Joey resumed the discussion he had been having with them about cars. Lance wasn't interested in the conversation though, instead watching as JC whispered something he couldn't make out, then Chris whispered back what looked like 'love you too' just before JC leaned in to kiss Chris again. Lance looked at Justin to see what his reaction was to whatever they'd said and found Justin watching him, his smile at odds with his intense blue eyes that almost seemed to be daring Lance to say anything.

Lance met Justin's gaze for only a moment and then looked down at the table in front of him, his expression more thoughtful than it had been. They really _did_ look like they were in love, even to him, and Justin obviously approved so there just had to be something about Chris that Lance was missing. Justin wouldn't trust just anyone with JC's heart, not after Ryan, and he wouldn't let JC go after someone he thought would hurt him either. Lance would just have to try harder to figure out what it was JC and Justin saw in Chris that he didn't.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

~ ~ 17 ~ ~

 

Joey, Alex, and Nick were still talking when Britney glanced at the clock on the microwave a little while later, then she immediately hopped up, walking across the kitchen. "Chris, did you need anything while I'm in town today? I'm going to ride in with Joe and do some shopping."

Britney stepped into the pantry to get her list off the clipboard she kept in there to mark when they were almost out of something without waiting for an answer, but Chris was ignoring her anyway. Chris was busy kissing JC, and they were so totally absorbed in each other that she probably could have set fire to them and they wouldn't have noticed.

Britney stepped back out of the pantry a moment later, looking around to see why Chris hadn't answered her only to see that he was still kissing JC while _everyone_ ignored her. Justin was drying the dishes while Alex, Joey, and Nick were absorbed in talking about Joey's 'baby' – a '69 Mustang that he had restored himself – and Lance was watching JC and Chris so intently that he didn't notice Brit's obvious exasperation.

Britney pursed her lips as she looked towards the couple kissing by the sink and settled her hands on her hips, then after a moment she said more loudly, "Chris, I _was_ talking to you!"

Chris lifted one hand long enough to flip her off and then put his hand back on JC's ass, squeezing gently and drawing a low groan from JC. Chris grinned into their kiss then and leaned back against the counter next to Justin just as JC nibbled on his lower lip, sucking gently at it. Chris growled softly into the kiss, his hands tightening on JC's ass again as JC made a noise that sounded like a purr. Chris shifted his stance then, moving his feet further apart, and one of JC's hands roamed up into Chris' hair as JC stepped closer to push Chris back against the counter, their bodies touching from knee to chest.

Britney watched them for a few more moments, her eyebrows going up at first because of the way JC was pressing Chris back against the counter, then drawing down again in annoyance when it become obvious Chris really did intend to ignore her. "Kirkpatrick, _answer me!_ We have to get a move on if we're going to get home by dark. After we go you two can go upstairs and make like bunnies all _day_ for all I care, but right now you can damn well take a minute to talk to me!"

JC giggled slightly as Chris made a soft noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort of laughter just before they pulled apart, ending their kiss. Chris looked over at Brit then, his eyes dancing with laughter as he gave her his best innocent look and asked, "Did you say something?"

Justin turned so he was sure Britney couldn't see his face, grinning and trying hard not to laugh as JC let his head fall forward to rest on Chris' collarbone, muffling his giggles against Chris' shoulder. The more time Justin spent around Chris, the more certain he was that Chris was exactly what JC needed, and seeing them together only served to reinforce that. JC's laugh had become much too rare over the last year, yes, but that giggle that always made Justin tease him when they were growing up had disappeared entirely. The moment they met Chris the laughter had begun to come back, and now the giggle too, and Justin loved to see JC so happy again.

Britney made a loud frustrated noise, throwing up her hands. "Dammit, Kirkpatrick, you _know_ I was talking to you, you _heard_ me!"

Chris laughed, rubbing JC's back absently as his giggles subsided. "You know I'm just messing with you, Brat. Jayce and I need to go into town anyway, so we'll pick up anything I think of that we need."

Lance spoke then, surprised and disapproving as he asked, "You're making JC go to town?"

Justin and JC both turned around then, Justin frowning slightly and about to say something, but JC beat him to it, suddenly angry as he glared Lance. "No, he's not _making_ me go to town. Chris hasn't asked me to do anything I didn't already want to do and he doesn't _order_ me to do _anything_." Lance flinched slightly at that but JC went on, finally too annoyed by Lance's constant assumptions over the last two days to care about Lance's feelings. "Chris is _not_ Ryan or even a tiny bit like him, James. He hasn't fucked me – and since I'm _sure_ you'll ask that is _not_ because I wasn't willing! – and he hasn't lied to me, or hurt me, or said I was worthless, or made me _feel_ worthless, or stupid, or anything else that even _you_ have done."

JC took a deep breath and was about to go on when Chris laid a hand on JC’s cheek, distracting JC and making him look away from Lance.

Chris gave JC a crooked little smile and said softly, "Baby, I think he gets the idea."

Lance jumped up then and JC looked back towards him as Lance moved quickly to the back door, finally seeing the pain and guilt in Lance's shining eyes as Lance said softly, "I—I'm so sorry. I'll get out of your way."

JC took a step after him, already regretting his outburst and stretching out one hand towards Lance as he said, "Lance, wa—" Lance closed the door quietly behind himself and JC broke off midword, closing his eyes and letting his hand fall back to his side as his head drooped forward. "Damn," he whispered, his voice seeming loud in the too-silent room as everyone stared at him in varying degrees of shock.

JC had just shown more backbone that any of them had _ever_ seen from him except Justin, and it had been years since Justin saw JC angry enough to tear into someone like that. Alex, Nick, and Justin had seen JC mad at Lance before and even seen him yell at him, sure, but they'd never seen him really tear into Lance even when they thought Lance deserved it. Every word seemed like it had been calculated to hurt, and JC usually wasn't remotely like that. The last time Justin remembered seeing JC talk to anyone like that was right after JC's parents told him they wouldn't have a 'faggot' son but they would give him another chance if he 'straightened' up immediately because he was such a good son otherwise. JC had ripped into his father then, pointing out every one of Roy's faults, and when he wound down he'd told them he didn't _want_ a family like that, and that he was leaving. As far as Justin knew, JC hadn't seen even a photograph of his parents since.

Chris stepped closer to JC after a moment of silence, moving in front of him and raising one hand to lift JC's chin as he said quietly, "Baby, look at me." JC opened eyes shining with unshed tears to look at him and Chris lifted his other hand to stroke back JC's hair, his voice soft and comforting as he said, "Everyone has a breaking point, Josh. It's okay to get mad at him."

JC shook his head mutely, closing his eyes again.

Justin said quietly, "I'm sorry, Josh."

JC opened his eyes quickly and turned in surprise to look at Justin. "Why, J?" JC asked, obviously confused as Chris let his hands fall away and stepped back slightly to let Justin say what he needed to say.

"For being a shitty brother," Justin replied, his eyes dark and unreadable as he averted his gaze to look at the floor. "For letting him hurt you."

JC moved away from Chris, seeming to forget everyone else as he moved over to Justin, ducking his head down slightly to look at Justin's face as he put his hands on Justin's shoulders. Justin lifted his gaze slightly and looked at him again then and JC said firmly, "Stop that. Nothing I do, nothing _Lance_ does, is your fault. Lance didn't even know he was doing it, so you can't hold it against him. Neither of us can. I shouldn't have gone off on him."

Everyone else watched in silence as Justin looked at JC a long moment, then asked quietly, "Is Lance why you've been getting worse instead of better?"

JC immediately shook his head. "No, he's not. I—" JC searched Justin's eyes a moment, thinking, then went on, "It's hard to explain. I _needed_ someone to get me take care of myself back there, J. When I was being stupid and stubborn and just waiting to die, you could never make yourself goad me into fighting you all the time – and I'm _glad_ you couldn't, there's been a lot of times you were the only one I had to turn to – but Lance could and did. He _made_ me keep going and sometimes I hated him for it, but I knew it was for my own good."

Justin lifted one hand then to run his fingers through JC's hair, looking into JC's eyes as he asked, "And now, Josh?" He swallowed, and then added even more quietly, "Do you need us – me – anymore?"

JC impulsively stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Justin, kissing Justin's cheek and then laying his chin on Justin's shoulder. "I'll always need my baby brother. Always."

Justin's fingers tightened in JC's hair as his other arm came up to wrap around him, his gaze meeting Chris' over JC's shoulder as he mouthed silently, "Take care of him for me."

Chris nodded immediately and mouthed back, "I promise."

Justin gave him a tiny grateful smile before he let go of JC and stepped backwards, pulling out of JC's arms as he gave him a smile that was only slightly forced. "Go on into town with Chris, and have fun."

JC shook his head. "No, I should go find Lance and—"

"I'll worry about Lance," Justin said, interrupting him. "You need to go get yourself some boots so you can ride. I know you want to, and it'd be a shame to make Chris take an extra trip into town another day just for that. Lance will be here when you get home, and both of you will have had time to think about things."

JC bit his lip, still looking uncertain, and Justin was about to tell him to go again when Chris spoke up. "Today's the only day this week I'll be able to go, Jayce. If you want to wait for another day, you'll have to go with someone else."

JC immediately turned towards Chris then and Justin smiled at Chris and mouthed, "Thank you," then turned away to finish the dishes.

"No," JC said, "I want to go with you. Justin's right, I can talk to Lance later."

Chris smiled and nodded. "You'll have the rest of the week to talk to him, Jayce." JC nodded, smiling just a little at the implication Lance would be leaving but JC wouldn't as Chris added, "Why don't you go get your CDs and a jacket and meet me outside?"

JC nodded and turned to start towards the door to the living room. "Sure. I need to go find my wallet anyway, I have no idea where Lance packed it."

"Lance didn't pack it, Josh, I did. It's in my backpack," Justin spoke up, turning away from the sink again.

JC paused at the door and turned back to look at Justin. "Where's your bag, J? In your cabin?"

Justin smiled. "No, it's in the rental out front. I'll get it for you while you get your CDs."

JC flashed him a quick smile. "Thanks J." He looked at Chris then, still smiling, and added, "I'll be right back."

Chris smiled back and nodded, listening to JC's footsteps go up the stairs as he let his smile fade away, waiting until he was sure JC was really gone before he looked at Justin and asked almost plaintively, "Why does Lance hate me? What did I do to make him think I'd hurt Jayce?"

Justin sighed softly, looking down at the floor as he leaned back against the sink, then looked back up at Chris. "I'm pretty sure that it's the idea that Josh might let _anyone_ but us get close to him again that Lance hates, not you. Lance doesn't want to see Josh hurt again, _ever_ , and I guess he thinks that Josh needs to keep living with us where he's safely away from anyone that might hurt him."

"Safely locked in a cage, sounds like to me," Britney said suddenly, frowning. "That's not fair to JC. It's obvious he loves it out here."

Justin nodded, looking over at her. "I know it's not. That's why it's not going to happen." Justin's tone was calm and determined as he looked back at Chris and went on, "I need to know. Is JC welcome here, permanently?"

"Yes," Chris replied without any hesitation. "What's mine is his, if he wants it."

Britney and Joey exchanged a shocked look at that as Alex smiled and nodded, catching Nick's surprised look and winking at him before looking back over at Justin, who was nodding at Chris.

"Then I'd be willing to bet he won't be going home with us when we go," Justin said with a slight smile. "He does love it here, and I know he loves you."

"Good," Chris replied, smiling back and immensely cheered to hear Justin say JC loved him. "I love him too, and I want him to stay."

Justin nodded, answering both statements with only one of his own. "So do I."

 

* * *

 

JC walked quickly up the stairs, his smile beginning to fade the moment he was out of the kitchen, and a deep frown had settled over his features by the time he reached his room. _'I shouldn't have treated Lance like that_. _He only wants to protect me because he loves me, and I bit his head off. He worries about me just like he worries about Justin, and I—_ ' JC broke off in mid thought, stopping in the middle of his room and staring at nothing as a sudden realization washed over him.

JC moved to his bed and sat down hard, his eyes huge as he lifted one hand to cover his mouth, his face a mask of shocked surprise. Lance called him sweetheart all the time, and often kissed him goodnight, and treated him a lot like he did Justin, only without the sex. Lance had been there for him a lot over the last six months and would do anything for JC, yelling at him a lot, yeah, but still thinking about him constantly and often putting what JC needed above even Justin's needs. And, on top of a million other little things JC had never added up until now, there was the obvious fact that Lance hated seeing JC close to Chris and was acting _jealous_ around Chris more often than not.

 _'Holy fuck, I think he's in love with me.'_ JC swallowed hard, his hand falling to brace himself on the bed as he swayed slightly. _'If he is, what do I do? He's my baby brother's fiance,_ ** __** _he's not allowed to want _both_ o_ ** __** _f us... Even if I felt that way about him, I could never let him hurt Justin like that. Justin needs, no, _deserves_ L_ ** __** _ance's whole heart, not just a part of it.'_

JC looked down at the floor, his mind stuttering to a halt as he remembered again the look on Lance's face just before he ran out of the kitchen. _'God,_ ' JC thought, biting at his lower lip and closing his eyes at the overpowering flood of remorse he felt. _'Saying the things I did to a friend is bad enough, but if he's in love with me then I'm as bad as Ryan. I just ripped his heart out and shit on it.'_

JC stood abruptly and walked over to the window, looking blindly out at the forested slopes between the ranch and the mountain peaks rising large in the distance. ' _Nice w_ ** __** _ay to repay the man who kept you _alive_ t_ ** __** _he last six months, Chasez, the man who made you come up here where you found your heart again. He gave you back your _life_ ,_ ** __** _and to repay him you cut him to ribbons. Way to go, asshole.'_

JC blinked quickly, trying not to cry as his gaze fell from the mountains to the pasture where the horses usually were, then he suddenly raised one hand to the window as though to touch what he saw. Lance was walking slowly away from the house across the empty horse pasture, his head down and every line of his body screaming that he was miserable. JC watched as Lance walked a little further before suddenly sitting down in the grass and bringing his knees up to bury his face against them. JC continued to stare at Lance a few more minutes, too far away to see it but somehow sure those strong shoulders were shaking with sobs too as tears slowly ran down JC's face.

"I'm so sorry," JC finally whispered softly, his voice choked with emotion. "I never meant to make you love me."

JC closed his eyes after another moment and turned away from the window, inhaling shakily and then moving quickly towards the bathroom to wash his face as he wiped away his tears with one hand and tried to see the good side of things. ' _Maybe it's a good thing I hurt him this way. He's marrying Justin and needs to give _him_ a ****ll of his love. I'm just his fiance's best friend, not someone he should care about like that. Justin loves him and will take good care of him, and they'll both be happier without me underfoot scaring them every time I have a bad day.'_

JC reached for the washrag he had left on the sink and looked at himself in the mirror as he turned the water on, taking in the bleak look in his own red-rimmed eyes. _'Chris'll ask me to stay anyway, so I'm not going back with them. He really does love me, I can feel it, and I love being with him more than anything else I've ever done. It's like I found a piece of myself I've been missing all my life, even though I didn't know it was gone.'_

JC lifted the washrag to scrub the evidence of his tears away, pressing the cold rag to each eyelid for a long moment before dropping it back in the sink again and reaching for his brush to quickly run it though his hair. He was unsurprised to find tangles in it again already but made quick work of them, and a moment later he was back by the bed to put on his glasses. He grabbed Chris' sweatshirt off the dresser in case he got cold and then picked his CDs up off the bed before leaving the room to head back downstairs.

JC reached the kitchen a few moments later, surprised to find nobody there until he remembered that Chris said he would meet him out front. He turned to go again but thought better of it immediately and turned back to lay his CDs on the counter, then walked into the pantry, coming out a moment later with one of the water bottles they had carried on their ride up the mountain. JC filled it and then slung the strap for the bottle over his shoulder and picked up his CDs and the sweatshirt again to head towards the front door, his strides quick and purposeful.

 

* * *

 

Nick wanted to see Joey's Mustang before he and Alex went back up to their cabin for the day, so they walked outside too when Britney and Joey left for town. Justin followed them out to get his backpack out of the rental before Nick and Alex drove it up to their cabin, then put the bag in Chris' truck and watched the two couples leave as he sat in one of the chairs on the front porch to wait for JC and think. Justin had a lot of thinking to do, really, so he welcomed a few minutes of solitude.

Chris had gone out the back instead of going with the others because he had to go let the horses out of the barn before they could leave, and he was in such a hurry to go get it done that he was almost to the barn doors before he glanced towards the pasture and saw something. He couldn't quite make out what it was because it was in a low spot so he moved over to the fence, stepping up on the second rail to look because the pasture was supposed to be empty. He frowned when he saw it was Lance and then watched him for a minute as he realized Lance looked like he was probably crying.

Chris stepped back down and leaned on the fence for a long moment, debating going out to talk to Lance, and then turned away to go into the barn instead, pulling the main doors closed once he was inside. He started along the row of stalls then, opening doors to let the horses along the side furthest from the pasture out into the closed barn and thinking.

No matter how many things Chris had that he wanted to say to Lance, he really had no right to so he wasn't going to go out and stick his nose into it. Lance had acted like an ass and had hurt JC _again_ , yeah, but Chris thought Lance had probably just hurt himself worse in the end. JC's words in reaction had been hasty and JC had regretted them immediately, but Chris figured that they had to have hit home for the simple reason that as far as he could tell they were completely true.

Chris paused as he reached Demon's stall, looking into it and letting himself be distracted by the stallion as he snorted and pawed his shavings, plastic cracking under his hoof has he hit part of the broken bucket. ' _I'll have to remember to keep Jayce away from him_ ,' Chris thought, watching as the stallion glared at him. ' _I think I'll start feeding Demon out in his run so he doesn't have to come in the barn at all unless the weather is really bad. Demon won't mind and it'll be safer for Jayce.'_

Chris watched the stallion another moment and then continued past him, crossing the barn towards the door to the pasture as he weaved between the horses standing in the aisle waiting for him to open it. Chris wasn't at all worried the horses might fight or kick at him or each other. He had carefully chosen which ones stayed in the far side of the barn and knew they were long used to the routine, smart enough to wait patiently no matter how long he took to get the doors open. When he got to the door and slid it open all the way the horses went out quickly, several breaking into a trot but almost immediately stopping and beginning to graze while Scotch and the other two foals that stayed in the right side galloped across the field, bucking and playing.

Chris watched them with a smile for a moment before Scotch shied violently, jumping sideways and then stopping to stare into the hollow Lance was sitting in. Chris saw Lance reach up towards the filly and watched her step towards him before he started along the back wall of the barn, opening the stalls that let out directly into the pasture so that the other mares and foals could go play too. As soon as all of the horses along that side of the barn were out, Chris walked back the way he'd come, closing the stalls and then going into the barn.

Chris walked in to let Lacy and her colt out then, pausing to pet Lacy a moment and talking to her colt, then frowning when the colt dodged around the mare to avoid him. Chris led Lacy out of the barn anyway, making a mental note to catch him that evening and work with him whether the colt liked it or not as he watched Lacy trot down the field, happy to be out for the first time in several days.

Chris turned away after a moment to go back in the barn and close the door to the pasture, then he walked to the door to Demon's pen, opening it and the gate just outside of it. He grabbed a leadrope out of the tack room and went to Demon's stall next, pausing at the door to look at the stallion again and narrowing his eyes at the challenging snort Demon gave him. Demon reared slightly and then stood in the middle of his stall with his head lowered and pawed with one front hoof, purposefully hitting another piece of the crushed bucket and knocking it across the stall.

Demon was in rare form today, and even though Chris knew it was because the stallion had been locked in the barn all night he still didn't like it or the way Lacy's colt had avoided him. Pepper had been friendly from day one and Chris had been really encouraged by that, thinking that Demon would be a good herd sire even with his less than predictable temperament, but the way Lacy's new colt had just behaved was making him doubt that suddenly. Lacy's foals were usually friendly like Scotch was, so seeing her colt run to avoid him wasn't a good sign, especially since all of Chris' broodmares were bred to Demon already except Lacy and Kayla. Chris was sure he could work the colt through whatever made him run today – he was of the firm opinion you could teach a foal anything if you spent enough time on them – but if Demon was going to throw foals with that standoffish attitude it would double Chris' workload next summer.

Chris watched Demon until the stallion finally stopped fretting and stood still, then opened the door of the stall and stepped to one side as he said firmly, "Out, Demon."

The stallion went out of his stall immediately but instead of going straight to the relative freedom of his pen he moved over to Kayla's stall and pawed at the door, suddenly giving Chris a pretty good idea of why Demon was being such a pain in the ass that morning, and why he had gone after JC. He had decided not to breed Kayla or Lacy back this year because he wanted to get them back to foaling in the spring with the other mares, and now that he thought about it he realized Kayla was due to come in season again anytime. Demon was a handful when he was locked up all night, but being locked up across the aisle from a mare in season all night was enough to make Demon unmanageable, especially if a stranger walked into his stall smelling like her. JC had fed Kayla and stopped long enough to pet her and her colt, so letting JC walk into Demon's stall after feeding her had been on par with adding gasoline to a fire.

Chris pushed away his self-recriminating thoughts, quite sure that dwelling on his own stupidity wouldn't help, and swung the leadrope at the stallion's hindquarters. He purposefully missed by several feet, and wasn't at all surprised when Demon kicked at him half-heartedly but didn't move. "Forget it, Demon," Chris said firmly, "Outside!"

Chris swung the rope again, this time letting go of the knotted end so that it arced out to hit Demon lightly on the hip. Demon kicked out hard with both hind legs, missing Chris by several feet because Chris well knew his range, then turned to trot down the aisle, watching Chris over his shoulder all the way. Chris followed him at a safe distance, swinging the rope at Demon again when the stallion started to turn towards the pasture door. "No Demon, get your ass where you belong!" Demon tossed his head and then bolted out into his pen.

Chris moved quickly to close the gate, then watched as Demon galloped around his large, high-fenced enclosure before stopping along the fence closest to the main pasture to call to the mares. None of them answered him, and after a moment Demon whirled away from the fence to take off at a run again, bucking and kicking in annoyance much like Pepper did when he didn't get what he wanted.

Chris snorted and turned away, closing the door between Demon's pen and the barn and then going to put away the lead rope. He went back to the door to the pasture to open it so the horses could come inside if it rained while they were gone, and had only slid the door open about a foot when he stopped in surprise at the sight of Lance standing a few feet away. Chris looked at him a moment, noting Lance's swollen, red-rimmed eyes, then turned away to finish sliding the wide door the rest of the way open. "Did you need something?"

Lance bit his lip, watching as Chris fastened the door open with a chain bolted to the doorframe. "Yeah, I... Kind of... I wanted to talk. To you."

Chris looked at him again, searching Lance's face for something before he said, "C'mon inside, you can talk while I clean up something." Chris turned around without waiting for an answer and walked back into the barn.

Lance followed him hesitantly as Chris walked to Demon's stall and went inside, then watched from the aisle as Chris started gathering shards of plastic. "Just. JC really cares about you. Even I can see it."

Chris glanced up, and then continued looking around the stall. "Yeah, and your point is?"

Lance's voice was quiet as he replied, "So... Don't hurt him, okay?"

Chris picked up the last piece of the bucket and then turned to look at Lance, his expression somewhere between amused and annoyed. " _You're_ telling _me_ not to hurt him?! Is that supposed to be a joke, or what?"

Lance shook his head. "No, it's not a joke. I, I know I've upset him, but I never did it on purpo—"

Chris cut him off, frowning. "So it doesn't count because you didn't mean to, is that what you think?"

Lance frowned too as he exclaimed, "I didn't know!"

Chris' tone was hard and obviously angry as he said, "That's not even _almost_ a good enough excuse for the way you've made him feel, Bass. He felt _worthless_ when he got here, and I totally blame you for that." Lance flinched and looked away. "Justin builds Jayce up as much as he can and so does Alex from what I've seen, but you seem to spend all your time pointing out anything Jayce does that's not to your liking."

Lance swallowed hard and didn't look up as he said quietly, "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt him."

Chris snorted derisively and walked out of the stall, not even bothering to look at Lance as he balanced the pieces of the bucket in one hand and closed the door with the other. "Don't tell _me_ that, tell him." Chris took several steps towards the feed room to go throw away the pieces of the broken bucket, then stopped and turned back. "Oh and Bass?"

Lance looked towards him, his eyes bright. "Yeah?"

Chris' expression was hard and closed as he looked into Lance's eyes and said firmly, "I don't care how much you hate me so feel free to, but you’d better stop tearing him down. _Nobody_ is going to treat Jayce like that as long as I'm around. It's gonna stop right here and right now or I'll make you wish it had, understood?"

Lance nodded, looking away again. "I understand."

Chris nodded. "Good." He turned away and went into the feed room to throw away the bucket, then came back out and walked to the main doors as he added, "We'll be back around dark and Jayce wants to talk to you this evening, so I'd suggest you think about how you need to start treating him while we're gone. When you leave the barn don't go out with Demon, and be sure that if you open a door or gate you shut it back."

"I will," Lance replied thickly, keeping his face averted as Chris stepped outside and close the main doors again, darkening the barn.

Lance stared at nothing for a long moment before he moved to sit down with his back against the nearest wall, hiding his face against his already damp knees again as his mind rang with Chris' words.

 _"He felt worthless when he got here, and I totally blame you for that."_

 


	18. Chapter 18

~ ~ 18 ~ ~

 

Justin looked up when JC came out the front door, his brow furrowing slightly when he saw JC's reddened eyes. "Josh, have you been crying?"

JC shrugged a little and gave Justin a reassuring smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'll survive, J."

Justin frowned at that non-answer, then got up and moved over to the porch swing, patting the seat next to him as he said, "Come sit down, Josh. Chris will be back before too long."

JC moved over towards him, glancing towards where Chris' beat-up dually was parked and then looking back at Justin as he sat down, laying his CDs and Chris' sweatshirt in his lap. "Where'd he go?"

"He had to let the horses out," Justin replied. "He said it would only take him a few minutes."

"Okay." JC turned his head to look over his shoulder towards the barn and the pasture before he realized that he couldn't see them because of the house, and then turned back to Justin. "Maybe I should go help him, Demon was still in a really bad mood after we fed him."

Justin shook his head quickly. "I offered to go help, but Chris said he didn't want anyone else in the barn while he moved Demon."

JC bit his lip and looked over his shoulder again even though he couldn't see anything as he said, "I just, I don't trust Demon."

Justin smiled slightly. "Chris has been doing this a long time, Josh, he can handle him."

JC turned back to Justin, giving him a wry little smile. "You're right, I'm being silly."

Justin chuckled softly and shook his head. "Not really, just showing that you care about him, but I already knew that."

JC blushed slightly and looked down at the sweatshirt in his lap, stroking the material slightly even as his smile widened. "He's easy to love."

Justin watched JC's face, smiling softly as he said, "Sounds like someone else I know."

JC lifted his head to look at Justin. "Lance?"

Justin shook his head. "You."

"I'm not—" JC protested, blushing even as he shook his head and looked down again, but Justin cut him off.

"You are, Josh. People can't help but love you, especially when you're happy like you've been the last few days." Justin reached out to run his finger along JC's jaw, making JC look up at him as Justin smiled and then let his hand fall back to his lap. "I'm so glad Howie told us about this place. I think seeing you truly happy again is the best thing that's happened to me since we left home."

JC smiled at that. "Not much has happened since then though, J. It's only been a few days."

Justin shook his head, still smiling. "I don't mean since we came here, Josh. I mean since we left _home_."

JC's eyes widened at that and he was about to ask Justin what he meant – surely Justin didn't mean that seeing him happy again was better than everything Justin and Lance had together?! – when the front door to the house opened and Chris stepped outside.

“Ready to go, Jayce?"

JC stared at Justin a moment longer as Chris shut the front door and moved over to stand near the swing, then JC blinked and looked up at Chris, giving him a smile that became more genuine when he saw Chris' smiling face. "Yeah, I am. Did the horses give you any trouble?"

Chris grinned. "Not a bit, they know the deal. Demon even behaved pretty well, considering."

"That's great," JC said, his smile widening as Justin watched him with a grin, wondering if JC had any idea how he brightened up when he saw Chris.

Chris nodded and reached for JC's CDs and the sweatshirt laying in his lap, taking them from him and then offering JC his free hand. "Yep, it is, now c'mon or it's gonna be dark-thirty by the time we get home."

JC laughed softly and took Chris' hand as he asked, "Dark-thirty?"

Chris grinned and nodded, tugging JC to his feet and then leaning close to kiss his cheek. "Like the ass-crack of dawn, baby, only the opposite." JC giggled and Chris winked at him, then looked at Justin. "You sure you don't want to go with us?"

Justin nodded, smiling at how effortlessly Chris had distracted JC and made him laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure, I'm going to go find Lance and see if he'll go for a walk with me or something."

Chris nodded and started towards the porch steps. "Suit yourself, Curly. He was in the barn when I left it a few minutes ago, probably hasn't gotten too far if you head that way."

JC looked questioningly at the back of Chris' head but followed him without a word, making a mental note to ask Chris while they were alone if he had talked to Lance.

Justin stood and watched them go down the stairs before he called, "Josh, I put my backpack in Chris' truck for you, and made room in it for your CDs so you wouldn't have to leave them in the truck. I made sure you had some cash in your wallet before we left and your credit card is in it too, in the front pocket. Your chill pills are in the inside pocket if you need one."

JC looked over his shoulder at Justin, letting Chris lead him towards the truck as he smiled and called back, "Thanks, J, I really appreciate it."

"Anytime Josh." Justin moved to the edge of the porch, leaning against the railing as he watched JC climb in the driver's side door and scoot over to the middle of the bench seat to let Chris in, then watched as Chris started the truck while JC opened his CD case. Chris said something a moment later and waved to Justin just as the truck began to move, causing JC to glance up and wave happily to Justin too. Justin smiled and waved back, then watched the truck disappear down the driveway before he went down the stairs and started around the house towards the barn, wondering what Lance and Chris had said to each other.

 

* * *

 

"Did I get totally fucked up signals back there, or was Jup acting like he's gonna walk out on Poof?"

"I got the same vibe, Nicky, but there's no way," Alex replied, driving slowly up the gravel road that led to their cabin. "J was upset but he won't walk away from Lance, he hasn't even looked at anyone else since they hooked up."

Nick snorted softly and picked up the day planner that was in the floor. "That look in his eyes when Lance pissed JC off was a lot more than upset, and Justin's capable of some serious shit when somebody hurts JC." Alex turned the car off, raising his eyebrows slightly as he turned his head to look at Nick, watching Nick flip through the pages as Nick went on. "And Jup's been with Lance a while, yeah, but he's been with JC since he was a little kid."

Alex turned sideways in the driver's seat, propping his left arm on the steering wheel and frowning. "You're talking like they're together, babe. They're not, they're brothers."

Nick gave Alex a look that plainly said he though Alex was an idiot and lifted the day planner, offering it to Alex with it open to a page dated about a month earlier. "Do you know this much about your brother? If you _did_ , would you write it down several times a day?"

Alex gave Nick an odd look and looked down at the page.

~~~~~

 _20th, 5a_

 _He just fell asleep. Wouldn't tell me why, but he woke up screaming and crying again. I hate seeing him cry. Wish I could make all the shit in his head leave so he could be happy again. I've almost forgotten what it's like for him to enjoy life. I'd kill to get it back._

 _\-- 12:30p_

 _He took his morning meds; made him sick again. I made an appt with the doc for day after tomorrow, nurse said he'd have to pull blood again. Josh was upset so I got the last piece of the pecan pie mom sent us out of the freezer for him. Hope he can keep it down, he hasn't really eaten since breakfast yesterday. Remember the doc appt, Marston at 10am on Fri._

 _\-- 1p_

 _He couldn't._

 _\-- 7p_

 _L got pissed while I was out getting supper cuz Josh didn't shower like he told him he would. He was still yelling when I got home and I had to explain that Josh was too dizzy to shower so I told him to wait and take a bath after supper._

 _L didn't even apologize. Asshole._

 _\-- 10:30p_

 _Ate a whole slice of pizza and managed to keep it down. Plain cheese thin crust from the Pizza Inn on 4th St didn't make him sick. In the tub now, listening to the CD I got him today while he soaks. He loves Pink, gotta find him her first CD too. Remember to make a copy of Missundaztood for him so he can leave one in his stereo._

 _\-- 11p_

 _He's still losing weight - 5 lb since last Wed - and has a bruise on his hip cuz he blacked out again last night. He wasn't gonna to tell me. He's still listening to Pink, but in bed with a book now. Hope he really sleeps tonight._

~~~~~

Alex looked up at Nick, his eyes wide and surprised. "Did you know he had this?"

Alex looked back down as he waited for an answer, missing Nick's nod as he flipped back to the beginning to find that Justin had started it a couple of months before JC tried to kill himself. There was hardly anything written in those first two months, just dates of tests and games and then a two week blank space before Justin started taking short notes that grew longer as Alex flipped through the planner. The early days there was just a note of whether or not JC took his meds, but gradually Justin began to note other things too, JC's fears and foods that he couldn't eat anymore. Alex looked up at Nick again after a little while when he realized Nick wasn't going to answer him to see that Nick was watching him closely.

"I knew he had it," Nick said after a moment, nodding again. "I've seen him write in it a few times and he brushed it off by saying it was how he kept track of JC's medicine. He left it in the living room about a week ago and I read a bit before he caught me with it." Nick reached for the day planner, pulling it out of Alex's hands and closing it, then laid it on the console between them as he added, "I was sure he'd get mad but he didn't, just said all I had to do was ask if I wanted to read it." Nick looked up at Alex again then, tapping the day planner with his fingertip as he asked, "Would you take the time to do something like that for _your_ brother?"

Alex looked at Nick for a moment and then looked down at the day planner, staring at it a long moment. "No, I wouldn't."

Nick's voice was much quieter a few moments later when he asked, "Would you do it for me?"

Alex was silent a long moment before he looked up, meeting Nick's eyes as he replied just as softly, "If you needed me to, yeah."

Nick gave him a sweet little half smile. "I rest my case."

Alex chuckled slightly, shaking his head. "I should know better than to argue with a law student, even if you did change your major."

Nick grinned and nodded, turning towards his door to open it. "Damn right you should, I always win."

Nick started to jump out of his side of the truck then, but Alex moved across the console and grabbed him from behind, laughing and wrapping his arms around Nick's neck as Nick sat back down hard in his seat. "You do huh?" Alex asked, smirking at Nick as he leaned forward over his shoulder. "You sure about that?"

Nick laughed and got up again, hauling Alex along behind him as he nodded. "Yep, only sometimes you just don't know it. You can be pretty dense."

Alex laughed again, wrapping his legs around Nick's waist and clinging to his back like a monkey. "Oh, you're gonna pay for that one, blondie!"

Nick slammed the door of the truck then reached back to slide both hands between his back and Alex's belly, tickling him and making Alex shriek with laughter and squirm against him, almost knocking them both down before Alex dropped off his back. Nick turned to smirk at him, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief as he backed away and said, "Round one to blondie. You better have something up your sleeve if you're gonna make me pay, dog."

Alex growled softly, the grin on his face at odds with his tone as he followed Nick up the path. "It ain't up my sleeve, but I got somethin' for you alright, and this time I ain't gonna be the one who's singin' ' _I Wanna Be Your Dog_ '."

Nick smirked a little wider and made a bring it on gesture, then turned and ran for the cabin with Alex following right behind him.

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

~ ~ 19 ~ ~

 

"What did you want to listen to?" JC asked, looking up at Chris as they pulled out of the ranch driveway and onto the dirt road that led back towards town. "I've got a little of everything in here."

Chris grinned and leaned back comfortably on the bench seat, sliding an arm around JC's waist and driving with one hand as he looked at JC, hardly even watching the deserted road. "Something fun."

JC leaned closer to kiss Chris quickly, then grinned at him. "Eyes on the road."

Chris made a face. "Jayce, nothing could be more boring than watching this road. Nothing travels it but me, Joe, folks staying at the ranch and a few deer. You're a lot more fun to watch."

"So keep an eye out for the deer," JC said with a little grin, flipping through his CDs. "How does Springsteen sound?"

Chris snorted, grinning at JC again and still seemingly ignoring the road as he asked, " _'Born In The USA'_?"

JC grinned back. "Is there anything else?" Chris laughed at that and JC reached over to goose him in the ribs. "And watch the road, I'm serious, I don't want you hitting any deer."

"I won't hit any, Jayce," Chris replied, grinning. "I have one of those neat little sonic repeller things. Deer won't come near my truck unless they're already laid out in—"

JC wrinkled his nose and interrupted, "Eww, no, I don't want to know any more."

Chris chuckled and looked back at the road as they went over a low bridge before he looked back at JC and spoke, grinning. "You're so fucking cute when your nose is all wrinkled up like that. Reminds me of my mom's pug."

"A pug?!" JC asked indignantly. "I remind you of a _dog_?"

Chris grinned at him, his eyes twinkling. "Yep. Cute, fun to play with, and you like to curl up with your head in my lap, and you even sleep occasionally."

JC smiled, mollified a little by being called cute and fun. "Well, okay, if you put it that way..." He looked back down at his CDs, forgetting about listening to Bruce as he flipped through them.

Chris spent the next few minutes watching JC, occasionally glancing at the road but mostly letting his eyes roam over JC's face and watching the way his expression changed as he flipped past different CDs until JC stopped again, looking up to meet his eyes with a sudden bright grin.

"Sum 41?"

Chris grinned. "You actually have a Sum 41 CD?"

"Nope," JC said with a grin, lifting up his CD folder to show it to Chris. "I have all three! _'All Killer No Filler'_ is my favorite, but both of the others are pretty good too."

"I may have to start calling you Mary yet." Chris grinned at him, his eyes twinkling with amusement and something more as he ruffled JC's hair with his free hand, then moved it to the steering wheel. "Put in _'Killer'_ , I haven't heard it in a while."

JC grinned, blushing a bit as he looked down at the CD case to get the album out, then put the CD in the stereo. "Neither have I, but I listened _'Half Hour Of Power_ ' just before we left California. I haven't had it very long, it was hard to find."

Chris chuckled and nodded, looking ahead as he turned onto the two-lane road that would take them into Judith's Gap. "I got my copy at a little record shop in town. The kid who runs it most of the time has great taste, and he's usually really good about getting in touch with a few buddies of his and finding anything I'm looking for. He's got a couple CDs for me now as a matter of fact, that's one of the things I need to pick up today."

JC zipped up his CDs and put them in his backpack and then turned to watch Chris, glad to see that Chris was paying attention to the road again now that they were on what passed for the main road in the area. "Which albums?"

" _'So Long And Thanks For The Shoes'_ and _'Slip, Stitch, Pass_ '," Chris answered, grinning quickly at JC and then looking back at the road.

"NoFX is a great band!" JC said with a big grin, his eyes bright with interest as he half-turned in the seat so he could watch Chris easier. "' _Slip, Stitch, Pass_ ' sounds familiar too, but I can't place it. Who's it by?"

"Phish," Chris replied with a surprised grin, his eyebrows going up. "I never would have figured you for a punk fan."

JC shrugged slightly, still grinning and watching Chris' face as _'Nothing On My Back_ ' played quietly, the fact Chris' fingers were twitching on the steering wheel in time with the music the only indication that he heard it. "There are a lot of Ska and punk bands that I like, mostly groups like NoFX, Phish, the Ramones, and Save Ferris. Nirvana is the only one of the Seattle bands I like, but they're not quite punk, really. NoFX is one of my favorite punk bands though, they got me started." JC gestured towards his CD case as he added, "The first NoFX album I ever heard was _'Punk In Drublic'_ , and it's in there. Justin got the CD for me as a gag gift years ago and I liked it so I started keeping an eye out for their other albums. I've also got _'Pump Up The Valuum', 'Heavy Petting Zoo_ ' and the two CD set they put out last year with me, plus ' _Thanks For The Shoes'_ and _'S &M Airlines_ on vinyl back in Cali."

Chris looked at him, obviously surprised. "Oh man, you've got them on _vinyl_?! Where the hell'd you find them?"

"There's this cool record store called Amoeba Records in San Francisco that Jup and I went to a few times right after we moved west," JC replied quickly, his whole face lighting up with remembered enthusiasm. "They've got everything under the _sun_ in there, Chris, you'd love it. You can buy albums from them online too, but being able to wander around the store is worth going there, even from here. They've got listening booths set up and all kinds of cool memorabilia scattered around. It'd be a great weekend trip sometime."

Chris grinned at JC and then looked back at the road. "Cool. Maybe you can show me the place one of these days."

JC nodded quickly, grinning and trying to ignore the little flip his stomach did at Chris' assumption JC would be around to take him there. "I'd love to."

Chris kept his eyes on the road as they rounded a curve, smiling as he said, "So would I." He lifted one hand from the steering wheel to wave at the driver of a pickup going the other way, then looked away from the road then and smiled at JC as he reached for JC's hand, lacing their fingers together.

JC smiled back at him and whispered softly, "I'm glad."

JC looked down at their hands and shifted closer while Chris looked back at the road, watching as Chris lifted their hands to kiss JC's knuckles and then lowered them to rest on his thigh, still holding JC's hand in his. JC leaned over to kiss Chris' cheek and then faced forward to watch the road as he moved to hold Chris' hand in both of his, thinking about how lucky he was to have met Chris. Everything JC had never known he needed seemed to be coming to him all at once in the form of this one man and his home, and JC was so happy with the prospect of spending more time with both that he could hardly think. Chris was sweet and fun and funny and gorgeous to boot, and he seemed to enjoy all the same things JC did, which was odd to him since his friends had often told him he was a little bit weird.

The more he found out about Chris the more he found in common with him, and that still amazed JC to no end. The most amazing example, at least to JC, was that he had never met anyone whose tastes in music seemed to mesh so completely with his own as Chris' did. For someone who had spent the last two years using music as a life support system, that was a big deal. Music was more important to JC than anyone he knew truly understood, even Justin, who had always understood him best.

Sure, Justin _said_ he understood how JC felt about music, and how JC needed music like he needed air to breathe, but Justin didn't feel the need _himself_ so there was no way he could truly understand. Justin liked peace and quiet when he slept or read and could happily exist hours in complete silence, but it quite simply drove JC batty to have to put up with it. Chris felt that need for something to fill the emptiness too, and that spoke volumes to JC. With Chris, JC would never wake up from a nap with a headache from wearing earphones because Chris didn't enjoy the constant low drone of music in the background.

The need to have music going wasn't the only thing that set Chris apart from everyone else JC had known, the range of music Chris liked was unusual too. Alex liked jazz, rhythm and blues and rock, Nick was a big fan of metal and rock, and Justin and Lance both enjoyed pop, rap and – though Justin seldom admitted it – country, but none of them liked _all_ music. JC could always talk music with them, yeah, and did quite often, but talking to several people who amongst them liked what he did was different from being able to talk to just one person who liked it all. Ryan had even narrower tastes than the others and only listened to top 40 country music and wouldn't tolerate anything else without giving JC a guilt trip or even just telling him flat out to change the music. JC had really enjoyed country music when he moved to California, mostly because he and Justin had frequented a country dance club back home in Tennessee, but he had developed an aversion to it over the last couple of years and never listened to it by choice anymore.

JC suddenly realized that _'Fat Lip_ ' was playing and leaned forward to turn the stereo up, then settled back next to Chris with a big grin, Chris' head nodding in time to the beat as they both sang along. __

_"'I know I'm not the one you thought you knew back in high school, never going, never showing up when we had to. Is it attention that we crave? Don't tell us to behave, I'm sick of always hearing act your age! I don't want to waste my time and become another casualty of society. I'll never fall in line, become another victim of your conformity, and back down.'"_

 

* * *

 

Justin paused near the main doors to the barn, looking out at the horses in the pasture and trying to decide what to say to Lance, and how to say it. Knowing Lance had made JC cry had royally pissed him off, yeah, but from what he had seen of Lance's face on his way out of the house, Lance had hurt himself almost as bad. Justin's anger had quickly cooled despite his vow never to forgive Lance if he kept upsetting JC, and even though he was still determined to make Lance stop hurting JC, he found himself feeling sorry for Lance now that he'd had time to think about everything.

Justin had never been able to hold a grudge against Lance no matter what he did, and this time seemed to be no exception. He still didn't like how Lance was handling JC's relationship with Chris, but he knew Lance loved JC – it was one of the few things that had kept him from ripping into Lance whenever he upset JC over the last few months – so he knew that knowing he had really hurt JC had to have hurt Lance too. Lance picked on JC a lot and was always ordering him around, but Justin knew as well as JC did that sometimes JC _needed_ someone to give him a swift kick in butt to get him moving in the right direction. Lance was just wrong about what the right direction was this time, so Justin was going to have to step up and do a little kicking of his own to get Lance to accept it.

Justin sighed and turned towards the barn again to open one of the sliding doors and go inside, no closer to knowing what he should say but reasonably sure he would figure it out once he saw Lance's face. He could usually say the right thing to Lance, or close enough to the right thing that Lance knew what he meant, so he was just going to trust the words would come when he needed them. He intended to make certain that there were some major changes made immediately in the way Lance acted towards Chris and JC, and he had a good idea how to achieve it if just talking to Lance didn't work.

Justin knew that Lance loved him and that Lance loved JC, and he was just going to have to get Lance to see just exactly how stupid he was acting. As many times as Lance had kept Justin in line with the simple threat of making Justin sleep on the couch, Justin hoped that telling Lance that he couldn't sleep with him until he shaped up would get his point across if nothing else could. Once Lance realized it was that important to Justin he was sure Lance would fix it, but he hoped it wouldn't come to that before Lance listened to him. He loved Lance too much to want anything to tear them apart, even just for a few days.

 

* * *

 

Lance sniffled slightly and rubbed his nose on his sleeve before resting his forehead against his folded arms again, having gone past the depression he had felt when Chris left into being genuinely angry at himself. If anyone else had upset JC badly enough to make him lash out like he had at Lance, then Lance would have been all over whoever it was to make them pay for hurting JC. That _he_ had hurt JC like that was almost more than he could bear, especially after Justin's warning that if Lance didn't back off he'd never forgive him. Lance still hadn't been smart enough to watch his mouth and had asked a stupid, thoughtless question – which he had immediately wanted to take back, since he knew deep down that Chris wasn't forcing JC into anything – and he had managed to piss off his fiance and his three best friends in one fell swoop.

 _I'm such a fuckup,_ he thought to himself, looking down at the ground between his feet. ' _I said that I'd stop it and keep my nose out of it, and then barely an hour later I pissed Josh off so bad he took my head off.'_ Lance swallowed hard, remembering again what Alex had told him and the things JC had said, and what Chris had said in the barn just a few minutes ago, then he felt another flash of anger at himself. _'I deserved it. They're all right, I've been treating him like _shit_ a_ ** __** _nd never even noticed, then when I _did_ f_ ** __** _inally get my head out of my ass and figure it out, I still didn't stop.'_

Lance lifted his head to rest his chin on his arms then, looking at the stall across the aisle but not really seeing the weathered oak boards because he was still completely lost in his own thoughts. _'Just because I hate seeing him with Chris doesn't mean I have a right to give him hell about it. I love Josh too much to ruin his chance to fall in love, even if it's not with me.'_

Lance groaned at that thought and hid his face against his arms again as he murmured aloud, his voice full of disgust. "Damn, Bass, jealous much?"

He didn't have a _right_ to be jealous, both because JC wasn't his and never would be and because he was marrying Justin, who was the closest thing JC had to a brother. There was no way in hell JC would hurt Justin by hooking up with him even if Lance had been willing to hurt Justin like that. He wasn't, but the very thought was enough to make him even more disgusted with himself.

 _'God, I'm a waste of oxygen. Kill me now._ ' There was a scraping noise from the direction of the main door then and Lance jerked his head up again, wide-eyed as he thought, _'I didn't really mean it!'_

Justin slid the door open a few feet and stepped inside, and Lance enjoyed the slightly irrational wave of relief he felt until Justin turned to close the door and Lance saw his face in the sunlight streaming in. Lance lowered his chin back to his knees then, looking at the dirt floor of the barn again as he fought the urge to start apologizing to Justin, who he didn't really think would want to hear it. Chris was right, it was JC he needed to apologize to, and he needed to really _mean_ it this time, not do like he did yesterday and apologize then just do the same thing all over again.

Justin walked over and stood next to Lance, looking down at him for a moment and taking in Lance's red eyes and nose and the look on his face before he sat down next to him, leaning back against the wall and pulling one knee up to prop his arm on it. Justin kept watching Lance in silence for several minutes, feeling what little anger he'd been able to hold onto melt away now that he was faced with Lance's obvious pain, and his voice was soft and gentle as he finally asked, "Anything I can do to help?"

Lance shook his head slightly, not looking at Justin. "I'll be fine."

Justin lifted his free hand and rested it in the middle of Lance's back, running his hand slowly across Lance's shoulder blade. "That's not what I asked you."

Justin had yelled at him before and Lance knew he could take it, but Justin being calm and mature – two things Justin just _wasn't_ very often, together or separately – when Lance _knew_ he deserved to have his ass kicked was almost more than he could bear. Lance swallowed hard at the gentle tone of Justin's voice, blinking at the sudden urge to cry again and wishing Justin would yell at him as he took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to regain some semblance of calm, then asked quietly, "When did I turn into such a jealous bastard?"

Justin couldn't help a slight smile at that, thinking that he had gotten lucky. Either Chris had already said the right thing to Lance or it had finally dawned on Lance what he was doing, but whichever it was didn't really matter. What _did_ matter was that Lance was finally truly upset at what he'd been doing, and that meant it would stop, or at the very least decrease drastically. "About the time you realized Josh loves him," Justin replied, watching what he could see of Lance's face.

Lance was silent for a long moment before he sighed and turned his head to lay it on his arms, looking at Justin. "I'm an idiot. And an asshole."

"No, you're not," Justin replied quietly, leaning forward as he moved his hand from Lance's back to gently stroke his cheek. "You're just afraid he'll be hurt again so you want to protect him. That's showing that you love him." Justin's expression turned a little wry and he lightly flicked Lance's ear with his finger as he added, "You _could_ pick a better way to show it though, babe."

Lance blinked twice at that and then whispered, "I don't deserve you. Anyone else would hate me for falling in love with him."

Justin gave him slight smile and asked softly, "Do you hate me for loving him?"

"Of course not," Lance replied immediately, "but that's different, I knew you loved him from the beginning. It's _wrong_ for me to love him like that, Justin."

Justin suddenly leaned to kiss Lance's cheek, and then whispered in his ear, "I'd have to wonder about you if you didn't." Justin pulled away quickly, and before Lance had a chance to do more than sit up straight in surprise Justin was on his feet and offering Lance his hand. "C'mon, lets go for a walk."

Lance didn't take Justin's hand, instead looking up at him incredulously. "Justin, I just told you I'm _in love_ with your best friend! You're _supposed_ to be mad, or surprised, or _something!_ "

Justin tilted his head to one side, looking suddenly amused. "Oh, I remember! We had this discussion when you asked me to move in with you. _I_ said that I was in love with Josh that time though, and _you_ laughed at me and said, oh, what was it?" Justin pretended to think a moment, then said in a fairly good impression of Lance's deeper drawl at it's most unimpressed, "No shit, Sherlock. How _stupid_ do you think I am?"

Lance stared at him a moment, looking completely nonplussed, then asked softly, "Has it been that obvious?"

Justin offered Lance his hand again, waiting for Lance to take it and let him pull him to his feet before he kissed Lance quickly and then gave him a soft, wry smile. "Let's just say I'm intimately familiar with the symptoms of being in love with Josh, babe. You may not have noticed, but you've had 'em all for months now."

Justin turned away without waiting for a reply and tugged Lance's hand, towing him toward the barn door as Lance asked, "Why didn't you say anything, Justin?" Justin just shrugged, letting go of Lance's hand to open the barn door and then stepping outside with Lance following him and watching Justin close the door and latch it before he said quietly, "Justin, answer me."

Justin looked at him a second, then sighed and said patiently, "You've known I love him for a long time, babe, so how could I hold it against you that you've grown to love him too? If you have half a heart then he's easy to love. Like I said, I would have wondered more if you _didn't_ love him. Everyone else does."

"What do you mean 'everyone'?" Lance asked, looking surprised. "Alex has had a crush on Josh for a while I know, but who else does?"

"Nick loves him too," Justin replied, then he suddenly reached out and poked Lance in the belly as he added, "but if you ever tell Nick I told you I'll deny it, and then kick your ass."

Lance stared at him a moment, then laughed suddenly, the last of the pain and fear leaving his eyes at last. "At least I was smart enough to know I love you more and say yes."

Justin grinned and kissed Lance soundly. "I love you too, and I'm glad you said yes." Justin grabbed his hand and started tugging him towards the house as he added, " _Really_ glad, since I've got this thing for your ass and want to spend the rest of my life trying to wear it out."

Lance laughed, letting Justin tow him along. "Anyone but me would get pissed at you for saying something like that."

Justin looked over his shoulder at Lance, smirking and walking towards the kitchen door as he said, "You're not anyone else though, you're the man I'm gonna marry. You've known I had a thing for your ass for almost two years now, so you've had time to get over your initial reaction. Which, if I remember right, was to hit me."

Lance snorted, shaking his head and trying not to laugh again as he muttered, "My boyfriend loves me for my ass."

Justin stopped suddenly and turned, letting go of Lance's hand and sliding his arms around Lance's waist as he kissed him, thrusting his tongue into Lance's surprised mouth. Justin licked and sucked at Lance's tongue as his hands slid down over Lance's ass and pulled him close, and when he finally pulled away after a few minutes Lance made a soft noise in protest.

" _Fiance_ ," Justin corrected, looking smug, "You aren't allowed to have a boyfriend anymore." Justin leaned close and gave Lance's ass another squeeze then, drawing a tiny little whimper from him as Justin whispered in his ear, "And that ass is _mine_."

Justin pulled back to look into Lance's eyes then, and Lance leaned up to kiss him quickly before he whispered against his lips, "Prove it."

Justin growled and grabbed Lance's hand again to pull him towards the house, and Lance followed right behind him, hoping they would make it to their room.

He wasn't betting on it.

 

 

~ End


End file.
